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  • Want A Happier Sex Life? Have Confidence And Joy In Your Body, Says This Sex Educator

    Know that you are beautiful, moms!
    by Kate Borbon .
Want A Happier Sex Life? Have Confidence And Joy In Your Body, Says This Sex Educator
PHOTO BY iStock
  • If you want to have a happy, vibrant sex life, sex educator Emily Nagoski says all you need to do is have confidence and joy in your body.

    Why is this the case? Because, according to TED Ideas, even the most outwardly confident individuals may still consider themselves — their bodies, desires, and responses — nothing but normal or even weird. Nagoski says this preoccupation can get in the way “of unlocking the door to [our] own authentic sexual well-being.”

    Aside from that, Nagoski also says in her TED Talk that other factors, like unwanted pregnancies, being interrupted by your kids, and worries about what your partner thinks of how you look, can also hinder the achievement of sexual well-being.

    She explains that the two keys needed to truly have a happy sex life are confidence and joy. “Confidence comes from knowing what is true, even if it’s not what you were taught should be true,” while joy “comes from loving what is true, even if it’s not what you were taught to expect.”

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    How do you cultivate confidence and joy in your body? Here are Nagoski’s tips:

    Stand naked in front of a mirror

    If you can’t do this completely naked, you can also try being as close to naked as you can, like wearing only underwear. And then, take a moment to look at yourself.

    “Of course, the first thing that will happen is your brain will flood with all the culturally constructive messages about the ways your body falls short of the culturally constructed ideal,” says Nagoski. “That’s fine. You have every other minute of the day in which to have those self-critical thoughts. Just set them aside temporarily.”

    Next, write down every feature you have that you like. Repeat this as often as you can; the more you do, the more you will realize how truly beautiful you are, says Nagoski.

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    Visualize the “door” standing between you and fully expressing your sexuality

    If you can’t do the mirror exercise, try this instead: Imagine the barrier — the “door” — that is hindering you from freely and fully expressing your sexuality. Nagoski says that this door “was built in our brains by our experiences and by our culture, and it serves to protect us,” TED Ideas writes.

    Nagoski suggests calming yourself down then taking at least two minutes per day to picture the door… and work towards learning to finally open it. “I don’t know if your door might be ready to open a little bit or if your door needs to stay closed a little while longer. But I know that the first step is always to turn toward the door with kindness and compassion.”

    As TED Ideas writes, learning to accept your body and your past experiences can help you cultivate confidence and joy and stray from the thinking that you’re abnormal.

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    Nagoski says, “We’re not just normal. We’re amazing, we are beguiling, we are courageous … we are all the way down the alphabet to yapping and zesty.”

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