Teen Shares What It's Really Like Raised By Positive Discipline Parent

Positive discipline parenting has sparked considerable debate within parenting communities. While some view it as impractical and overly idealistic, there others, like parenting educator Clarice Aviñante, who recognizes its enduring positive impact on children.

Amidst the myriad voices that are weighing in on this parenting topic, one perspective often overlooked is that of the child. In a heartfelt discussion about the effects of positive discipline, Julia Aviñante, Clarice’s 15-year-old daughter, shares three profound ways this parenting approach has affected her.

3 Effects of Positive Parenting on a Child

In a Facebook Live session on Clarice’s Facebook page, Positive Parenting Philippines, Clarice and Julia engaged in an no holds barred discussion about their experiences with positive discipline. Clarice prefaced the conversation with a candid acknowledgment of her ongoing journey in adopting positive parenting within her own family - that is far from perfect and demands continuous effort from her end.

Clarice emphasized that positive parenting is far from easy, especially when dealing with children who seem to deplete your patience. However, she also realized that what makes it challenging for parents is often their failure to see and witness its long-term benefits on children.

“Because positive parenting is not lazy parenting, it takes intentionality, it’s hard to apply it.” -Clarice Aviñante

So what better way to explore the effects of positive discipline than to hear from a child who has experienced it firsthand?

Fostering a Strong Parent-Child Relationship

Julia attributes positive discipline to the strong bond she now shares with her mother. "Because of positive discipline, we really got to have a good relationship," she states, highlighting the trust and open communication they've nurtured. Julia shares that she feels secure confiding in her mother, fostering an environment where she can freely express herself without fear of judgment.

“I know I can communicate with her, share my issues without judgment. I trust her.” - Julia Aviñante

Developing Leadership and Communication Skills

Julia reflects on how positive discipline has equipped her with invaluable leadership and communication skills. "Knowing it’s techniques [positive discipline] and having those techniques used on me has made me a better person," she shares.

She applies these techniques beyond the family setting, navigating social interactions and assuming leadership roles, for example at school, with confidence.

“With positive discipline, I learned being able to be kind and firm and set boundaries and still be respectful to people.” - Julia Aviñante

Enhancing Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence

Julia speaks of the self-awareness and emotional resilience she's gained through positive discipline. She describes how it's empowered her to process her feelings and navigate emotions with maturity.

“Positive discipline has helped me understand and embrace my emotions,” she says, crediting her mother for guiding her through these emotions at a young age. These skills, she acknowledges, are invaluable as she journeys through adolescence and beyond.

Debunking Myths About Positive Discipline

Continuing with their discussion, Clarice and Julia went on to debunk common myths surrounding positive discipline:

Myth 1: “It only works if you are lucky to have ‘good’ kids”

Clarice shares that one of the most common comments she would get was that positive discipline works for her because she was lucky enough to have “good kids” or “mababait na anak”.

Clarice addresses this misconception, drawing from Julia's own experiences as a once-stubborn child. Like almost all, if not all, kids, Julia didn’t want to listen to her mom before. She wanted things to go her way only; anything dictated by her parents, she declined.

Clarice echoed this sentiment, describing Julia as a “strong-willed child” and adding that with her three children, they also would fight as siblings. It wasn’t a perfect household, as many would imagine, and this is when her determination to employ positive discipline became stronger. Julia admits to her own resistance, emphasizing that positive discipline is not limited to “good” children but benefits all and that she was a testament to this.

Myth 2: “It’s like magic”

Julia shared that it wasn’t until she was 6 years old that her mom switched to positive discipline. However, she admits that she wasn’t receptive to the change initially, and it didn’t transform the household overnight. So what changed?

Julia believes it was her mom’s consistency that made the difference. Despite initial resistance, her mom persisted with positive discipline. Julia also emphasizes the importance of her mom's honesty about her feelings. This authenticity, or what Julia calls the “humanization” of her mom, helped her understand Clarice's perspective better. Julia expressed to her mom, “Your vulnerability while I was vulnerable helped, because it made me realize that we were in the same situation, it helped us work together.”

In conclusion, Julia reflects on the profound realization that positive discipline has instilled: the unwavering love and support of her mother, unconditionally expressed through this nurturing parenting approach.