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'I Try To Earn On My Own Pero Hindi Talaga Sapat. Should I Ask Allowance From Hubby?'
PHOTO BY Shutterstock/Onjira Leibe
  • What kind of mom would ask for money in exchange for taking care of her family?

    It turns out, stay at home moms can and should ask for an allowance.

    In our parenting community, Smart Parenting Village, there’s always this burning question: “Kung stay at home mom ako, pwede ba akong magdemand ng allowance kay hubby?” 

    In a Smart Parenting confession, one mom explains: “Good provider ang mister ko but never niya akong binigyan ng allowance. Hindi rin naman ako nagde-demand kasi for the longest time may sarili naman akong pera dahil may trabaho naman ako. Natigil lang dahil nagkaroon ng pandemic.

    "So now, I feel so gipit. 'Yung sweldo ng asawa ko, napupunta lang lahat sa bills… side business namin hindi ko maramdaman ang tubo kasi lahat napupunta sa puhunan. Naiingit lang ako sa nakikita kong posts… yung mga online shopping ko, hindi ko na siya nache-checkout and I feel so deprived.

    "But at the same time, ayokong dumagdag sa gastos niya, at hindi ako makabalik sa trabaho dahil sa toddler ko. I try to earn on my own pero hindi talaga siya sapat.” 

    In one of our Smart Parenting live sessions on the Calamansi app, we brought this question up, and it was interesting to hear what our experts and moms from our Smart Parenting Mom Network had to say about the issue.

    Dang Ceñir, a member of our Mom Network, doesn't ask for an allowance, but she says that if she was in the other mom’s position, she may find the courage to communicate her needs to her husband.

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    “You communicate with your husband that you also have needs na hindi lang like yung house. Maybe you can adjust other expenses naman din. You can always realign or review your budget.”

    She also suggests that if you are the one handling the budget and expenses, you can tell how the money flows and where you can find the money to treat yourself. “Hindi naman sa parang sweldo mo yon for being a stay-at-home mom,” Mommy Dang says.

    “You’re also working. Sabi nga ni doc [Alignay], ‘you are also doing a part of the work in raising your family.’ Mahirap na kapag napabayaan mo yung sarili mo, your mental health follows. That’s what I think, ha? Mahirap kasi baka magkaroon ka ng sama ng loob sa husband mo, di ba?” she adds.

    But what if, after adjusting the budget, there really is nothing left for treating yourself? Mommy Dang suggests a shift in mindset. “Even if yung mga items na binibili are mostly kailangan, I treat it like a reward to myself.”

    Psychologist and counselor Michele Alignay, Ph.D., a family life specialist, firmly believes that an allowance is needed, because what a stay at home parent does at home is work — period.

    She says, “That’s a very tricky situation. Pero ako, naniniwala ako na dapat may allowance. Kasi if you’re going to pay for everything that a mommy, a stay at home mom is doing, ang dami kayang utang ni daddy. Negative pa ‘yan, ka pag kinompute ko how much will you pay a helper.” 

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    Money is an uneasy topic for Filipinos, even between married couples — but admit it or not, marital problems often stem from financial concerns, so you should start having open and honest conversations about money. How will money flow into your family if you’re not comfortable with it, right?

    Come up with solutions on how to manage your finances. Perhaps you can have a separate bank account or card wherein all the household expenses are paid using that. And while you’re unemployed or lacking funds yourself, you can come to an agreement with your husband that you will be given an allowance.

    We think that even if you’re already employed but still doing housework and childcare, you should still be getting an allowance — just compute how much you would pay for a helper and a yaya, and that’s the fair amount for an allowance. 

    What do you think? Do you agree or disagree that moms need an allowance from the household budget? Comment down below!

    Click here for what fellow moms think about asking for an allowance from their partners.

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