TV host and mother Bianca Gonzalez is celebrating the second anniversary of her podcast, Paano Ba 'To, and in time for the love month, she guested no less than her husband, former professional basketball player JC Intal.
The couple, who is married for almost nine years and blessed with two kids Lucia and Carmen, got real in the podcast episode and shared tips for handling conflicts between husband and wife.
Tips for handling 'away mag-asawa'
Here are our takeaways from this special podcast:
1. Don't sweat the small stuff
JC, whom Bianca says is a very private person, shared his learnings from their relationship, "When we fight, kapag maliit na bagay lang, kalma nalang ako eh. Hindi naman sa pagod na, mas sanay lang tayo how to handle it. Pero before, of course, 'pag may away, yung maliit na bagay lumalaki."
Bianca meanwhile said that through time, couples eventually learn to choose their battles.
2. Got into a fight? It's okay to sleep on it
The couple also said, they don't really subscribe to the marriage advice that couples should never go to bed angry. "Minsan, hindi rin totoo yung 'wag niyo tutulugan yung away niyo. Wala namang like, 100 out of 100 nights, I'm sure may natulugan na rin tayo eh," JC said.
To which Bianca responded, "Actually we always sleep."
JC explained, "Bilib din ako sa iba na kaya nila mag-usap. For me depende sa time eh. Kung gabi away niyo matulog na kayo, magpalamig na kayo then the next morning, mag-kape kayong dalawa, then say sorry kung anong pinag-awayan niyo nung gabi."
"Love is a driving force that you constantly have to work on."
Bianca added that sometimes when they fight about petty things, they don't even remember it the next day.
For Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, strictly adhering to the "Never go to bed angry" advice might cause you to react impulsively or feel pressured to halt your feelings of anger, which may have drawbacks.
"Being angry or holding a grudge can be exhausting. Finding a way to achieve forgiveness or resolution around the situation prompting your anger can help neutralize the situation and preserve your energy," Dr. Romanoff said.
However, according to Very Well Mind, if you think that you can't resolve your problem within the night, it's okay to take some time to cool off and come back to the issue when you're feeling better and calmer.
READ ALSO: Bianca Gonzalez Admits She's Her Husband's 'Bwisitspiration' (LOL!)
3. Be careful with your words
JC has this to say when it comes to talking to your spouse during a conflict. "Control your emotions, especially be careful with your words kung paano ka sasagot."
When resolving fights like this, confrontation isn't really required. Sometimes, if you are comfortable communicating with your husband via text message, you can apologize sincerely through it.
He cautions though that couples should refrain from talking about past mistakes, like saying "Ikaw kasi ganyan ka" or "Ikaw ugali mo."
4. Be mindful of your tone of voice.
JC also learned about the importance of watching your tone. "Minsan hindi alam ng wife mo pag-uwi mo pagod ka or stressed ka, hindi mo sinasadya, minsan sasagot ka ng pabalang or masungit. Masasabayan talaga 'pag masungit or pagod." He quipped, "Hay nako, 'wag niyo na pag-awayan yan, sayang 'yung araw niyo at oras."
READ ALSO: 'Allow Yourself To Rest,' And More Lessons From Bianca Gonzalez's 'Paano Ba Ito' For New Moms
What is love?
The couple then shared what love means to them. "Being a father, a husband, a family man, love is a very deep word with a very deep meaning. Kasi ako I have two kids, iba yung na-feel kong love. We're married for nine years, iba-ibang level ng love yung na-feel ko. Masasabing love kapag napatunayan mo na."
READ ALSO: 'Ang Babaero, Babaero' Bianca Gonzalez Says 'Wala Sa Klase Ng Trabaho Ang Pagiging Babaero'
For Bianca, love is like an active, dynamic feeling that you have to take care of and nurture every day. "Love is a driving force that you constantly have to work on. It really takes work, it's the very thing that keeps you going."
Listen to the full podcast on Spotify here.
Moms get candid saying 'make-up sex' is part of away mag-asawa. Read it here.
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