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'Mas Pipiliin Ko Maging Single Mom Kaysa Araw-Araw Ramdam Ko Na Hindi Ako Sapat'
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  • After weeks of speculation, actress LJ Reyes finally confirmed that her six-year relationship with Paolo Contis has ended. In an online interview with Boy Abunda last September 1, the mom of two said that she is speaking up to get the facts straight and revealed the events that led to their separation.

    “Matagal ko nang nararamdaman na nakahiwalay na siya sa amin,” LJ shares. Currently, she is staying in New York City in the United States with her mom and sister “to recover and rebuild as a family.” (Read more here.)

    When is a marriage worth saving?

    In our parenting community, Smart Parenting Village, fellow moms sympathized with LJ's situation, especially when she said, “Kung walang bata, okay lang. ‘Di ko ipipilit sarili ko.” It led to one mother asking how to handle marital problems when there are kids involved.

    Here are some of their answers.

    1. Do what’s best for you 

    “Hindi maaaring irason palagi ang kids. How can you take good care of them kung ikaw mismo sa sarili mo ay ‘di okay? Do what’s best for you nang sa gayon ay magampanan mo ang pagiging mabuting ina sa mga anak mo.” — Angel A.

    2. Huwag tumigil magmahal at huwag sukuan ang isa’t-isa

    “Alam ninyo yung kantang Leaves ng Ben&Ben? Yung lyrics nun, ganun dapat ang mag-asawa. 'In the end, what makes it worth the fights is that no matter what happens we try to make it right.'

    “Maraming gulo sa paligid nyo. Marami kayong dadanasing mahirap na sitwasyon pero dapat alam ninyo sa sarili ninyo na kayong mag-asawa ang palaging magkakampi, partners kayo eh. Wala namang perpektong tao at wala ring perpektong relasyon. Kaya sana kung magkamali ang isa o parehas, matutong makinig, umintindi, at magpatawad.” — Anonymous

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    3. Be firm and stand on your own

    “Some men ay talagang abusado kaya kailangan mo rin maging firm at tumayo on your own. Whether may anak kayo or wala, prove to them na kaya mo mabuhay ng wala sila.” — Rose R.

    4. Patunay na inaalis tayo sa maling desisyon

    “It should not always be for the sake of the kids na mabuo ang pamilya. Baka matrauma at maging normal pa sa kaisipan nila ito. Ito lang ang patunay na inaalis tayo sa maling desisyon.” — J.D.A.

    5. Don't force yourself to stay

    “‘Di ako mag-stay at magpapaka-martyr sa isang relationship na inaayawan na ‘ko kahit may mga bata pang involved. For me, mas mag-go-grow ako at mas magiging maganda future namin ng mga bata kung aalis ako.” — Mary T.

    6. Surrender everything to the Lord

    “‘Pag may kids na involved ang hirap mag-decide and yung pain ng isang ina dahil pati anak ay tinalikuran is so unbearable. Lagi ako tinatanong, 'Pa’no ko ginawa?' Ang lagi kong sinasabi, sinurrender ko lahat kay Lord lahat ng pains and worries ko kasi di natin mababago ang mind at heart ng isang tao.” — Costillas M.

    7. Mas pipiliin ko na lang na maging single mom

    “Para sa akin, mas pipiliin ko na lang na maging single mom kaysa araw-araw kong maramdaman na hindi ako sapat.” — Nikka V.

    8. There are things that must not be tolerated

    “Communication is key. It’s always important to communicate with your partner lalo na kung mga small things pa lang 'yan kasi it’s the small things that pile up and lead to bigger issues.

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    “That being said, may mga bagay na zero-tolerance at ‘yun ay ang cheating at physical and emotional abuse. Simple lang yan: Kung iniisip mo talaga ang anak mo, why would you raise your child in this kind of environment?

    “Kung babae siya, you might be teaching your daughter na okay lang magtiis and you're propagating that cycle of abuse. Kung lalaki naman siya, you're giving him a bad role model and he might be influenced to be a cheater or abuser when he grows up. Either way, it's never good for the kids.

    “Being a couple means being in a partnership. Kayong mag-asawa ang magkatuwang sa pagpapalaki ng mga anak ninyo at sayang lang ituturo mo sa kanila kung yung pinapakita mo naman is the opposite.” — Rani C.

    9. It won't work if the other one has surrendered

    “It takes two to tango... It won’t work if the other one surrendered already.” — Katrina R.

    10. Let go kaysa kumapit

    “Sometimes mas maganda na mag-let go kaysa kumapit tapos masasaktan ka lang ng paulit-ulit. Kailangan i-consider din natin — mas makakaganda ba sa mga bata na magkasama kayo? Matalino ang mga bata. Minsan mas alam pa nila ang nangyayari.” — Kathryn C.

    11. Kung hindi na willing, tapusin mo na

    “'Pag ikaw na lang ang kumakapit tapos yung partner mo hindi na, mag-isip ka na. Ayaw mo namang araw-araw magduda at magtanong sa sarili mo. Tapos aasa ka that by being a good wife and mother, okay na lahat.

    “Kung hindi willing ang isa na ayusin ang lahat, tapusin mo na. For your sanity and peace of mind. Seek help for any legal actions you can take against your partner. Ensure your children’s future.” — Jennifer MV

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    12. Better to leave peacefully and be happy

    “For those na dumaraan at dadaanan ang ganitong sitwasyon, better na palayain ninyo ang isa’t-isa sa lahat ng pain na pwedeng makita ng mga anak ninyo. It's better to leave peacefully and be happy!” — Janice P.

    13. Think if it's healthy for the kids

    “Moms, sometimes kids don't want to see us hurting and sacrificing. They prefer a healthy and peaceful environment.” — Angelique C.

    14. Evaluate your partner

    “If you're miserable especially the kids, ask yourself: May totoong pagmamahal at respeto ba para magabayan ang mga bata? Kung tatanda kaming magkasama ng taong mahal ko, 'yun ay dahil may pagmamahal at respeto kami sa isa't isa. Hindi yung dahil isa sa amin ay kinaya lang at tiniis ang paulit-ulit na kamalian ng isa.

    “Evaluate your partner and ask, do you still deserve to have them around? Are they still helpful and beneficial for the kids? Is the relationship still healthy for the family? Kung puro sakit lang ang dala, get out of that family.” — Cath E.

    15. Are you happy?

    “My thinking back then was, 'Ano na lang ang sasabihin ng tao?' May kids involved, magiging good example ba siya? Are we treated how we deserve to be treated)? Are we happy?'”

    “Dami ko kinonsider. Pero mas pinili kong maging strong for my kids. Now, okay naman kami. They're happy and very loving. Most importantly, I'm happy. Lagi ko nalang sinasabi sa kids ko, 'Aral ng mabuti. Focus on your goals. Show them you made it without them.'” — Michele CM

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    Is your partner having an affair? Read how to catch him if he's cheating on your phone here.

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