Why Solenn Heussaff Ditched Gentle Parenting for Her Kids

Solenn Heussaff knows there’s no single way to parent. With two young daughters at home, she and her husband, Nico Bolzico, have found a rhythm that works for their family. On a recent episode of Fast Talk with Boy Abunda, the actress explained how she enforces discipline for her children.

“Dati nag-try ako ng gentle parenting,” Solenn said. “‘Yung parang, ‘I understand that you’re feeling frustrated.’” It’s an approach that focuses on listening and empathizing with your child, but for her household, it resulted in, “They get their own way. They manipulate us completely.”

“If they don’t respect you as a parent, then they will step all over you. These are their forming years, so you really need to set discipline. You need to set certain things that are good and bad, and if they’re not good, para sa ‘kin, you can go timeout.” she said.

“Timeout is you go to your room,” Solenn explained. “Close the door. You can’t come down.”

But being firm doesn’t mean Solenn sees herself as strict. “I’m chill,” she said. Her husband Nico often takes the stricter role depending on the situation.

Nutrition is one area where Solenn and Nico’s parenting styles differ. She also mentioned this in a previous Smart Parenting interview, noting that Nico takes food rules very seriously. As she put it, he’s “super strict, like, zero sugar and zero ice cream. Only on birthdays and stuff.”

Solenn, on the other hand, is more flexible: “Ako, I’m more like, ‘Okay, I’ll treat you with an ice cream at the end of the day if you were good to me all day.’”

She also explained that motherhood intensified her emotions, from love to anger. Still, physical punishment is never part of their household.

“No,” Solenn said. “Never. Hindi ko kaya.”

She recalled accidentally hitting her eldest daughter Tili’s arm out of nervous reflex. “I was so guilty,” she said. “Sabi ko, ‘Lord, patawarin niyo ako. ‘Di ko talaga sinadya.’”

Solenn reflected on how her childhood influences the way she parents Thylane or “Tili,” 6, and Maëlys or “Maely,” 2. “I’m the type that talks a lot to my children,” she said. “I always tell them I love them.”

She admitted she sometimes says it too often. “My daughter [Tili] gave me a limit. Sabi niya, ‘You can only tell me you love me five times a day.’”

“‘Mom, you’ve already told me that. Stop it.’ Ganoon siya.”

Meanwhile, her mother expressed love differently. “She made us tough. She’ll say it once in a while, but it’s not something I’ll hear every day.” Praise was usually indirect. “People would come up to me and say, ‘Your mom’s so proud of you,’ but with me, she’ll never really say it in my face.”

That difference made Solenn more intentional about encouragement at home.

As a mom, Solenn avoids generic praise. “I don’t say, ‘You’re very good,’” she explained. “Because I don’t think that’s a good way to bring up a child. I think you need to praise the effort, not the result.”

Using her daughters’ artwork as an example, she shared how she reframes encouragement. “Kung maganda, hindi ko sasabihin na, ‘Ang ganda ganda ng painting mo.’” Instead she’ll say something like, ‘Last time you had a hard time doing these steps, and today you did it. That’s a great improvement.’”

Struggling to parent differently from how you were raised? Read here for tips and real-life stories from moms.