Bullied 10-Year-Old Writes To Mom: 'I Want To Be With God'

Trigger warning: This article discusses sensitive topics, including bullying, depression, self-harm, and suicide, which may be distressing to some readers. Please proceed with care and seek support if needed.

This story is based on a true #SPConfessions sent to us at Smart Parenting Village. Some details have been slightly altered to protect the sender's identity, and some quotes have also been edited for clarity.

'Mga mommies, I'm so sad. Nakita ko itong note ng anak ko sa bag ko noong isang araw. Araw-araw ko naman siya kinakausap at kinu-kumusta. Kapag tinatanong ko siya ng 'How's school?' naka-smile naman siya. Sabi niya, okay naman daw.

I'll talk to her teacher. Sobrang soft kasi ng anak ko. Mahinhin siya, English-speaking, at hindi pa siya matatas mag-Tagalog.

Sabi niya may classmate daw siya na ayaw sa kanya, ginagaya-gaya siya para pagtawanan ng ibang classmates. Lagi daw nakasimangot sa kanya at minsan sinisigawan siya. Doon siya nasasaktan.

Ngayon sinasabihan na niya ako na gusto niyang magpalipat na ng school.'

The anonymous mom shared a photo of her child's note, whom she says is only 10 years old. A part of it reads, "Mom, I'm sorry. I want to be with God. I know I have dreams to reach, but I've been bullied for years. I tried to fit in, I tell all of my problems to you but it's not enough. Please tell my friends I did this."

She continued, "Mom, I'm very sorry, I don't want to live in a cruel world. I know you tried to protect me. I quit being a student. Please reach my dreams."

Parents' advice to mom whose child is allegedly bullied

Members of the Smart Parenting Village responded to the anonymous mom's call for help. Some offered advice on the urgent steps to take to help her daughter, while others sympathized and even shared their own experiences of being bullied.

"Anything suggesting suicide should be given serious attention." —Dr. Gail Galang, psychologist, Smart Parenting Board of Experts

One of the top comments read, "Remove your child from the toxic environment first. Then work on her self-esteem. May mga homeschool [sic] naman po tayo and child therapists. Mahirap po na too late na mag act on."

Another mom said, "While reading, naiiyak ako. Nangyari din ito sa akin simula elementary hanggang high school. Ang tindi ng pambubully sa totoo lang. Napakalaking impact po nyan sa bata. Please po: listen to your child. Huwag mo balewalain ito mommy."

A mom who could relate shared her insights, "Hugs to you mommy. I have a 10-year-old daughter too, and she got bullied for her pimples. I’m trying to control myself because I’m so pissed with those bullies. I tried my best to teach her how to overcome that, kasi in real life, mas madami pang bullies, especially at work. We cannot control other people's kids, but we can help our child how to manage and overcome these challenges."

Meanwhile, a mom-teacher member of the group shared, "Ako po bilang guro, na-alarm po ako sa sulat ng iyong anak. I hope you could seek professional help for counseling. Even our little ones can suffer from depression in early age. You should talk to your kid’s adviser and school guidance counselor. Kung hindi maaksyunan po, tsaka po kayo lumapit sa principal. Ito po ang proseso, kasi kailangan ma-aware ang mga guro sa nangyayari sa bata."

How to support a child who has experienced bullying

In 2018, the Program for International Student Assessment (PISA) report revealed that the Philippines had the highest percentage of bullying among all participating countries and territories. In the 2022 assessment, the report showed that one out of three Filipino students suffers from various types of bullying—such as physical and verbal abuse and cyberbullying—in schools.

Here are some ways parents can help their child who says they experienced bullying.

1. Keep calm and be there for your child.

In a 2022 Smart Parenting article, Dr. Michele Alignay, family psychologist and member of the Smart Parenting Board of Experts says, the first thing parents should do when their child says they are bullied is to be there for them. 

"Gauge your priority–supporting your child, plus getting the needed help (therapy/family counseling) is critical at this age. Allow them to grieve, express themselves or be vulnerable to you (if needed). They do not need judgments or comments when they share what they are going through. They need emotional supporting and utmost understanding."

2. Talk to the teachers.

Report the incident to the school through official channels. Ask about the school's anti-bullying policies and reporting procedures as these may differ from one school to another. 

3. Observe your child's behavior.

When your child opens up about their feelings and it suggests thoughts on death or suicide, experts say to never brush them off. Whether the reason is bullying or family problems, it's important to notice the red flags. Around this time last year, another Smart Parenting Village mom sought for help when she found a note in her child's phone suggesting death.

Dr. Gail Galang, a registered psychologist with a PhD in Child and Family Studies and another member of the Smart Parenting Board of Experts, reminds, "Anything suggesting suicide should be given serious attention."

She added, "Observe the child for symptoms of depression. Check any changes in sleeping and eating habits. Consider seeing a professional, if the child feels depressed most of the day, withdrawing from activities that used to be delightful, and feeling hopeless as though nothing seems worthwhile anymore."

"Information from friends and teachers can give more clarity on the child’s overall state of emotional well-being," Dr. Galang concluded. 

4. Go beyond asking 'How was school?'

Psychologists also recommend asking beyond "How was school?" when talking to children. Timing is also crucial, as well as the questions to ask. Dr. Martha Deiros Collado, a child psychologist, shared with CNBC that it’s also important to talk about emotions, as they can "show you a different side of your child’s day."

Here are some example questions you can ask your child instead:

"Were you feeling sad today? What helped you feel better?"

"What’s something you found challenging but managed to do anyway?"

"Was there a moment when you felt lonely at school? How did you handle it?"

While there's no single way to address bullying in schools, as parents, we are our children's advocate and defender. Our role is valuable in shaping their values, building their confidence and resilience, and overcoming challenges. 

As one mom puts it, "To all parents out there, let us teach our kids to have empathy and to be kind. We also don't want our kids to be the reason why another child lost their life."

If you need to consult a mental health professional, you may get in touch with In Touch Community Services. It offers counseling services and direct care interventions for children age 3 and up, youths, adults, couples, and families from both local and expatriate communities.