Parents Should Avoid This Parenting Style To Raise Resilient Kids

Here’s another reason why parents should try to refrain from using harsh punishments for their children. A study by the Singapore Longitudinal Early Development Study reveals that parents who can control their emotions and avoid harsh punishments tend to raise emotionally resilient children.

Positive parenting methods

The study, led by researchers from the National University of Singapore, Dr. Chen Luxi and Professor Jean Yeung Wei-Jun, tracked over 2,600 Singaporean children before and during the COVID-19 pandemic. They measured various factors such as parents’ self-control, economic stress, parenting styles, and children’s ability to delay gratification. The findings underscore the significant impact of parental behavior and community support in building children’s emotional resilience. Other key findings include:

Positive parenting methods: Parents who have better self-control, higher cognitive ability, and fewer financial worries are more likely to adopt positive parenting methods rather than harsh punishments. These methods include guidance, limit-setting, and open communication

Emotional resilience: Children raised by parents who don’t use punitive disciplinary approaches show greater emotional resilience and are less likely to experience mental health issues during challenging times.

Impact of harsh punishments: Reliance on harsh punishments can negatively affect children’s ability to learn self-control and regulate their emotions, which can lead to increased emotional problems.

Harsh discipline and lasting mental health problems

A study from the University of Cambridge and University College Dublin complemented these findings. In a study involving over 7,500 Irish children, researchers found that harsh discipline significantly increases the risk of lasting mental health issues. Children exposed to ‘hostile’ parenting at three years old were 1.5 times more likely to have high-risk mental health symptoms by the age of nine, compared to their peers.

Hostile parenting, described by frequent harsh treatment, can be both physical and psychological. This includes regular shouting, physical punishment, isolating and misbehaving children, damaging their self-esteem, or punishing based on the parent’s mood.

The study by Ioannis Katsantonis, a doctoral researcher at the Faculty of Education, University of Cambridge, and Jennifer Symonds, Associate Professor in the School of Education, University College Dublin, published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, tracked children’s mental health symptoms at the ages of three, five and nine. It focused on internalizing symptoms (such as anxiety and social withdrawal) and externalizing symptoms (such as impulsive and aggressive behavior and hyperactivity). About 10% of the children fell into the high-risk category for poor mental health.

“The fact that one in ten children were in the high-risk category for mental health problems is a concern and we ought to be aware of the part parenting may play in that,” Katsantonis said. “We are not for a moment suggesting that parents should not set firm boundaries for their children’s behavior, but it is difficult to justify frequent harsh discipline, given the implications for mental health.”

“Our findings underline the importance of doing everything possible to ensure that parents are supported to give their children a warm and positive upbringing, especially if wider circumstances put those children at risk of poor mental health outcomes,” Symonds added. “Avoiding a hostile emotional climate at home won’t necessarily prevent poor mental health outcomes from occurring, but it will probably help.”

Importantly, the study clarifies that despite its findings, parenting style does not completely determine mental health outcomes, which are influenced by multiple risk factors including gender, physical health, and socio-economic status. However, the findings emphasize the need for mental health professionals, teachers, and practitioners to consider parenting’s influence on children’s mental health and advocate for extra support for at-risk families.

“Appropriate support could be something as simple as giving new parents clear, up-to-date information about how best to manage young children’s behavior in different situations,” Katsantonis said. “There is clearly a danger that parenting style can exacerbate mental health risks. This is something we can easily take steps to address.”

Other research that have similar findings include one published in the Journal of Marriage and Family wherein it found that positive parenting practices are linked to better emotional and behavioral outcomes in children. Conversely, research from the American Psychological Association has shown that harsh disciplinary methods can lead to increased aggression and anxiety in children.

Tiger parenting

In the Asian setting, the National University of Singapore study also suggests potential negative effects of “tiger parenting,” a strict parenting style common in some households with a focus on the children attaining high academic achievement. A 2022 study found that such strict parenting can increase a child’s risk of depression, highlighting the potential emotional harm of overly demanding parenting styles.

What parents can do

Instead of resorting to punitive and strict parenting styles, parents can do the following that can also foster resilience in their children:

Model self-control

Parents can instill self-control to their children by managing their own emotions and working towards long-term goals.

Positive parenting strategies

Parents can employ methods like guidance, limit-setting, and open communication.

Attend workshops

Parents and their children can participate in programs that enhance parent-child interactions.

Professor Wei-Jun emphasizes, “The need for robust community involvement and government support for parents would go a long way toward alleviating parental stress and providing them with as much support to nurture their children using constructive methods.”

Ultimately, these studies reinforce the importance of positive parenting and community support in raising emotionally resilient children. By avoiding harsh punishments and modeling self-control, parents can help their children develop emotional strength needed to cope with stress and adversity. As societies continue to understand the intricate dynamics of parenting, it becomes increasingly clear that supportive environments and positive parenting methods are key to nurturing emotionally strong and resilient children.

Read here for things you need to know about positive parenting.