Should Adult Kids Become Family Breadwinners?

The question of whether adult children are responsible for supporting their senior parents is a complex issue–and both millennial parents like Dani Barretto and gen-Xers such as John Arcilla have shared their insights. This time, Mama Lulu, the beloved mom of four, including content creator Oliver, weighs in. She addresses this topic in her usual candid and thoughtful manner, bringing another perspective that considers both cultural expectations and harsh realities–factors that today’s parents might want to reflect on.

Expectations and gratitude

Mama Lulu begins by addressing the issue, highlighted in the video’s caption, that children are expected to become the family’s breadwinner once they finish school. She notes, “Marami magsasabi diyan, kailangan ka maging grateful sa mga magulang mo dahil kami nagpalaki sa iyo.” This perspective is deeply rooted in Filipino culture, where the concept of family support as “utang na loob” is considered sacred–with parents often reminding their children of the sacrifices they made, expecting children to give back once they are capable.

However, Mama Lulu points out that this mindset can be limiting and asks, “Wouldn’t you say that’s a bit cold sa hirap ng buhay sa Pilipinas?”--pointing out the economic struggles of most families in the country. And she highlighted the fact that young adults also have their own dreams and goals, which are often overshadowed by the need to support their families. “May mga sariling pangarap yan,” she states, emphasizing the importance of children pursuing their own ambition, rather than be limited by the “utang na loob” and obligations their families impose on them.

“I-push natin sila kung anong gusto nilang gawin sa buhay nila, hindi yung gusto natin ang masusunod. May sariling buhay sila na dapat alagaan din”-Mama Lulu

Empower children to follow their own path

Mama Lulu then encourages parents to allow their children to pursue their own dreams, asserting, “I-push natin sila kung anong gusto nilang gawin sa buhay nila, hindi yung gusto natin ang masusunod. May sariling buhay sila na dapat alagaan din.” This further highlights the fact that children have their own lives to live and should not be expected to shoulder their family’s financial burdens, especially at the expense of their own personal growth.

She also emphasizes the role of parents as guides rather than enforcers or dictators. “Ang kailangan lang natin gawin sa ating mga anak, payuhan sila ng mga dapat nilang gawin sa kanilang buhay, bigyan natin sila ng guidance para maging tuwid ang kanila dadaanan,” Mama Lulu explains. For her, providing guidance and wisdom are more beneficial than imposing decisions and expectations, which might hinder their growth. By letting them make their own decisions, parents can encourage independence and help them walk a “straight path” in life.

Poverty and government shortcomings

Moreover, Mama Lulu also acknowledges the grim reality faced by many Filipinos–with most families having no choice but to rely on their children due to the government’s failure to provide adequate support for its people. She bluntly states, “Kailangan din natin recognize na mga magulang, kaya umaasa sa kanilang mga anak para iahon sila sa kahirapan ay dahil ang gobyerno natin wala naman ginagawa. Wala akong sinasabing pangalan, nasabi ko lang. Talagang ang gobyerno natin, simula pa nung araw, throughout history repeat lang nang repeat na puro korupsyon lahat ng umuupo, kaya hindi rin natin masisisi ang mga taong naghihirap kung saan kakapit, kung saan sila kukuha ng ikakabuhay nila, kung paano sila makaka-ahon.”

The systemic corruption and the government’s shortcomings have created a cycle of poverty, with each generation bearing the weight of financial struggles. Families with little to no options often turn to their children as their “last hope” for a better future. Mama Lulu shares her own experience, recalling, “Kasi nangyari sa atin nung araw, hindi mo [maalala], nawalan ako ng trabaho din, hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta.” This exemplifies the harsh realities many parents face when they lose their livelihoods and worry about their family’s survival.

“Ngayon, sinuwerte ako dahil yung mga anak ko, pino-provide-an ako pero hindi ko sila pinwersa na provide-an nila ako,”-Mama Lulu

Finding a balance: Support, not obligation

Despite the systemic issues and cultural expectations, Mama Lulu believes that parents should find the right balance. She acknowledges that she has been fortunate with her children, who provide for her of their own will, and not out of obligation. “Ngayon, sinuwerte ako dahil yung mga anak ko, pino-provide-an ako pero hindi ko sila pinwersa na provide-an nila ako,” she shares–emphasizing that support from children should be a voluntary act of love, not an enforced duty.

Mama Lulu’s perspective encourages a shift in the narrative: children should be empowered to pursue their dreams while also being taught the importance of family support in a way that does not compromise their own lives or goals.

Ultimately, the question of whether children should become their family’s breadwinners after their graduation does not have a universal answer, especially considering the dire circumstances that push many families to rely on their children. It doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all solution. Mama Lulu, though, makes one point clear: families should find a compassionate approach–one that values children’s right to follow their own dreams while also promoting guidance and voluntary support within the family.

As Mama Lulu says, it’s about giving children “guidance para maging tuwid ang kanilang dadaanan,” rather than imposing on them a set path of shouldering all their family’s financial responsibilities. It’s a hopeful message: children can be a source of support, but they should be allowed to grow and pursue their own dreams, leading to a more balanced and mutually respectful family dynamic.

Watch the full video here:

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Read here for reasons why parents don’t expect their kids to support them.