Trina Candaza: 'Pag May Masamang Nagawa Ang Single Mom, Masamang Ina Agad

The former couple Trina Candaza and Carlo Aquino exchanged statements through separate interviews on their co-parenting situation. 

After admitting that he’s getting to know Charlie Dizon, Carlo Aquino recently said in a interview, “Sana, ‘di ba, mahiram ko naman. Tutal nagpo-provide ako para sa kanilang dalawa, ayoko nang isa-isahin…ng mga kailangan nila.”

RELATED: Carlo Aquino Hasn't Seen Daughter Mithi For 3 Months, 'Sana Mahiram Ko'

In an exclusive first time interview with Ogie Diaz, Trina Candaza bares it all out and becomes honest with her feelings. 

“I feel offended. Ako yung nag-aalaga, ako yung nandyan, ako yung nagpupuyat, ako yung nagha-handle ng tantrums, ako yung nagdidisiplina sa anak ko, yet kelangan ko ring magprovide,” Trina said while holding back her tears. 

She directly answered Carlo’s statement about their co-parenting situation, ‘sustento’ and providing for them. 
“Siguro yung mga headline ngayon na hindi ko daw pinapahiram si Mithi at siya ang bumubuhay sa aming dalawa. That’s not true, Mama Ogs,” she said. 

Trina explained further, “I also pay half of our expenses, so para sakin, dalawa kaming nagpo-provide. Pwede naman niyang sabihin na nag-susustento siya kay Mithi kasi totoo yun. Pero para sabihin niya na dalawa kami na binubuhay niya, nakaka-offend sa part ko yun kasi nagtatrabaho din ako. Naghahanap ako ng ways to have income para ma-provide yung kulang dun sa binibigay niyang sustento.” 

She didn’t hold back on sharing her realizations about society’s views on gender roles in parenting, “Eto napansin ko lang, general ‘to. Kapag ang lalaki, nagbigay ng sustento for a month, mabuting tatay na sila. Pero kapag sa mga single moms, nagtatrabaho kami, inaalagaan namin ‘yung anak namin, Kapag may sakit yung bata, kami. Pero once na may mali kaming nagawa, masamang ina na kami. Ang convenient pala maging lalaki.”

She also said, “Yung kay Carlo kasi, yung sustento niya, he can earn it in a day. Pero ako, yung pinoprovide ko na half, ilang trabaho yung katapat para maprovide ko yung one month.”

Co-parenting with Carlo

Ogie Diaz also asked her about their co-parenting situation. 

Trina shared, “Nagbibigay siya ng sustento, pinupuntahan niya si Mithi, pinapasundo niya. Nagagampanan naman niya. But he will only give the bare minimum. He will not extend efforts.”

RELATED: Carlo Aquino's Ex-Girlfriend Trina Candaza On Co-Parenting: 'Kung Saan Nalang Okay Ang Lahat'

Ogie also asked, “Ilang beses ng nakita ni Carlo ang anak niya?”

To which Trina answered, “Hindi ko na din mabilang, pero before kasi nag-aadjust kami ni Mithi. Breastfeeding sakin si Mithi exclusively, and hinihiram niya ng 3-4 days. Pumapayag ako kahit alam kong hahanapin ako ng bata sa gabi. Later on, binawasan ko kasi nakakaawa naman, bakit kelangang bata yung mag-adjust.”

Eventually, Trina said she had to make terms and rules about their situation. 

Her number one rule, “Ang sakin lang, kung kukunin si Mithi, si Mithi lang sana. Mamili siya kung kanino niya i-spend yung time niya. Sa daughter niya, sa new girl niya, or sa friends niya. I think Mithi doesn’t deserve na may kahati sa time, since minsan na lang naman niya makasama ang daddy niya.”

RELATED: 7 Celeb Ex-Couples Who've Figured Out Co-Parenting For The Sake Of Their Kids

She further explained why she’s a bit sensitive, “Respect na lang din siguro sakin Mama Ogs, na huwag muna ipakilala si Mithi sa mga panibagong partner. Kasi ayaw ko rin i-instill sa utak ng anak ko, sa values niya na, okay lang magpapalit-palit ng partner. Siguro pag dumating na yung time na magpapakasal na siya, hahayaan ko na siyang makipagkita at bonding kasi yun na yung tatayong pangalawang nanay ni Mithi.” 

'Hindi ko pinagdadamot'

Trina, even though she admitted that she’s offended, said that she is open to talking to Carlo, “Kung gusto niya makipag-usap sakin privately and i-address yung mga issues namin sa co-parenting, I am open.”

She also clarified Carlo’s statement about ‘pagdadamot’, “Hindi ko pinagdadamot. It’s just that, hindi siya pumupunta. Hindi naman siya nag-ask kung pwede siyang dumalaw. May time pa nga na sinasabihan ko siya na wala ako sa condo, pwede mong puntahan si Mithi."

"Dati kasi nakakapunta siya, ngayon hindi na. Pwede pa din naman siyang pumunta, even grandparents ni Mithi pwede. Pero kausapin din nila ko, kasi ako yung nanay," she said.

In the same recent interview during a press conference for his new movie, Carlo also said that he didn’t get to spend time with Mithi, and Trina clarified this. She explained, “Wala akong sinabing kahit ano nung holidays, pero he knows kung nasaan kami. And he knows na very welcome siya kung nasaan kami nung Christmas. Yung partner ng sister ko, ininvite siya sa bahay nung Christmas but he chose not to go, and nagstay lang siya sa bahay with his new girl. Okay lang naman kung yun ang gusto niya, pero he posted kasi na hindi ko pinahiram.”

She also recalled, “Sinend ko din sa kanya ang school schedule ng anak ko kahit hindi niya hinihingi, so pwede niyang puntahan anytime. Binilin ko na rin siya sa teacher.”

Questions to ask yourselves when creating co-parenting guidelines

According to this previous Smart Parenting article, co-parents can use these three questions as a guide in creating ground rules:

• Are we putting our child's needs and interests ahead of any negative feelings toward each other? Is this truly about our child?
• Will it help maintain the integrity of a strong and accessible parental relationship with both of us for our child?
• Are we conveying an atmosphere of respect and positive regard for each other?

Karen Bonnell, co-parenting mediator, coach, mentor and co-author of The Co-Parenting Handbook, says "Your co-parenting agreements, whatever they are, are for your kids. They’re for you to be the best parents you can be across two households."

READ MORE ABOUT RELATED ARTICLES ON CO-PARENTING:

• 7 Celeb Ex-Couples Who've Figured Out Co-Parenting For The Sake Of Their Kids
• Don't Be Weekend-Only Parents: 4 Ways to Put Your Child First When You're Separated
• How Do You Move On From Heartbreak and Co-Parent With Your Ex?