8 'Old School' Parenting Strategies That Parents Still Use Today

In this age of modern day parenting, you’ve probably heard terms and phrases like “gentle parenting,” “positive parenting,” “healing inner child,” and “breaking generational trauma.” At the same time, much has been said about the way we grew up and how we were raised, but such phrases were not familiar to us then—especially in an Asian household, where mothers are likened to tigers and dragons.

A lot of memes and TikTok videos show content about an Asian mom’s tenacity and strictness. Most of us, millenial generation, learned to do as we’re told and obey first before asking why. Not everyone has the same childhood experience but for most Filipino parents who grew up in the `80s or `90s, I bet you would most likely know what other uses are for a clothes hanger or a slipper.

Now that we’re introduced in an era of ‘mindfulness’—be mindful of our words, be mindful or our actions, be mindful of what we show our kids, be mindful of how we become their models—I wonder, are we still able to connect with our children effectively and yet make them deal with the consequences of their actions?

We probably all have an ideal parenting style in mind but if a child keeps on interrupting you when you are talking with another adult or when a child smashes his toy because he doesn’t like it—is it time to bring out some ‘old school’ type of parenting and pluck the weeds from its roots?

In parenting, you do you. So we’re not here to recommend any type of parenting style, but it led us to wonder, are there ‘old school’ parenting strategies that are still relevant today?

We asked parents from the Smart Parenting Village, a Facebook community of over 107,000 Filipino parents (who, like you and I, want to be better at parenting), if they know any ‘old school’ type of parenting that our kids of today still need.You’ll find nuggets of wisdom (and a dash of nostalgia) from the parents who responded to the question. Here’s what they have to say:

8 ‘Old School” parenting strategies still used by parents today

1. Have them eat what’s on the table.

“Kung ano ang nakahain sa mesa, 'yun ang kakainin. Huwag maghanap ng ibang ulam.” - Mommy Arrey GL

I am particularly guilty of buying food from a fastfood restaurant if I know that my child won’t have anything to eat at the restaurant we’re going to dine at. But with this, I am reminded that I also grew up learning to appreciate what we have even if we only had fried egg and rice for dinner (oh, and make sure not to leave a crumb on the plate).

2. Let them figure out and solve problems on their own.

“Sa school ng anak ko if may naiwan na gamit hindi nila pinapayagan na ihatid ng magulang. Teaching and training the kids ng accountability, responsibility at maging independent.” -Mommy Jannah Divine

“Hindi ka gumawa ng homework, deal with the consequence.” - Mommy Arrey GL

"As in nandiyan ako buntot lagi, taga-salo lagi if they have difficulty in school, may naiwan, may kailangan, may nawala. But eventually I realized I should not clip their wings and let them figure out their problems first and concern before I jumped in to solve it for them.” - Mommy Jo-An

“For my teenagers common yun nagiging complacent sila kapag may need sila, alam nila mommy to the rescue. There was a time na I was a helicopter mom. As in nandyan ako buntot lage, taga salo lagi if they have difficulty in school, may naiwan, may kailangan, may nawala. But eventually I realized na I should not clip their wings and let them figure out their problems first and concern before I jumped in to solve it for them.” -Mommy Jo-An

These days when we aim to be involved and more present in our kids’ lives, we want to do everything for them so they won’t get hurt or experience any difficulty. Now that things are more convenient for us, if our kids forget something, could it be a project, an assignment or even wallet, we can easily have these things delivered with a touch of a button. Back then, we’re supposed to figure out what to do when we forgot our homework at home.

3. Ignore tantrums (crying is not the way to get what they want).

“Let them cry especially kung tantrums or they want something lang na kaya naman sana nila makuha, sabi nga ng matatanda walang namamatay sa pag iyak, maganda pa daw sa puso”
-Mommy Deni 

Most parents on the comments section agree to ignore a child’s tantrums until they’re ready to verbalize what they need. They think that if they tolerate such behavior, kids will associate tantrums with getting what they want.

RELATED: 4 Crucial Mistakes Moms And Dads Make When Handling Tantrums

4. Give them chores.

“Household chores are not meant to be rewarded for example, 'pag nagtiklop ka, bibilhan kita ng ganito or may bayad pag naglinis. I believe that these household chores are not meant to be rewarded. Hindi 'yung tipong, magtiklop ka at bibigyan kita nito o papayagan kita sa ganito. Sabi nga, ang mga anak din natin ang mag bebenefit dito” -Mommy Jasmin

“May mga comment din ako naririnig before kasi yung mga anak ko at a young age tinuruan ko maglinis at maghugas ng plato 'kawawa' daw." -Mommy Jannah Divine

Parents who commented about giving chores agree that chores should be given, no matter what the age, as long as they’re age appropriate tasks and even with househelp, they should know how to help in maintaining the cleanliness of their homes.

5. Let them take the consequences for their actions

“Take away privileges (gaming consoles, TV/Screen time) as a consequence of not following house/family rules.” -Mommy Pepper

“Time out as punishment after iexplain sa bata ang nagawang kamalian. When explaining sa bata especially toddlers dapat it's to their level of thinking.” -Mommy Maria Ligaya

Most millennial parents would probably have been grounded back in their elementary days and not allowed to use the telephone because as punishment. Even in school, those who misbehaved were asked to either stand at the back of the room or leave the classroom for the duration of that class period.

6. Money doesn’t grow on trees.

“Orienting them with spending money, prioritizing needs more than wants. Eto na yata ang dinagdag namin sa 'ignoring tantrums if they want to buy something.' Old school na dinagdagan namin ng more detailed explanation, na feeling nga namin sumobra dahil now na 10 and 12 na sila, ang tipid tipid nila. Laging iniisip ang bibilin if mahal ba or need ba nila tlga yun.” -Mommy Michelle

“..paulit ulit na paalala na ang pera ay hindi napupulot sa kalsada, sinupin lahat ng gamit lapis papel at kung ano, maging organized sa gamit para hindi nawawalan, at maging mindful sa mga ginagawa. “ -Mommy Cha

“Big (and pricey) toys are reserved for birthdays/Christmas (huwag magpapadala sa 'bili mo ko' on an ordinary day).” - Mommy Pepper

“Kapag naibato nya ang toy nya at nasira, hindi na papalitan, he should value yung things na meron sya hindi yung kapag nasira papalitan nalang. Pagtiyagaan kung ano meron siyang natitira.” -Mommy Clarizel

“Don't give them all their wishes, teach them to work hard on things they wish to have” - Mommy Kareen

In the ‘add to cart’ era, we probably often find ourselves buying things we don’t need. Kids have access to gaming essentials and upgrades for a fee. Cashless payments have made our lives easy to purchase the things we want but back then, we probably got teased with “pang-Famas” when we come to school in brand new shoes or clothes, referring to “pamasko” because we often purchase new clothes only during Christmas time.

7. No TV or gadgets while eating.

“Eat meals together as a family, screen-free! Let them join in meaningful family conversations.”- Mommy Pepper

We would often observe kids watching their favorite cartoon or tv show while dining at the restaurant. Back in the day, we’re not allowed to eat in front of the television, we’re probably not even allowed to eat in our own rooms because we needed to eat as a family and you had to hurry because “bawal paghintayin ang grasya.”

8. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

“Sa amin, wilful disobedience—palo. Ibig sabihin maximum tolerance. Maraming beses sinabihan pero intended to do wrong parin.” -Knic Meneses

Mommy Reyn shares a Bible verse, “Ang pagpalo sa bata upang siya ay ituwid ay makapagtuturo sa kanya ng karunungan, ngunit kung pababayaan lang siya, makapagbibigay siya ng kahihiyan sa kanyang magulang.”

“Sometimes if repeatedly na ginagawa due to habitual tardiness or stubborn, kailangan tough love. May balance sa pag disiplina. Di rin pwede palagi gentle parenting at di rin pwede palagi strict. In reality naman sa life, you really have to learn the hard way.” -Mommy Jo-an

There are parents who still believe in corporal punishment as a form of discipline but Kei Ko warns that this can “border on child abuse.”

Your child, your rules

Mommy Anj says, “Values are caught, not taught.” That means whatever we try and teach our children, we remain to be their living examples and thus they give more weight to what we show them.

At the end of the day, your parental instinct will guide you on how to best raise your child, whatever parenting strategy you choose.

How to break the pattern of unhealthy parenting? Learn from this prominent Filipino psychologist.