An Open Letter To Angelica Panganiban And All The New Moms Who Feel Like They Have Been Forgotten

Smart Parenting's PerSPective is our editorial team's take on the parenting and family issues today's Filipino families are facing. Through these opinion pieces, we as the country's leading parenting media brand hope to spark conversations and help fellow parents achieve our shared goal: to raise happy, healthy families.

You used to work for long hours, the first to arrive on the set, and the last to go. Sleep is for the weak. 

You've won awards, you've achieved a lot faster than the others because you were a strong and independent woman who knows how to work hard, and party harder. Workaholic is you, and you were workaholic. 

After work, you were the life of the party. You threw the funniest jokes, sent the craziest drunk messages, and got dropped off home last.

And then you got pregnant. You confirmed using five pregnancy tests that you are having your first child. You carried a baby in your womb, and you brought it out to the world safely, although not exactly as how you saw it in YouTube videos. You were excited to spend that 105 days of *eyes twinkling* paid maternity leave that you thought would be a time to sit back, relax, and catch up on your favorite Netflix shows.

But your baby was too fussy. They were too clingy. Some nights when you lacked sleep, they looked like little monsters than angels. They're like vampires who want to suck everything from your nipple until you run dry. You look around and see the house is a mess. You look beside you, and your husband is obviously somewhere deep in dreamland.

At 3 AM, you check your phone, only to see photos of your friends on Instagram, who are having the time of their lives in some other country you've always wanted to visit with them. Your colleagues were in this gala wearing the sleekest dresses. Your notifications are silent. Well, it's 3 AM, who's going to check on you? They're all asleep, charging for another day ahead.

You're awake, you've been awake since God knows how long. You're nursing a sore nipple, your hair's all over the place, and your birth scars still hurt like hell.

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They say motherhood is the best thing that will ever happen to you, but why didn't they tell you it's hard too? They say it takes a village to raise a child, but why are you alone?

You're the one who carried a child in the womb for nine months and did everything humanly possible to make sure it comes out safe, even putting your life on the line. But now it's out, you feel like you're less of a person because suddenly you need to put the baby's needs first. You're now the bummer friend who stays home most of the time and is usually spared from the Friday payday madness.

When friends or family finally come to visit, you put on your baby's cutest outfit so that they will be cute in photos. Perhaps that would be proof that you're doing good as a mom. They come with more gifts for the baby and almost nothing for you.

RELATED: Angelica Panganiban, Bela Padilla, Kim Chiu Show Us That New Moms Need Their Non-Mom Friends

You want to cry, but then your baby cries first. So maybe reschedule the cry for another day. Where's all this drama coming from, you ask yourself. Maybe it's hormones? The anesthesia? Or is this the one they call postpartum blues? When does "postpartum" end? Is there even an end? You try to understand. You read articles and watch reels to understand. You hope for the best. But then there are days when you are just so tired enough to try.

Honestly, when friends visit you, you weren't expecting them to give you a time to take a nap, although that's what you really need. You weren't asking them to bring you your favorite dish, even if you've hinted about your cravings a lot of times. You didn't secretly wish for them to see the dirty plates on the sink and hope that they will wash them, did you?

All you wanted was for them to ask, "How are you?" and when they do, you hope they would stay long enough to hear you tell them about your sore nipples, the spit-ups, the fussiness, the dark moments, the transitions, the changes, the terms and conditions you didn't read in the fine print of motherhood.

You wish they would stay long enough to see that you haven't showered for days, you wanted a decent meal, your hair has been falling non-stop, and if they could just kindly help reach that remote control, please.

You wish you could tell them it gets so hard at night when you need to answer the demands of your baby. That co-sleeping is not all rainbows and butterflies. How breastfeeding could be both a gift and a curse. How labor felt like dysmenorrhea to the nth power. Even though they wouldn't completely understand, you could only imagine how good it feels to just let it all out.

You just hope that when they finally leave your home, after taking all the photos carrying your baby, someone would message you and ask you, "Are you OK?" You hope that in the coming days, you will receive a message that a rider is downstairs, with a hot, sinful meal just for you. You just hope, that upon seeing your current state, they would pull all the strings so that they could take you out for a quick coffee date or surprise you with a concert ticket because some alone time is what you desperately need.

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You hope. You wait. You understand.

Maybe this is what they say, embrace your season. This is the time you need to take all these feelings in, the joy, the pain, and the fear that the world is moving forward and you're stuck at home, trapped with a little baby on your breast. That while everyone else is ticking off their bucket list, you are washing breast pump bottles and changing diapers. That while your friends are capping off their workweeks at the bar, you are enjoying the last of your booby cookies and onto your 5th tumbler of water.

You hold on to what the parenting articles have been pointing out, that the days are long, but the years are short. That while your colleagues, who were once inseparable from you, are hitting one milestone after another, here you are, raising a human being—without a manual—from scratch. You don't have to add "motherhood" to your resume, but the world knows it doesn't compare to the best project management, strategy, and leadership training ever made.

It's a struggle, yes. But you don't have to struggle alone. It's painful, yes. But you don't have to endure it all. You are where you are needed, and that's all that matters now. Career, travel, nights out, all of those can wait. But you being a mother when you are most needed to be one, that's urgent. That's priceless. That's selfless.

Asking for help? It's easier said than done, but if you just say it, the load is shared. The burden becomes lighter. It doesn't make you less of a mom. There's no award for being the best mom.

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It does take a village to raise a child. You can't do this motherhood thing alone. But you can choose who you will allow to be part of your village. They can be some of your old friends, and some can be people you just met online. 

May you always remember that you are enough, especially on days when you feel that you aren't.

And when it's your time to be the friend to a new mom, you know better.

If today, all you did was to survive, you did well. And you can cry, oh yes, you can cry.

Judy Santiago Aladin is the section editor of Smart Parenting. She is a mom to a four-year-old girl who came to the world a month earlier than expected because she couldn't wait to have a taste of that liquid gold.