When A Pet Dies: How To Help Your Child Cope With Loss And Grief

Recently I found my 6 year-old son doodling a note that read, “In Memory of Gudetama, Born: 2023, Died: 2024.”

His eyes were filled with tears, so I asked, “Why, what’s wrong?”

“I miss Gudetama,” he mumbled. Gudetama was a pet chick that had grown into a chicken but passed away earlier this year.

To be honest, I almost laughed when he said he missed that chicken. It never dawned on me that he loved that chicken very dearly. But as I saw his tears, I was struck by his innocent and pure heart. I stopped what I was doing, stood up from my chair, bent down, and gave him a hug. That day, I was reminded that grief comes in all shapes and sizes and it is never a laughing matter. 

Read Also: Why It's Crucial to Help Your Child Know When She's Feeling Angry, Sad or Happy

When Pets Become Family

I then remembered my younger brother, who lost his dog in a hit-and-run accident when he was around four years old. The day after the incident, my mother found him in the front yard holding a picture of himself and his dog, staring blankly into space. My mom, unsure how to comfort him, took the day off and just spent the entire day with my brother.

When I was really young, dogs were just dogs–they barked at strangers and guarded the house from trespassers. That was their role, plain and simple. My mom used to warn me to avoid going near the family dogs because they might bite or attack me. But everything changed when my younger brother formed a special bond with his dog. He hugged and petted him, rode on his back, shared his bed, and treated him like a little brother–a best friend, even.

When that dog died, that’s when we realized it wasn’t just a dog. He was family.

Also Read: 'Kung Malungkot Ka, Maging Malungkot Ka': Moms Who Lost A Child Share How They Cope

Grief and attachment

Losing a pet is probably the first time our children will encounter grief. It’s a difficult situation for them especially now that one of life’s hard truths has been revealed right before their eyes–nothing lasts forever. Even pets die; no matter how much we love and care for them.

One day, we’ll all be saying goodbye to our furry best friends.

According to marriage and family therapist, Nadja Geipert, in a PsychCentral article, “If we spend enough time [around] anyone or anything and there’s a bond, when it goes away it’s like somebody took your limbs away,” she says. “At some point, our brain processes things as if they’re actually part of us, like if you’re a tennis player, at some point your brain stops distinguishing between the racket and the arm.”

As adults, we have learned to navigate grief through talking to a friend or a therapist, practicing self-care and meditation techniques, or taking a break from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives to recharge, rebuild, and recover.

But for a child whose brain and thought-processing mechanisms are still growing and still in the process of maturing, how does he navigate and think things through?

Also Read: How Does One Find Good in Grief?

As parents, how can we help them cope in such a very complex time?

Allowing kids to grieve

According to a Veterinary Medicine magazine–as explained by Florence Soares-Dabalos, a licensed mental health specialist and member of the veterinary hospital team at UC Davis Medical Center, an American university hospital–parents should allow children to express their grief naturally, such as through play, journaling, or art. These forms of expression can help children process and understand their emotions in a natural and therapeutic ways.

According to Soares-Dabalos, it's essential to use clear, honest language when discussing a pet’s death, tailoring the information to fit each child’s developmental level. "Children are concrete thinkers and take language literally," she explains, suggesting that parents use straightforward terms and avoid phrases like “put to sleep,” which can be confusing since children associate sleep with something temporary.

Acknowledging your child’s emotions is also key. Grieving is personal, and children may experience different feelings at different stages, such as anger, denial, guilt, or acceptance. Letting them know these emotions are natural helps them process loss in a supportive way. It makes their feelings valid.

'Don’t rush into replacing a pet, as it may seem like the pet was replaceable. Wait for your child to express an interest before considering a new pet.' - Veterinary Medicine magazine, UC Davis Medical Center

How to help kids cope with the death of a pet

Below are ways to help kids cope with the death of a pet, according to the Vet magazine.

For Ages 7 and Under:

• Use clear, honest language. Stick with the truth. Be direct, using words like “death” and “dying” instead of softer terms like “went to sleep” or “went to heaven,” which can be confusing for young children. Explain that death means the body has stopped working and won't return, helping them understand the finality in a straightforward way.
• Prepare for goodbyes. If a pet is terminally ill, gently inform them in a quiet setting where they feel safe to express their emotions. Allow them the opportunity to say goodbye, ask questions, and prepare for the loss.
• Avoid blaming or misleading stories. Don’t blame the vet or suggest the pet “ran away,” as this may scare children from seeking help for sick pets or people. Instead, encourage a supportive environment for open questions.
• Use books for support. Consider age-appropriate books about loss to help explain death gently and in a way they can understand. Examples are "When a pet dies" by Fred Rogers and "Your pawprints are on my heart" by K. E. Manolas.

For Ages 8 and Over:

• Explain Euthanasia compassionately. If euthanasia is an option, discuss it as a way to prevent pain, explaining why it’s an act of kindness for a pet that can’t recover. If they’re ready, offer them the choice to be present for closure.
• Validate emotions. Teens may feel conflicted about their emotions, so remind them that grief is normal and it’s okay to cry. Showing your own sadness can reassure them that their feelings are valid.
• Create meaningful rituals. Encourage a goodbye ritual, such as a memorial service, scattering ashes, or creating a scrapbook. Let your child participate by choosing a favorite toy or helping select the burial spot. For a pet memorial stone, you can buy one from Shopee or for a memorial photo frame and relics storage, purchase from Lazada.
• Be patient before getting another pet. Don’t rush into replacing a pet, as it may seem like the pet was replaceable. Wait for your child to express an interest before considering a new pet.
• Seek extra support as needed. Children are generally resilient, but if persistent signs of distress, such as nightmares, continue, consulting a counselor may help them process their grief.

Also Read: Psychiatrist: 6 Signs Na Hindi 'Adapting Well' Ang Anak Sa Sitwasyon Ngayon

Give children time to heal

Children usually adjust with time, but age-appropriate communication and empathetic support can make a big difference in how they handle loss. Losing a beloved pet is never easy, but it can offer a meaningful opportunity for children to learn how to cope with loss, helping them build resilience for other experiences of grief they may encounter in life.

How does a mother cope with grief upon losing child to cancer? Read her story here.