Julia Barretto has had her fair share of ups and downs, especially when it comes to her personal relationships. The actress, who is the eldest daughter of actor Dennis Padilla with Marjorie Barretto, unpacked her rollercoaster bond with her estranged father in an interview with Karen Davila.
When asked about their current set-up after the recent fallout surrounding Dennis and her younger brother Leon, Julia candidly replied, “I’ll be very honest. We have not spoken and it's because there’s just so much fear inside me now if I’m being open. I’m just really scared.”
She said her decision not to talk to her dad is not only because of their recent rift but because of a years-old cycle of push and pull.
“Because over the years, it’s a cycle of making up and getting hurt. I want to huminga muna from that cycle. I don’t know. Maybe in God’s time may ways mag-meet kami in the middle without getting hurt again.”
She explains that it’s not an issue of forgiveness. “I think it's not difficult for us to forgive. It’s also just, there’s a lot of fear because I don’t know what’s gonna happen. But forgiveness, of course, that’s for my own peace of mind but I’m just not that ready. There’s just so much pain since I was young.”
“Sa commandments, no matter what happens, they’re your parents so I always ask God, ‘You know a parent is a parent and I’m only just a child but at the same time san yung boundary na a child is also allowed to get hurt?'”
Speaking from the heart, she continued, “I just need more love. More protection. I just feel like he has to be my number one protector and that’s not what I’m getting. It hurt. It's sad.”
When asked about how she stays strong despite the difficulties, Julia says the pain made her headstrong. “The pain doesn't really last. I really don’t worry. I have a strong support system.”
“I’m just really not ready. I don’t wanna force myself also,” she said when asked if she's likely to reconciliate with her dad soon.
A few reminders on reconciliating with your child
Reconciliating with your adult child is different from apologizing to your toddler, but the former can be more difficult to do when the latter, or apologizing to one's child, wasn't natural to begin with.
As parents it's easy to demand respect and assert our authority in the family, but it would be good to remember that parenthood also means leading our children in the right ways.
Here are some points to remember about reconciliation:
1. Be the first to apologize.
Kathy McCoy, PhD writes for Psychology Today, “Even if you’re convinced that you’re the wronged party, that your adult child owes you an apology, taking that first step to resolve any hurt or misunderstandings can mean so much.”
2. Avoid power plays.
McCoy also says, “Stepping in with money and expecting that to give you a major say in how your adult child lives her life can create resentment, anger, and distance,” about reconciliation with an adult child.
Another thing that can create a negative effect: ultimatums.
3. Acknowledge your mistake.
Whether you’re talking to an adult child or a toddler, acknowledging one’s mistake doesn’t make you the lesser person in any relationship. It is however, important in an apology.
If you are speaking with a young child, apologize after you’ve calmed down “and talk to them in an age-appropriate way about your feelings,” says Dr. Jennie Hudson, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of New South Wales in Australia to The New York Times.
Here’s a sample script for apologizing to your young child: “I’m sorry I yelled. I got frustrated, but it’s not your fault I lost my cool. Here’s how I could have handled it better.”
Remember that this is a learning opportunity for your young child.
READ MORE STORIES ON RECONCILIATING WITH KIDS:
- ‘Maybe It’s Time To Reconcile’: Ruffa Gutierrez Is Ready For Daughters To Reconnect With Estranged Dad Yilmaz
- Reunited After 15 Years: Venice and Lorin Bektas Tearfully Reconnect With Dad Yilmaz In Turkey
- So You Shouted At Your Kid–Here's What You Need To Do Next To Avoid Making It Worse
This story originally appeared on Cosmo.ph.
*Minor edits have been made by the SmartParenting.com.ph editors.
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