Regine As The 'Third Party' In Ogie, Michelle's Marriage: 'I Had To Live With That Guilt'

Regine Velasquez's home life with husband Ogie Alcasid and their 10-year-old son Nate extends to Ogie's family with her ex-wife Michelle van Eimeren and their two grown-up daughters Leila and Sarah.

In fact, Leila lives with Regine, Ogie, and Nate as she pursues a performing career. She, along with Sarah and Michelle, plays host when Regine, Ogie and Nate visit their native Australia. Michelle represented Australia in Miss Universe 1994 pageant that was held in the Philippines.

Theirs is an extended family set-up that  elicits admiration and envy. There are times, though, when Regine couldn't help but think of the time when she became the "third party" in Ogie and Michelle's marriage that lasted from 1996 to 2007. Michelle remarried a fellow Aussie in 2009, while Ogie and Regine tied the knot in 2010.

The singer-actress admitted, "Every now and then, I would remember what happened to us and I'd still be guilty. So, mahirap din to be in that situation na hindi mo naman sinasadya na magmahal ng tao. And I'm a decent person and I do not want to hurt anyone. That's the last thing that I would want in my life, alam mo 'yun, but it happens."

Regine made the revelation in the March 21, 200 episode of Magandang Buhay, the daily talk show she currently co-hosts with original cast members Jolina Magdangal and Melai Cantiveros.

They were discussing the subject of infidelity in their show's segment called "Dear Momshie Serye" based on the experiences of the letter-senders. They were joined by psychologist Tofi De Jesus in the discussion.

Regine on being the "third party"

Regine said she didn't intend to get involved with Ogie, a colleague and friend since they started out in showbiz in the 1980s, and, in process, hurt Michelle, Leila, and Sarah.

The musical artist known as Songbird said during the talk show, "My husband and I started that way, pero 'yun kasi, we were good friends. Hindi ko naman sinasadya. Kasi puwede rin namang mangyari rin talaga 'yun, e, na, kagaya ng sinabi mo na, hindi mo naman pinipili yung mga mamahalin mo, e.

"Hindi mo naman... parang, gusto ko bang sadyain 'yun, gusto ko ba na merong masaktan, di ba? May mga matitinong tao na hindi naman 'yun ang iniisip nila. It's just that sometimes it happens.”

She made it clear that she wasn't privy with what was happening in Ogie and Michelle's marriage at the time she and Ogie were getting too close for comfort.

"I don't know kasi hindi naman ako kasali doon, e," she pointed out. "But it happened. But I just have to say, it was so difficult...I love my husband, but if I could bring back the time, siguro mas gugustuhin ko na wala kaming nasaktan. Na walang dalawang bata na nag-suffer because we wanted to be together."

Regine admitted the struggle was so real during that time, and explained, "Kunyari meron kang nagustuhan na tao and may asawa pala, hindi mo alam, before you really make yourself involved with this person, isipin mo muna sa sarili mong kaya mo ding panindigan 'yun.

"Kasi really very, very, very difficult to be in that [situation], kung matino kang tao, ha. Kung hindi ka matinong tao, e, di parang deadma ka na lang, di ba? Wala kang paki. Pero minsan, mahirap din maging totoong matinong tao.”

Regine also admitted blaming herself for the breakup of Ogie and Michelle's family: "For a while, I have to say, I had to live with that guilt. Like, I was living in that guilt and my husband would say, 'It was not about you. It was about me and Michelle.'

But even then, I was there. I was part of it. I was the 'third party.' And for a time, na-forgive na ako ni Michelle, na-forgive na ako ng mga tao, except me. I wasn't forgiving myself. And I'm still working on it.”

She added, "I think na I'd already forgiven myself, 'yung hindi na ako masyadong nagi-guilty. But once in a while, I would, like, remember, or kapag may nangyayari doon sa dalawang girls. But iniisip ko na lang, hindi na 'yun 'yung sitwasyon, e. Ako na 'yung asawa niya, e...

"I'm his family now. So, tina-try kong tanggalin 'yung sarili ko doon. But again, it's very difficult because the kind of person that I am, I remember things. I don't like anyone, parang, very sensitive ako na ako na lang 'yung magsasakit-sakitan, kesa masasaktan kita."

For the third party

Regine offered understanding and empathy to those experiencing what she'd been through: "I guess doon sa mga nagiging third party, of course we know what's right and what's wrong. But sometimes, when you are in that situation, pinipili mong huwag tingnan 'yung mali. Pipiliin mo lang tingnan 'yung nasa puso mo.

"And it's very difficult to decide not to be in that situation anymore kasi doon ka masaya, e, sa feeling mo. But you need to give importance to yourself. You need to love yourself and you need to decide. Masaya nga ako temporarily, lalo na if the husband ay hindi nagdi-decide kung ano ba talaga. Kasi maraming ganun, e."

"Pagkabinigyan mo ng ano, 'Ako ba talaga o hindi?' 'Tapos mag-iisip. Kahit actually sa wife, mag-isip. Siguro it’s time for you to decide...Lagi mo dapat pipiliin 'yung sarili mo.”

Read here on wives and moms' advice on forgiving a cheating husband.