'Hindi Kailangan Sumigaw O Mamalo': Mom Shares How To Remain Calm During Child's Meltdowns

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As parents, we often find ourselves in a difficult situation whenever our children throw tantrums. In between our toddlers' crying and screaming, remaining calm appears to be an impossible task for a parent. One mom shared gentle parenting strategies that worked for her.

Julie Anne Septimo captured the moment when her 2-year-old daughter, Calilah, threw a tantrum during their bath time. Mommy Julie said Calilah suddenly felt opposed to the idea of taking a bath.

While the toddler was expressing her frustration, the mom approached the situation with a calm voice. Mommy Julie even let out a smile or two while trying to soothe her daughter. Soon, Calilah was giggling and even saying sorry to her mom.

Julie shared the video on her Facebook page and many applauded her for her patience. Some parents would also comment on the video saying, they are taking notes from Julie on how to handle their children's meltdowns.

"Ang iniisip ko lang noon, I need to be as calm and as neutral as possible and give all the emotional help she needs dahil hindi makakatulong kapag sumabay ako sa pagta-tantrums niya. Lalo lang siyang magwawala at lalo lang akong ma-stress," Julie told SmartParenting.com.ph.

Benefits of gentle parenting

Gentle parenting has been described as a form of parenting style that uses neither rewards nor punishments, like yelling or smacking, to encourage their children to behave. It may be a cliche, but communication is the key to making gentle parenting work.

In her experience, Julie says gentle parenting has helped her "lessen the stress of handling the kids."

"I observed na lahat ng mga salita at ginagawa ni Calilah growing up, lahat 'yun sa amin ng daddy niya nakukuha. So, I decided to be as gentle as possible and nakakatuwa kasi it is unbelievably working.

If the kid imitates you from being kind, loving, caring, understanding, and such, ibig sabihin bawas na din yung pagmimisbehave ng bata," Julie explained.

Julie adds gentle parenting has also helped improve her emotional and mental well-being.

"Hindi ko na kakailanganin pang sumigaw o mamalo kasi possible naman pala ang gentle approach. Kapag kasi minsan sisigaw ka naku! Sira na din ang buong araw mo," she said.

In practicing gentle parenting, Julie feels contentment in knowing that her relationship with her child is not rooted in fear.

"For me that's the best thing about it. To raise a child that is empathetic, understanding, loving, and smart. Hindi dahil takot sila sa'yo but because that's who they have become as a person by raising them that way."

Gentle parenting strategies that work

Julie admits that gentle parenting is no walk in the park "especially when we are dealing with our personal battles." She says, there will be days when the situation will still get the best of you. What's important is that the intention to be gentle parents remains.

Here are three tips on how to be a gentle parent from Julie:

1. Focus on your goal

"If you want your child to grow smart and kind then we need to be intentional. Every day, kahit mahirap, try our best to reach that goal. If you think yelling and hitting won't help you reach that goal, magiging aware ka na din over time."

2. Anticipate tantrums and meltdowns

"Tanggapin natin na kapag may bata may iyakan at madaming pagreresist tayong maeencounter. Dapat mas maging creative din tayo ahead of time kung paano sila pasunurin without the use of threats or rewards. Pwede nating i-validate ang nararamdaman nila pero be firm not to give in sa unreasonable demands nila."

3. Practice makes progress

"Kung naubos ang pasensya mo ngayon ayos lang, bawi na lang ulit kinabukasan. Every day is another opportunity para pahabain ang pasensya natin. Don't be too hard on yourself. As long as you are trying kahit paunti-unti, it's already a huge step."

Lastly, Julie says it pays off to take care of one's self. She points out that how we treat ourselves influences the way we treat others, especially our loved ones. If you're working on becoming a gentle parent, you'll find her advice helpful: 

"Mahihirapan kasi tayong i-achieve ang gentle parenting kung tayo mismo hindi gentle sa mga sarili natin... Mas okay tayo mentally, physically, and emotionally, mas mahahandle natin ang pamilya natin nang puno ng pag-unawa at pagmamahal."

Click here to read research-based techniques on how to discipline your child.

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