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  • Mom Says Parental Burnout Is Like Throwing A Tantrum: 'It Feels Like The End Of The World'

    She describes it as a "really, really bad" temper tantrum.
    by Kitty Elicay .
Mom Says Parental Burnout Is Like Throwing A Tantrum: 'It Feels Like The End Of The World'
PHOTO BY Shutterstock/Frame Stock Footage
  • We always see our kids whine over the smallest things and most of the time, we don’t even know what made them upset. This can happen to moms, too — when faced with situations they cannot control and they are overwhelmed, they can also experience meltdowns or throw tantrums.

    Taking care of the kids and juggling work and household responsibilities can take a toll on mothers, heightening their stress and leading to parental burnout. If left unchecked, it can become serious.

    On our Facebook group, Smart Parenting Village, a mom shared her experience of having “really, really bad” temper tantrums. She has two kids including a 3-year-old and her husband works abroad. While they have a yaya, her toddler stays with her most of the time.

    “Wala akong problem sa husband ko at sa eldest namin. Wala rin akong maisip na ibang problem na pwedeng mag cause ng stress bukod sa toddler. Bothered na ako because our life is good pero kapag sobrang pagod ako, it really feels like the end of the world,” the mom shares.

    According to the mom, she finds it hard to deal with her toddler who is playful and mischievous. She is driven to the point of exhaustion and can hardly get a good night’s rest.

    “Hindi mo pwede iwan kasi akyat ng akyat at nasisira mga gamit dito sa bahay,’ the mom explains. She adds that her child has nap time during the day, but she can’t exactly go to sleep with her kid since she has other tasks she needs to accomplish.

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    “Nag-tantrums na ako kahapon kasi parang tuyot na ang utak ko sa puyat tapos todo bantay at alaga pa. Kumalma naman ako after a while pero ang bigat sa loob kasi parang naiipon lahat ng pagod at nagiging galit at sama ng loob na lang,” she shares.

    Experiences like these often lead to heightened emotions and thoughts that cause us to say or do something we may regret in the future. This is what the mom admitted while she was having tantrums.

    “Marami akong nasasabing masasakit na salita at marami ring bad thoughts. Kapag kumakalma na ako, akala ko okay na, pero magsa-snap na naman ako.”

    How to deal with parental burnout

    In the comments section, her fellow moms were quick to empathize with her experience. They shared tips and ideas on how the mom can feel better. Many of them pointed out that she badly needed to rest.

    Stop and breathe

    “Mommy, you cannot give what you don’t have. Kailangan nasa kondisyon ka. Personally, alam ko ang triggers ko. ‘Pag gutom ako, kakain talaga ako. Even if I know na hindi pa nakakakain ang baby ko, mauuna an ako.

    “If I feed him at ako naman ang gutom, mabilis malagas ang pasensiya ko. I make sure na ok ako before I attend to him.” — Joy P.

    Don’t feel guilty about setting aside responsibilities

    “You are exhausted. Have something that will boost your mood, like giving yourself sweets.

    “Don’t feel guilty kung makalat. Sa hapon ka na lang maglipgit. Normal na napapagod ang nanay pero make a daily routine for your child para on time ang tulog ninyo pareho.” — Kareen O.

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    Know the real reason for your outbursts

    “Identify mo kung ano ang root cause ng problems mo. Kung pagod, delegate the cleaning to your yaya para maka-rest ka.

    “Kung ‘yung toddler mo, then I think it’s normal to feel out of touch lalo ‘pag feeling mo binigay mo na ang buong buhay, pagkatao, at oras mo para sa pamilya. Take care of yourself first so you have the energy to take care of your family.” — April M.

    Create a routine for you and your toddler

    “Children thrive in a predictable environment and they have to know what’s coming. You can also help them become more independent and let them play with open-ended toys so they can play on their own and leave you alone.” — Lar T.

    “Less gadgets, less sweets, and less activities that will boost ‘yung pagka hyper niya. Nagpapatugtog din ako ng mga sleep time and bed time songs para marelax hindi lang ang isip ni baby pero pati na rin ang ating mga isip.” — Jay R.

    Choose your battles

    “In the case of making my house as clean as possible versus taking care of a tot, I’ll just choose to let her trash the house because it is unavoidable, and I don’t want to stress so much about it.” — Lar T.

    Let go

    “Ganyan din ako noon pero narealize ko na mas importante na alagaan ko rin ang mental health ko. Sabi ko, ‘Kung pwede gawin ng iba, siya na gumawa.’ Pwede ko naman i-delegate ang kalat sa helper, kaya bakit ko pa papagalitan si baby at magpapakastress.” — Gabi Q.

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    “Nag-hire kami ng helper kahit ‘di naman kami mayaman. Think of it as investment for your mental health. Whatever will work for your situation, gawin mo.” — April M.

    “’Pag makalat hinahayaan ko na lang. Kasi ikakalat lang rin naman, normal naman ‘yun sa mga bata lalo ngayon na hindi sila makalabas. Saka na lang ako nagliligpit  kapag nakatulog na siya.” — J.J.

    Do something that makes you happy

    “’Pag alam ko na mag-go-Godzilla mode na ako, lalo na ‘yung kakaligpit ko lang, kalat na naman na parang binagyo ‘yung paligid, I walk out muna sa scene. Pupunta ako sa kitchen, kakain ako ng Cream-O para mabawasan ‘yung init ng ulo ko.

    “Do more of what makes you happier. For me, movie and series marathon and less watching of the news kasi nakakastress lang.” — Julie A.

    “Mag-unwind paminsan-minsan. Eat your favorite food na kine-crave mo. Chat with your friends. It’s all about you — do something na makakapagpasaya sa’yo!” — Jay R.

    Additional research by Darlene Estandarte

    Click here to see the playhouse that a mom built so her kids can be happier and she can avoid burnout.

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