Pregnancy Loss Taught This Couple That Joy Can Co-Exist With Grief

October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, observed annually to honor and remember babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), and newborn death. October is also recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This article is part of Smart Parenting’s two-part feature commemorating Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Content Alert: This article contains discussions of miscarriage and stillbirth.

When you’re a woman hoping to get pregnant, finally seeing two lines in a pregnancy test—especially when you’ve experienced months of negative results—is bound to fill you with an overwhelming sense of happiness. But when the joy of pregnancy ultimately ends in heartbreak, how—and where—do you find the strength to move on?

For Julia Dagamac, 26, it was through her husband, Dustin, and their “tribe.” The same people who celebrated their pregnancy when they announced it were the same people who showed up for them when they experienced a miscarriage at 12 weeks. “I learned that being a villager doesn’t just mean showing up for people. It also means allowing people to show up for you,” she tells Smart Parenting in an online interview.

When Julia’s period came a day late, she immediately felt like she needed to take a pregnancy test. She had zero pregnancy symptoms, and yet this time felt different. “The first test came back negative, but I just didn’t believe it. Two days later, I took another one, and it showed two lines. I was pregnant!”

When she and Dustin married in 2025, they didn’t have a strict timeline for having kids. “For us, it was less about ‘trying’ and more about being ready,” Julia explains. “We simply made healthier lifestyle choices and trusted that God will give us a baby when the time is right.”

So seeing that positive pregnancy kit, Julia was in complete shock, and yet deep down she knew what the results would be. “I really had a feeling,” she shares, adding that she even bought extra kits to be sure before telling her husband.

When Dustin came home from a work event, Julia sat him down on the couch with a paper bag containing the pregnancy test. He stared at it for a long time, trying to process what he was seeing. “I had to nudge him and say, ‘It’s positive. I’m pregnant!’ Once it registered, he held me tight and kissed me, calling it God’s early birthday gift since my birthday gift was just a few days away,” Julia says. “He hugged me again and started jumping up and down with joy, while I sobbed happy tears, telling him that he was going to be a dad and we were going to be parents.”

Julia and Dustin happily shared the news with family members—her sister Andee, brother-in-law JC, and their nephew; Julia’s parents; and Dustin’s parents. “We also shared the news with our closest friends and church community,” she adds.

When they finally heard their baby’s heartbeat, the couple shared it through social media to mark the milestone. Some people advised them to wait before sharing, but Julia and Dustin stood firm.

“This baby was a miracle and a blessing that deserved to be honored and celebrated no matter what,” Julia says. “We wanted to declare this blessing and share our joy with the people walking alongside us.”

RELATED READ: Practical Gifts for Mothers Coping with Pregnancy Loss

For several weeks, Julia and Dustin embarked on their journey to parenthood. Julia experienced typical first-trimester symptoms like sensitivity to smells and intense fatigue, but luckily, she and Dustin ran a media production company together, so she could step back from work, rest, and keep her stress levels down while maintaining daily routines.

What excited them the most was choosing a name for their unborn child, whom they nicknamed ‘Baby D’. “Dustin and I had always kept a list of names for our future children, so actually choosing a boy or a girl name felt surreal. Our family shared in that excitement and would constantly call my tummy by the names they picked out,” Julia shares.

Finally, the couple planned their baby’s arrival. They were already searching for a new home so Baby D could have a nursery, and they imagined what family life would be like, along with all the adjustments they were eager to make for their little one. “In our season of life, many of the people around us were not married yet—let alone thinking about starting a family. But building a family was the very thing Dustin and I had always desired, prayed for, and were so deeply excited to step into together,” Julia shares.

While it seemed Julia’s pregnancy was going smoothly, she suddenly experienced heavy bleeding at 12 weeks while she was visiting her parents’ home. She tried to stay calm and told herself that spotting can always happen during pregnancy, but she couldn’t help but cry and be terrified.

When her husband arrived, the bleeding had slowed, so the couple decided to rest through the night and get an ultrasound the next day. However, persistent abdominal pain set in—“on-and-off contractions that I convinced myself were just uterine growth,” Julia says.

The next day, the sonographer broke the most devastating news. There was no movement in the womb, and their baby’s heartbeat had stopped. Julia was left to stare at her still baby on the monitor while the sonographer finished the scan quietly.

Outside the clinic room, Dustin waited for his wife. “The image of him looking at me for news is burned into my memory,” Julia recalls. After she told him the result, they walked to the car in shock and disbelief and sobbed together.

That night, Julia’s bleeding intensified, and the couple proceeded to the emergency room. Upon their OB-GYN’s advice, they eventually went home to try to pass the baby naturally. The next day, they set another appointment with their doctor for a final scan.

“During the scan, seeing only blood clots where Baby D had been was a different kind of heartbreak. I didn’t know what hurt more: seeing our Baby D without a heartbeat, or seeing an ultrasound with no baby at all,” Julia says.

When medication failed to clear her womb after a week, Julia decided to move forward with a D&C—“so we could stop prolonging the agony and finally focus on healing.”

Looking back, Julia says the procedure was another kind of heartbreak. “Going through the process of being in the hospital, feeling the pain of contractions, getting a procedure in the OR, and going home just like you would when you give birth, except this time, we went home without a baby,” Julia shares.

“I thought to myself, ‘I thought I would meet the strongest version of myself when I give birth, but I didn’t realize I would meet the strongest version of myself coming home with empty arms,” she adds.

They say only mothers who have lost a baby can truly understand the depth of pain the loss entails, but it doesn’t mean those around you can’t sympathize with what you are feeling. For Julia, the experience taught them so many lessons on giving and receiving love, navigating grief, and leaning on God. If she could share anything with couples walking through loss right now, it would be these truths:

“After the D&C, every morning, I would wake up crying, hoping everything was just a bad dream,” Julia says. “But then I was okay physically, so we also got to go out for fresh air and see a few people closest to us.” She says the aftermath reminded her of their favorite Bible verse in Lamentations: ‘His mercies are new every morning.’ “It’s a reminder of the newness and grace available every day. It doesn’t mean every day is easy or happy, but that His mercy is a steady reality even in our mourning.”

“We often think asking for support is a burden, but a true community shows up in loss just as eagerly as in celebration,” Julia shares, recalling that their ‘tribe’ played a huge part in their healing. Even when she didn’t want to inconvenience others, they willingly and lovingly showed up–from her mother-in-law, who helped make their home clean and comfortable, and her mom, who showed up with meals during her recovery, to her sister, who prepared a care package with Julia’s favorite snacks and treats, and their ninangs and church community who sent food, fruit baskets, and letters.

“On top of that, I received countless messages and encouragement from different mothers who experienced the same thing as I did. There was just love and support and no comparison of how far along their baby was but just that affirmation that my grief is valid,” Julia shares.

“Some advised me to stay in bed for a month, while others suggested going outside and meeting people. I’m deeply grateful to my husband, family, and OB for allowing me to grieve and heal at my own pace without enforcing rules on my journey,” says Julia.

“One of my best friends sent me a message telling me, ‘You deeply grieve because you deeply love.’ That changed the way I looked at grief. It helped me process when I felt I had no right to mourn. That same love moves me forward every day,” she adds.

“Navigating loss alongside Dustin reminded me more than ever how important choosing a partner is. He cared for me in my most raw moments while carrying his own heavy grief, anchoring us both in faith.

“While grieving himself, he tenderly took care of me. From physically helping me clean up during heavy bleeding to taking charge while we were at the hospital, he carried us. He kept me calm and even made me laugh and smile, fulfilling my request not to spend every single second crying. He stocked our home with my favorite snacks and ensured I was completely comfortable after the procedure. He made me feel loved throughout,” Julia says.

Despite the loss, Julia says she does not regret sharing every step of their pregnancy journey, especially when she heard from so many women who also went through miscarriage, and she never would’ve guessed that they shared the same pain.

“Because moms physically carry life, there is often a default toward a false sense of self-blame and shame, leading many to grieve in secret. But when we share our stories, we break that isolation. That is why Dustin and I have no regrets about sharing our pregnancy early; we were meant to walk this life in community, and our baby was—and is—a miracle worth celebrating,” she shares.

And they still believe God will guide them to “try again” when the timing is right. “It’s not just a physical decision anymore. It also requires us to be emotionally and mentally ready. For now, we are focused on getting physically fit, caring for our bodies, and simply enjoying this current season and each other’s company before welcoming another baby,” Julia says.

If you've experienced a similar loss and are looking for a community of empathetic parents who understand what you're going through, we invite you to visit Smart Parenting Village, where you can find connection, understanding, and support from fellow parents.