Being An Involved Dad Benefits Your Child And You, Says Research

In our Smart Parenting Village group, we get posts from some moms complaining that their hubbies are not as involved as they should be in childcare.  One mom ranted that her partner is a good provider and responsible in other aspects of family life but avoids taking care of their 3-year-old, even on weekends when he’s supposed to have more time.

She couldn’t help but ask this question to her co-villagers: “I would like to know kung yung mga tatay ba talaga, ayaw o takot mag alaga ng bata? And big deal ba yun, dapat ba pagusapan o mag adjust na lang ako kase responsibilidad ko yun pagaalaga?”

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Interestingly, some Moms in the thread said they have the same situation and didn’t know how to deal with the problem as well. Some Smart Parenting Villagers, including Dads, on the other hand, felt strongly that taking care of the children is always a shared responsibility between mom and dad.

One villager advised that the Mom should talk to her partner: “Hindi sapat na magprovide siya financially para masabing ginagampanan nya ang pagiging ama,” she said.

One Dad chimed, “It’s his responsibility, too, na alagaan ang kids. Unless gusto niyang lumaki anak nyang malayo ang loob sa kanya.” 

Another Dad agreed that taking care and playing with the kids is a shared responsibility and suggested that the Dad can start by bringing his kid to the zoo or get into an activity that both he and his child will enjoy.” 

All responses make a good point but the latter suggestion for the Dad to seek an activity that he can enjoy with his child, in particular, relates to a study that suggests that when fathers ‘create a positive space for their children, they also benefit.’

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ABC’s of fatherhood and how it benefits not just the child 

According to an article in Fatherly, father-child relationships are far more complicated than seeing a father playing, being affectionate, or spending time with his child. In his article titled, “Kids With Involved Dads Thrive. So Do the Dads.” Human Development and Family Sciences Professor from the University of Delaware, Rob Palkovitz, writes that new research shows involved fatherhood “benefits across the lifespans of men and their children.”

Using the  ‘ABC of Fatherhood’ model, a research-supported three-point plan for “long-term relationships and personal success,” Palkovitz explains how fathers’ emotional investments in their children always pay off.

A good father-child relationship is not only good for the child. It's also good for the fathers themselves.

‘A’ stands for Affective Climate

Considered the most crucial foundation of a father-child relationship, this relates to a child being secure in his father’s love as the basis for positive identity and courage to explore and learn new things. “…Developing these facets of the father-child relationship is not only good for the child — it’s also a vital part of adult male human development,” writes Palkovitz.

“Involved fatherhood contributes to a man’s cognitive skills, health, and capacity for empathy. It builds his confidence and self-esteem while enhancing emotional regulation and expression.” Fathers who develop this facet also learn to control anger, tap into their tender and emphatic side, as well as allow this side to spill over into other relationships such as friendships and marriage, adds Palkovitz.

RELATED: Kids Suffer More When They Feel Rejected By Their Father, Study Finds

‘B’ represents father’s behavior

This refers to actions such as being present in a child’s activities such as games, helping with homework, and playing with the child. “When a father is positively engaged in these ways, his children tend to have better school attainment, smoother peer relationships, less drug use, delayed sexual initiation and fewer issues with the law and authorities,” Palkovitz writes.

For his part, such engagements make the father a sensitive caregiver and provides him opportunities to re-experience his childhood, reintegrate memories, and make sense of his own relationship with his parents, adds Palkovitz. Through such bonding, fathers also go through ‘deep psychological development for themselves,” he explains. 

'C' is for connection

This refers to a father’s synchrony and sensitivity to his child/ren, according to Palkovitz. By developing this facet, a father learns to tune in better to his child. He is better able to read the mood of his child and will know when he is needed or when to give some space.

“Tuning in changes men,” writes Palkovitz. By learning to be more emphatic with one’s child can also translate to other areas of a man’s life such as work where he can have a better understanding of the perspectives of colleagues, he elaborates.

Developing these qualities do not happen overnight, but gradually says an expert.

Palkovitz adds that developing these qualities do not happen overnight but gradually “by successfully building the father-child relationship through a series of transitions as his child develops, his family faces crises or deaths, and his own economic or emotional situation changes.”

If there’s anything that the new research proves, it’s that fatherhood is not just about kids but is also instrumental in the development of the male adult, according to Palkovitz.

“This is why physical affection and time spent with children cannot adequately describe the success of a father-child relationship over time,” he writes. “These relationships are successful when they lead to change — when increasingly informed, enthusiastic and skilled fathers learn to parent secure and increasingly independent young people.”

For moms feeling alone in child care, the best first step is to find the courage to talk to their partner or husband. As he makes progress and becomes more involved, know that it will benefit not only your child but your partner’s life as well. Such positive relationship then spills over to the rest of his relationships, including the one you share.  

Read about the lifelong benefits dads can give their kids here.