Fatherhood Is Hard, But Every Second Is Worth It: A Letter To A New Dad

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Dear New Dad,

Congratulations and welcome to fatherhood! By now I’m sure you’ve realized that your life is about to change forever and I know it can be overwhelming, so I’d like to share some things that may help you navigate your fatherhood journey. Here are nine points I have learned so far in my nine years of being a Dad:

9 Fatherhood Lessons From A Fellow Dad

1. It won’t be easy.

You will not be able to get decent sleep in the months to come. You will have to wake up numerous times in the middle of the night to help bottle-feed and change nappies. And just like me, there will be days when you’d wonder how you got to the office since you’ve been running on autopilot. But don’t worry, you will get better at it as the days and months go by and sooner than later, you will find your rhythm and will finally get some shut-eye. 

2. Fatherhood has changed.

Gone are the days when Dads are just seen as providers. Now more than ever, parenting is a team sport and you being 50% of the team means that you have to do the work and put in the effort in taking care of your child. Go ahead and change that diaper and be the one to feed or give your child a bath. And while you’re at it, do your share of house chores, too. 

3. Learn from those who have been there longer.

There is so much you can learn from those who have been fathers longer than you have. Don’t be afraid to ask your dad, your brothers, relatives, and even your friends for advice on how to do things. There is no shame in asking and you’ll find that they would be more than willing to extend a helping hand to another Dad. They know what you are going through—learn from them.

The Dad that you are to your baby will be different to the Dad you will be when they grow up. -JR Santiago

4. Grow with your child.

The Dad that you are to your baby will be different to the Dad you will be when they grow up. Learn to grow with your child and be the Dad they need at their age. This may mean listening to them more, asking them questions, spending more time with them, and yes, even letting go. You’ll also be surprised at how much you can learn from your child as you try to be the best Dad you can be for them. 

5. Don’t forget that you are still a husband.

Never, ever forget that you are still a husband and being a good partner is part of being a good dad. So go out on dates—just the two of you, and talk about other things. But most of all, be a good husband to set an example for your son on how to treat women and to set the standard for your daughter on what she should expect from the men in her life. 

RELATED: This Dad Explains How Being A Great Father Starts By Being A Better Husband

6. You don’t always have to have everything figured out.

You don’t need to know how to do everything now. Just like you, we Dads are also winging it and we are learning as we go. So, chin up and don’t feel guilty when you make mistakes or you feel clueless sometimes. Each fatherhood journey is unique and the most anyone can ask from you is for you to do your best. 

7. Involved fathers means happier children.

Studies have shown that when Dads are more involved in parenting, their kids do better. Put in the time to help raise your child and I assure you it will pay dividends in the future. Besides, twenty years from now, the only ones who will remember that you stayed in the office to do overtime will be your kids. And your kids may not remember what you told them or what toys you bought for them, but they will remember that you were there. 

8. Find support from other Dads.

Apart from family and friends, there is also you can learn from other dads like you. The good thing is that there are now many dad groups (online and offline) where you can find useful information and the support you need. Groups can provide you with a safe and no-judgement zone where you can ask for advice or just talk to people who are also going through the same thing as you. Seek out these groups, start a conversation, and learn from each other.

RELATED: Thank You, Husband, for Putting Me First When I Think of You Last

9. There is much joy in fatherhood.

My words on the challenges and the work you need to put in may have offered you little comfort as you start your fatherhood journey but I assure you, there is much happiness you can get from it. There is so much joy that comes with fatherhood and I would not exchange it for anything in this world. Fatherhood has taught me to prioritize the really important things in life and that my heart could exist outside of my body. Yes, fatherhood is hard, but it is worth it. Every second. 

Of all the roles I have, being a father is my favorite. Yes, it can be exhausting and challenging but there is much joy you can find in it. And I hope that by sharing these nine points with you, you’ll feel that you are not alone, that you’ve got this, and we’ve got your back. We see you, Dad and you matter. 

So go ahead and be the best Dad you can be to your child—we're all rooting for you.

Sincerely, 

A once-new Dad who still feels sometimes that he doesn’t know what he’s doing

JR Santiago is the founder of Dadvocacy Community, an advocacy on Facebook and Instagram that encourages and inspires Dads to be more involved parents. He is also a co-founder of an online Facebook Group for dads by dads called Dad Tribe PH. JR believes dads don't babysit, they parent.