The hit K-Drama Queen of Tears (QoT) made history when its final episode became the most-watched Korean series finale. It even surpassed the series finale of Crash Landing on You (CLOY).
What made the K-Drama special is its reverse storytelling of Baek Hyun-Woo (Kim Soo-hyun) and Hong Hae-In’s (Kim Ji-won) love story. Most of us grew up with fairy tales and love stories ending with “And they lived happily ever after”. We may be reading these lines to our children today. Instead, Queen of Tears showed that marriage is not at all a “happily ever after”. It is not an ending to a love story but the beginning of a new journey.
The entire series embodied the wedding vow, “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
Smart Parenting listed the marriage lessons we picked up from Queen of Tears. Read on to know them. (Warning, spoilers ahead!)
Marriage lessons from Queen of Tears
1. Marriage is commitment
QoT emphasized that marriage is a commitment. And by commitment, it means staying by each other’s side no matter what happens. This is seems ironic since Hyun-woo and Hae-in got divorced, but what they did afterward showed that chose to stay committed to each other.
As Baek Hyun-woo said, “That’s what marriage is. Being on the same side and in the same boat. And if the boat capsizes, then we go down together. If you live, then I live too. That’s what it is. But in the future, there will be many times when I’m even more flabbergasted, wronged, and upset. But I’d be very delighted if you were in the boat I was in. Even if we need to bail water out and row all night long, I’d have someone to rely on. Shouldn’t we marry someone who makes us feel that way?”
The couple’s journey was not easy, so is married life in reality. We may not all have problems concerning conglomerate companies or hidden money, but married life is still full of challenges.
Another good example from QoT is Hong Soo-cheol (Hae-in’s brother) and his wife. Despite the wife’s betrayal and his family’s opposition, he chose to stay committed and fought for it.
Commitment in marriage is not only shown during the wedding vows. Commitment is lived out every single day with your spouse. As the popular song goes, “Pipiliin ka sa araw-araw.”
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2. Love’s true meaning
K-Dramas are known for kilig and lovey-dovey stories that make viewers swoon. However, QoT showed a different meaning of love—a realistic definition.
Hong Hae-in said, “I don’t know what love means to you. But to me, it’s not about being happy and whispering sweet nothings. Love is enduring pain together, choosing to stay instead of running away. Even if there's a debt or something more, you still stick together. That’s love.”
Romance and kilig are great, but in marriage, when you’re living adult lives with real responsibilities, there are days when romance won’t be present. Finances? Parenting? Health conditions? Balancing responsibilities and chasing your own dreams? It’s during these moments that love shows its true meaning.
Sometimes, love is quietly sitting down together, without all other things ‘extra’. The presence of each other is enough to comfort you and make you want to do it every single day.
3. Communication is crucial.
In QoT, there are scenes where viewers have probably said , “If you only talked to each other, then none of those problems would have arised.” Most problems between Baek Hyun-woo and Hong Hae-in surfaced because they simply don’t communicate with each other.
Baek Hyun-Woo realized this later, “I should have talked to you after a long day and asked you how you’ve been, how you’re feeling, and what you’re thinking.” After three years of marriage, the couple almost didn’t talk to each other, not knowing their spouse’s feelings, thoughts, and emotions.
Their miscommunication started when they didn’t process one of their biggest challenges—miscarriage. Without properly communicating how they feel, wrong assumptions were born. This led to misunderstanding and eventually, drifting away from each other.
In marriage, all forms of communication is crucial. All the trivial questions like “How’s your day?”, “How are you feeling?” are important. Unspoken feelings may leave space for wrong assumptions, misunderstanding, and heartache.
4. Talk about your expectations.
Another lesson learned from QoT is married couples should lay down their expectations from each other, discuss and agree with it.
There were funny scenes when Baek Hyun-woo didn’t know what to do to make his wife happy. “I once surprised you during our wedding anniversary, but you got mad because you said you didn’t want any surprises. But when I didn’t prepare anything, you also got mad. I don’t know what to do because I don’t know what you want.” All married couples can relate at some point!
Marriage is a partnership and in partnerships, both parties need to lay down what they expect from each other. Assuming that the other party already knows what you want is dangerous, and can eventually lead to an argument. In the final episode, the couple talked about what they want from each other. “I’d like to have breakfast together every morning. And taking walks every day. What about going on a trip every season?”
Discuss expectations you might have with your spouse, talk about it, and agree on it.
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5. Let go of your ego.
“It’s not my fault, it’s my spouse’s fault”, says our ego. Marriage becomes a never-ending battle between who’s right or wrong. “You did this, so I’ll do this”, “I said sorry last time, even though it wasn’t my fault,” are some lines familiar to married couples.
Baek Hyun-woo and Hong Hae-in were indeed defeated by their ego. They didn’t let their guard down, even with each other. And when they finally started to reconcile, both of them said the things they did to each other that were hurtful. They did not point out who’s right or wrong, they admitted that they both made mistakes in their marriage, apologized, and promised to do better.
Letting down your ego is not only during arguments, it’s also knowing when to ask for help from your spouse. “I’m having a hard time doing this, can you help me?”
When Hae-in finally admitted she needed her husband’s help, that’s when their breakthrough happened.
6. Give your spouse a clean slate.
When Hae-in lost her memory, it may be seen as getting a clean slate, figuratively. Their past actions and hurtful words were reset. Another good example is Hong Hae-in’s brother, Hong Soo-cheol. Even though his wife did the worst to him, he still chose to give her a fresh start.
If married couples would keep a record of every wrong thing their spouse did to them, trivial or not, the relationship is doomed. Marriage needs a clean slate, not a record.
7. Forgive every day.
And last but not the least, forgive every day.
Both Baek-Hyun woo and Hong Hae-in chose to forgive each other. In the last episode, Hyun-woo said, “I’ll never be afraid to take another bullet from you. But I was afraid we’d become exhausted and disappointed in each other after arguing over the most trivial things. I wasn’t confident that we wouldn’t fall apart or resent each other once again. But I can promise you this, I’ll stay by your side. No matter what happens, I can mend things when they’re broken. It may not always be perfect, but I can do that.”
It’s his way of apologizing for the things of the past, already asking for forgiveness for future arguments, and also saying he’s forgiving Hae-in continually.
Forgiveness is easier said than done especially when you’ve been wronged and hurt. But like what we’ve learned from QoT, marriage is a commitment that we need to make every day. It can only be done if we continuously forgive.
QoT showed us the bits and pieces of marriage that are painful and ugly. But it can also be what makes it beautiful—love, commitment, forgiveness, and choosing each other every day.
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