How To Gently Wean Your Child From Breastfeeding: Tips, Timelines And What To Watch Out For

We all know the great benefits of a breastfed baby but there comes a point when mothers must make the hard decision of whether to start weaning or not. Mothers wean their breastfeeding babies for many reasons from insufficient milk supply, returning to a fulltime job, plans of having another baby, to simply knowing the time is right especially when the child is already in his toddler years. 

Once the decision is made, the question of how to do it the best, easiest, and gentlest way comes next.  There really is no easy way to wean without seeing your child struggle at the first few attempts, however, with some creativity, there are approaches where both child and mom ‘wins’ in the end.

Weaning creatively and gradually

Boston-based writer Rachel Meyers, in her article in Parents.com, wanted to wean her son after 34 months of breastfeeding. Options such as “going cold turkey, sleeping downstairs, or just disappearing for a week” didn’t feel quite right for her.

In total, it took Meyer three weeks to fully wean her son with just one or two pleas to breastfeed.

“If I was going to take away the greatest source of comfort, nourishment, and connection that my son had ever known, I wanted to do it gently, and without trauma,” she writes. 

“I scoured the internet for weaning books, and found nothing,” she wrote. She turned to her creativity instead and used an approach that was developmentally suited for her son who was two months shy of age three. 

She created a photo book that showed images of her son from birth to the present, demonstrating how he has grown to be an independent boy. The book became her take-off point in making her son understand that weaning from “mama’s mimis” —their endearing term for breastmilk—was part of growing up and that one day mama’s body won’t be making any more ‘mimis’. “My son got a kick out of his special "big boy" book, and truly seemed to comprehend it,” she wrote.

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Accompanying the photo book approach was the consultation from her doula who advised her to “take it slowly, to move gently.” From breastfeeding three times a day–one at 4:30am, one at naptime and another at bedtime—they decided on weaning one feed a week in the order of naptime, bedtime and then, finally, 4:30 am feed. 

On day one, it was Meyer’s husband who took over naptime duties while she went out for coffee. The next day, it was her turn and her son wailed and sobbed but she was quick to soothe him with reassuring words. 

On the third day the tears were gone, she wrote. “My son fell asleep quickly, and woke up independently, not needing the usual cuddles.” After the first triumph, the weaning became almost effortless for bedtime and 4:30 am feed, with Meyer describing the process as “no big deal’ and ‘felt like old hat.’

Timing is important. Ideally it should be done when the mother’s schedule is lighter and when everything in the child’s sleeping routine in optimal

In total, it took Meyer three weeks to fully wean her son with just one or two pleas to breastfeed. Looking back she feels no regret at all ‘just joy, and gratitude’ she concludes.

Prepare sleeping cues

For “The Gentle Sleep” book author Sarah Ockwell Smith, there are no shortcuts to gentle weaning. Specifically for full night weans, she says the process can take around two months with half of this period just dedicated to introducing sleep cues that work as “comfortable replacements” to feeding at night. Such sleeping cues can be music, scents, and comforters. 

• Play gentle music night and day while feeding or cuddling or while giving your child a massage to help associate the music with sleep.
• Wear a scent your child can associate with you such as lavender or chamomile which you can put on during sleeping time. 
• Use Comforters, pillows or stuffed toys that you can place between you and your child every time you cuddle and feed. “The comforter is to be viewed almost as an extension of you and allows your child to feel that they have a small piece of you with them at night,” Smith advises.

Before starting the process of gentle weaning, Smith says it’s important to establish a clear reason for it especially if you are planning on doing it before the child reaches one year old. She also adds that the timing is just as important. Ideally it should be done when the mother’s schedule is lighter and when everything in the child’s sleeping routine in optimal. 

Every child is different so approaching weaning with a little creativity and lots of patience goes a long way in making the process a ‘wean-win’ situation for both mother and child. 

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