Girl Dads’ Guide To Using Public Restrooms

I’ve always been proud of how hands on my husband is with our daughters. I can depend on him to take care of them for a day or more without worrying. He can handle them on his own for a day out and about without both of us spiraling into an anxious mess. However, we encountered a dilemma when he and our potty-trained preschooler went to the mall on their own–which restroom do they go to?

I had concerns about him taking her to the men’s restroom–is it okay for her to see men doing their business in the urinals? He had concerns about taking her to the women’s restroom–would they even be allowed to go there?

Apparently, we are not the only parents who faced a similar dilemma. I posed the same question to the 100,000-member strong Smart Parenting Village community. Here are some considerations, practical tips, and etiquette based on parents’ insights and experiences.

Restroom guide and etiquette for girl dads

Alternative restroom options

Family and PWD restrooms

My husband’s default choice when he’s alone with our daughters is to use family and PWD restrooms. Fortunately, these are already readily available in most major malls, and admittedly, it has become one of his considerations when they’re on their own. Other parents share the same preference. “Sa malls may restroom for PWD na hiwalay or may family room. Sa mga Ayala malls may ganito and doon din pwede mag-change ng diapers,” mom and Smart Parenting Village member since 2021, Bie Tiongco shared.

Gender-Neutral restrooms

As the country becomes more inclusive, gender-neutral restrooms are becoming more common in public places. Some parents, like top contributor Alelie Tobias, shared that her husband uses these when out with their daughter: “My husband always chooses yung all-gender restroom, family, or PWD rooms.”

Restrooms in cafes and restaurants

Establishments like Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Italiannis’, or Friday’s often have restrooms that can also be a good alternative for parents. Mom of two girls Janine Falcon recommended, “Pwede din sa mga resto or cafe with their own CR. Madalas sa Starbucks or Mary Grace.”

Using men’s restrooms

When alternative restrooms are unavailable, some parents opt to use men’s restrooms with the following considerations:

Ensuring hygiene and safety

Mom and Smart Parenting Village member since 2018, Tiffany Gimenez shared, “Always may wipes (anti-bacterial and baby wipes) and alcohol sa bag ng anak namin and ni daddy. So before daddy lets her sit down sa toilet bowl, he sprays it with alcohol and wipe it down using the wipes.” Making these practices a must when using any public restroom ensures hygiene and safety.

Dad of two daughters Marlon Malabuyoc echoes this sentiment, saying, “Make sure to instruct mga kids na maglagay ng tissue every time na uupo sila sa toilet seat. Nung malaki na sila and kaya na nila, sa women’s restroom na sila and hinihintay ko nalang sila sa door.”

Mom of two and Smart Parenting Village member since 2018, Jhem Bon, always reminds her children to wash their hands after, saying, “It’s okay for us that they use the toilet basta they wash their hands after.”

Privacy

To ensure privacy and minimize awkwardness, other parents shared that they cover their daughter’s eyes or instruct them to look away when they enter the men's restroom until they reach a stall. Boy mom Janna Ingal shared that going to the men’s restroom with a daughter is a big no for her unless, “I cover eyes ni daughter hanggang makarating sa loob ng cubicle. Mas madali i-explain why need niya i-close ang eyes niya compared sa pag-explain ng mga makikita niya inside.”

Using women’s restrooms

Other parents prefer to use the women’s restrooms with their daughters and follow these practices:

Waiting outside

Some parents shared that they trained their daughters to pee alone as early as five years old, so that their dads can wait for them outside the women’s restroom. Mom of one Edleen Agarao shared, “Five years old ang daughter namin nung tinuruan ko ng do’s and don’ts kapag pumupunta sa CR, kaya hinihintay nalang siya ng daddy niya sa pinto.”

Mom and health worker, Edrie Lavides, emphasized the importance of also teaching children to be aware of strangers in the restroom, saying, “She [daughter] was seven when she started going to the female restroom alone while my husband waited outside. Tinuruan ko lang daughter ko na sumilip muna, sabihin sa papa niya na it looks safe–na walang lalaki/lola/or any other person ang nasa loob, or if may mall worker ba, then balik sa loob to pee.”

For mom Alelie Tobias, teaching daughters the basics of using public restrooms, including hygiene practices and safety, from an early age helps build their independence. She said, “As early as five years old, need nang maturuan sila na mag-pee on their own.” She shared that her husband prefs to use gender-neutral restrooms, family, or PWD rooms because he feels awkward to bring them inside the men’s restroom “since may mga urinals sa loob."

Announcing presence

One dad prefers to use the women’s restroom with his daughter but makes sure to announce their presence respectfully to help ease any discomfort. Dad of two daughters and former Editor-in-Chief of Top Gear Philippines, Paulo Subido wrote, “I would never have a stranger accompany my daughter into the female restroom because this is dangerous. I also would not let her use the male bathroom for hygienic reasons. What I do is to look for a janitorial or mall staff to ask her if I can accompany my daughter inside the female restroom. Most of the time they will allow it, so we would then enter (me, my daughter, and the staff). I would then announce my presence loudly, saying, ‘Tao po, I’m with my daughter,’ and enter a stall with her. We’ll ensure to leave quickly as soon as she’s done.”

The dad of one further shared, “Apart from announcing I’m there, I also keep my head down and look at the floor. Every time this has happened, the women in the restroom have been very understanding… PWD bathrooms are always our first choice as long as there is one available.”

Seeking help from others

Some parents, such as mall worker Dana Mingaracal seek assistance from mall workers to accompany their children, sharing, “Never po sa men’s restroom. I work sa mall and oftentimes kapag may ganyan, nagpapa-assist si daddy sa housekeeping lady sa women’s CR na samahan ang anak sa loob, while maghihintay lang si dad sa labas ng pinto.”

What experts say

In the US, parents face a similar dilemma. Parenting and youth development expert Dr. Deborah Gilboa recommends that the gender of the parent determines the restroom, meaning that dads should go to the men’s restroom with their daughters. “If the men’s room is a little bit dirtier, so what? We don’t assume that little boys are in danger from coming in contact with men’s room germs. And if you’re going to be standing outside the stall or in there with her, she’s fine.”

However, there are circumstances wherein a dad might need to use the women’s restroom, such as needing a diaper changing table that’s only available there. Gilboa advises, “Unless there’s a good reason to use the women’s room, stick to the men’s room.”

Ultimately, whether parents use family or pwd rooms, gender-neutral rooms, or either restrooms, their and their kids’ comfort and safety remain the primary consideration. As mom and top contributor in the group Knic Meneses wrote, “Men’s CR or PWD/Family CR, any is fine. Kasama naman ang tatay nila so hindi mababasto sa men’s cr. Also, I’d like to believe na mas marami pa ring matinong lalaki kaysa sa mga manyak. Nakakatuwa kasi may changes na rin talaga sa parenting. Because millennial fathers are more involved, public spaces are getting more inclusive for them na din.”

Read more on a mom’s concern about dads entering a female restroom to help change a baby’s diaper.