Stop Asking Kids ‘What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?’ Say Thought Leaders. Here’s Why

How many times have we as adults tried to strike up a conversation with a child by asking the age old question “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?” You were likely asked this question multiple times too, literally translated in Filipino as ”Ano’ng gusto mong maging pag tanda mo?” 

We then admire children who claim they want the same jobs as their parents, or we suggest possible answers like doctor, lawyer, or maybe even vlogger, when kids don’t have an answer.

How many of us actually ended up in the jobs we gave as answers back when we were kids? Chances are, very few. And while we chalk that up to the price of growing up, today’s thought leaders point out that it’s exactly that disconnect that may want us to rethink asking kids this question.

American bestselling author and organizational psychologist Adam Grant presented three reasons to the New York Times why he thinks kids shouldn’t be asked this question anymore. 

“My first beef with the question is that it forces kids to define themselves in terms of work. When you’re asked what you want to be when you grow up, it’s not socially acceptable to say, ‘A father,’ or, ‘A mother,’ let alone, ‘A person of integrity.’, he wrote in April 2019. 

'The reality is most of the jobs that a child would see today or answer that question with probably won’t exist by the time they’re working age.' —Sinead Bovell, futurist

He adds, “When we define ourselves by our jobs, our worth depends on what we achieve. For the younger generation of parents who push back on the idea that a person’s job is also their main source of purpose, Grant’s point makes perfect sense. 

His second point of contention is because the question assumes that everyone has a calling. “I’m all for encouraging youngsters to aim high and dream big. But take it from someone who studies work for a living: those aspirations should be bigger than work, says Grant.

“Asking kids what they want to be leads them to claim a career identity they might never want to earn.”

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The world is changing 

For Sinead Bovell, founder of a tech education company WAYE and futurist, there are also better ways to push children to think of their future. 

“I know it’s asked with the best intention. But the reality is most of the jobs that a child would see today or answer that question with probably won’t exist by the time they’re working age. Or it will be radically transformed, she explains during a TV guesting in May 2023.

“So instead of setting people up–and it’s not for failure–but for the idea that your identity is attached to the job that you do, we should be encouraging kids to think more broadly about the problems that they want to solve. Because those are more likely to exist than a specific occupation.

With the rapid and inevitable rise of AI (articial intelligence) that has parents thinking: what will the workforce look like when my toddler is an adult? Bovell’s point is important to consider.

“Especially as technology continues to more rapidly disrupt the workforce, we have to move away from ‘you are your job’, because that’s going to change. 

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What you should be asking your kids instead

For both Grant and Bovell, adults don’t need to throw this question out the window. Rather, we can serve our kids better when we push them to think of their future in another way.

“If you can start with kids and encouraging them with ‘What are the skills you want to learn?’ and ‘the problems you want to solve?’,” says Bovell. “One of the most important skills for the future being critical thinking and imagination, that’s something children are naturally endowed with, lean into that.”

Grant says, “Invite them to think about what kind of person they want to be—and about all the different things they might want to do.”

Think that’s a bit philosophical to ask a five year old? You may want to take Grant and Bovell’s suggestions with a grain of salt if you're thinking of very young kids. If your toddler is playing pretend doctor or engineer, it  doesn’t mean you should ignore it or tell them to stop. However, it might be worth considering when you're speaking to gradeschoolers or teenagers.

In his 2021 article published on CNBC, Grant writes "If your kids do decide to initiate a conversation about what they want to be when they grow up, let them know they don’t need to choose one career; they could do many things.

He reminds parents in the same article that today's giants Google, Instagram, and in the US, Uber didn't exist when its founders were kids. "Old industries are changing, and new ones are emerging faster than ever before.

When thinking about the future, ask kids to brainstorm all the things they love to do, "perhaps designing LEGO sets, studying space, creative writing, coaching soccer or being a fitness YouTuber," he writes. For my children it would be LEGO, baking, owning a hotel, and ninja skills.

If you want to try asking kids different questions to get to know them, here are some questions you might want to try with younger kids:

• What’s something you’re really good at?
• If you opened a store, what would you sell? 
• Tell me something you really enjoy doing.
• Do you have inventions in your brain?

Here are some questions for older kids:

• What do you like to daydream about?
• How do you show people you care?
• What makes you feel loved? 
• What do you look forward to when you wake up?
• If you wrote a book, what would it be about?