Bettinna Carlos Looks Back At Being A Single Mom, ‘We Had A Happy Childhood’ Despite Doubts, Mistakes

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Bettinna Carlos’ eldest daughter Gummy just turned 12 and her mom shared a now-and-then video she made which made the former single mom cry. The video is a photo montage that shows a younger Gummy and asks questions like “Are we still friends with our old g3 peeps?” (likely Gummy’s former classmates), and present-day Gummy answers her younger self with “Yes but we made new ones along the way.” 

But it looks like there are other questions that really pulled on her mom’s heart, particularly “Did we have a happy childhood?” which she answered with “Yes, a very happy one”. 

“For the 10 years that I raised Gummy as a single mom, (and her being my first child-AKA all the experiments, mistakes, trial and error kind of parenting) I’d worry if she’s truly happy (considering all the mom and daughter fights lalo na may hormones naaaa). So to see this video she made herself a few months back, iyak talaga meeee. 

She adds, “To know that my child still considers that she had a very happy childhood despite all (my shortcomings and hurts my mistakes caused her)… brought me relief (?).” 

Other questions Gummy’s video asked were about her schooling, her best friends, her dog, and also “Do we have a dad now?” The answer of course is a yes, in Mikki Eduardo who married Bettinna in 2021 and legally adopted Gummy the year after. 

For parents constantly question their choices and worry about whether or not they’re doing the right thing, Gummy’s video can serve as an encouragement. While we, parents can be hard on ourselves and constantly counting what we did wrong, our children do not look at us the same way. The seemingly little and simple things we do every day is how they know we love them and always try to do what’s best for them. 

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A post shared by Bettinna Carlos Eduardo (@bettinnacarlos.eduardo)

How to deal with mom guilt 

According to a 2022 article in Washington Post, Lisa Marie Emerson, a University of Canterbury researcher and clinical psychologist said “Women are especially good at taking credit for everything that’s wrong in their kids’ lives, in part because the tremendous societal pressure to raise kids ‘right’ often falls on moms, not dads.”  

'There’s... evidence to suggest that self-blame interferes with the parent-child relationship.'

While the article’s author jumps off her own guilty feelings about her son’s medical condition, Emerson’s statement applies even to the everyday guilt moms face over their choices for their kids. One reason mothers need to learn to deal with it, apart from how unpleasant it is to live with guilt, is also stated in the same article. “There’s... evidence to suggest that self-blame interferes with the parent-child relationship.” 

RELATED: Bettinna Answers Solo Parents: How To Raise A Kid Without Her 'Feeling Na May Kulang'

Combat your inner critic with self-compassion, reports the article. Here’s one thing mothers can do whenever you feel guilt creeping in: a soothing rhythm breathing. Breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for two, and exhale for six seconds. Repeat a few times to calm your nervous system “and to anchor yourself in the moment. Then pause and focus on positive self-talk.” 

A good way to practice positive self-talk towards yourself is to imagine what you would say to a friend who might be going through the same thing, because people tend to be kinder to others more than to themselves.  

May you be encouraged with Bettinna’s story, who admits she wasn’t a perfect single mom, and Gummy’s assessment of their life: they had a happy childhood. 

Read this story to learn more about mom guilt.