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One of the most popular and controversial parenting trends, gentle parenting, has been a hot topic among parents these days.
“Is it effective? Are you really doing it? How did you start? Am I a bad parent if I shout and lose my temper?” These are some of the questions parents ask each other.
Over at Smart Parenting Village, where parents can share and discuss anything, an anonymous mom shared her own predicament, “Just want to hear your thoughts with gentle parenting and pa-vent on the side. Does it really work for those who practiced this in their household? How would you deal with it if magkaiba kayo ng parenting style ng partner mo?”
The anonymous mom wonders if gentle parenting is really effective and seeks out real-life testimony from those who practice it. However, a more imminent conflict is present–she and her husband have opposing approaches in parenting.
“I have a 3 year old son, my husband continuously insists na pag may pagkakamali yung toddler namin kailangan may consequence/punishment para ma-discipline yung bata. Para sa akin wala naman kaso if mag discipline ng bata pero kailangan ba talaga may punishment kahit hindi malaki na pagkakamali?”
RELATED: I'm Not A Gentle Parent, Am I Bad?
While the anonymous mom tries to apply gentle parenting, her husband is a strict believer of punishment and consequence.
She then shared in detail how their difference in parenting style finally took its toll, “Like for example, hindi po agad nakinig ang toddler namin nung nag-call out yung papa niya na mag- stop na mag-watch ng YouTube at dahil hindi umimik ang toddler, pinagalitan niya at pina-stand up straight at ayaw nya paupuin. At dahil hindi maka-stand up straight dahil sa kakaiyak, pinalo ng hanger yung bata. At dahil sa takot naka-ihi sa shorts yung bata at nilagnat nung gabing yun.”
'Dahil sa kaka-gentle parenting approach ko... kaya daw matigas na ang ulo nang toddler namin at di nakikinig sa kanya, kasalanan ko daw. –Anonymous SPV Mom
She added in the comments’ section the after-effects of what happened to their child, “Parang nag-nightmares siya after nun. Bigla na lang siyang sumisigaw pag natutulog siya at umiiyak.”
Conflict in Parenting Approach
After the incident, the anonymous mom’s husband blamed her for practicing gentle parenting, “At nag lead siya sa conclusion na dahil sa kaka-gentle parenting approach ko over the years at panay na basa dito niyan kaya daw matigas na ang ulo nang toddler namin at di nakikinig sa kanya, kasalanan ko daw.”
In her post, she mentioned that her husband prefers traditional parenting, applying corporal punishment or pamamalo. In the comments section, she also shared her husband’s stance, “Yun daw ang goal niya po, matakot daw sa kanya mga anak namin para po i-respeto siya at sundin.”
RELATED: Traditional Or Gentle Parenting: Which Kind of Parent Are You And Which Is Best?
The anonymous mom continued to vent, “Gusto kasi niya na pag may magawa na kamalian possible na papaluin at papaluhudin niya with asin sa floor ang anak namin para daw matuto sa pagkakamali.”
Ending her post, the mom said, “Kinausap ko na po siya na mag-try ng gentle parenting dahil na trauma ata yung bata sa ginawa niya. Sabi niya hindi daw para sa kanya yung patience patience muna. Once lang siya nag-try ng method at sumuko na. Ano po dapat gawin if you’re in my shoes po?”
RELATED: Paano Na? Magkaiba Kami Ni Hubby Ng Parenting Style
Most parents in the comments section said that the punishment given is somewhat inappropriate for the age of the toddler, whether they are practicing gentle parenting or not.
Though there is no single parenting approach that is proven to be 100% effective, perhaps the first thing that needs to be solved in similar situations is the parents’ agreement in applying their preferred parenting style.
In a previously published Smart Parenting article linked above, experts say that couples can still work together despite having different parenting styles. One practical tip is to establish rules and boundaries together.
Gentle Parenting
Gentle Parenting is a parenting style that is composed of four main elements—empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries. Parents apply these four elements in raising and disciplining their children.
This approach mainly focuses on fostering the qualities you want in your child by being compassionate while having consistent boundaries.
Unlike traditional parenting which enforces rewards and punishment, gentle parenting encourages families to work together to teach children to express their feelings, let them know what they did wrong, and what they should do.
To know more about gentle parenting, here are some related articles:
- No Rewards, No Punishments, No Misbehaving Kids: They Call It Gentle Parenting
- 3 Gentle Parenting Myths and The Truths Behind Them
- What Is Authoritative Parenting And How You Can Practice It By Being 'Democratic'
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