Zsa Zsa Padilla On Parenting: 'It’s Tough Because You Have To Let Them Go'

Nothing brings any parent an encompassing sense of peace than watching our children blossom into discerning adults who are fully capable of making wise decisions and forging their path head on. While we expect and are excited for this milestone, any change of this magnitude can prove to be overwhelming for most. We have done our job well and our children have all turned out great, but us moms and dads are often left wondering when the dust has settled, “where does this leave us?”

It is no different for Zsa Zsa Padilla who, a prolific singer, actress, and mother of three accomplished daughters as she may be, is still reeling from the effects of empty nest syndrome. “My kids and I are still very close, it’s just that we haven’t all lived together in a while. All of them are grown and married and I miss having them around all the time,” she shares with Smart Parenting, in between signing autographs and taking pictures with eager fans during the Martha Stewart Philippines Grand Launch on March 2 at SM Makati.

“But it’s not like just to get their attention I will try to be difficult and tell them ‘hey, you never call, you never visit.’ I may be having a hard time empty nesting, but it would be unfair to burden them like that,” she adds.

Zsa Zsa has three daughters: Karylle, with Dr. Modesto Tatlonghari; and Coco and Zia Quizon, with the late King of Comedy, Dolphy Quizon. She is now in a relationship with Conrad Onglao.

Understanding the empty nest syndrome

While not considered as a clinical condition by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) of the American Psychiatric Association, the empty nest syndrome is a very real affliction experienced by parents and parental figures when children leave home to pursue career opportunities, their own relationships, or other goals they feel compelled to start making on their own.

It is characterized by a profound sense of emptiness, grief, and loss of purpose during the transition from having a home bustling with family activities and chores, to a house now exclusive for whatever purpose it may serve us.

According to a University of Athens study by Bougea, Despoti, and Vasilopoulos (2019), a single-parent household struggles more than those with two-way spousal support; mothers are more susceptible to the suffering than fathers do; and feelings of sadness are more pronounced among stay-at-home parents whose lives centered around catering to the day-to-day needs of their children.

For Zsa Zsa, the loneliness stems more from missing how her children’s eyes would light up whenever they are together, “I loved all of the parenting stages, and how much they loved me and how frequently they showed affection—as babies, toddlers, all throughout. When they first learned how to walk I started to feel they needed me less and less, and that’s when I went back to work. That was my sign: they were starting to be busy with something else and the busy-ness grew over time,” she says. When asked if her and her children’s busy schedules well into adulthood have prepared her for an empty nest, she blurts, “You would think, but no. It’s so hard. It’s tough because you have to let them go.”

"It comes with the job, though, that we have to let them become the person they’re meant to be." —Zsa Zsa Padilla

Zsa Zsa agrees how crucial it is for children to experience life outside our shadow, but acknowledges how rocky the journey for parents could be. “When you have a newborn baby, ni ayaw mong madapuan ng langaw. And then they grow up eager to go out into the world where they are exposed, and where bad things can happen. It’s difficult and scary for you because you know it’s a tough world out there, and you want them where it’s safe—with you. It comes with the job, though, that we have to let them become the person they’re meant to be,” she shares.

Coping with empty nest syndrome

Parenting is a transformative experience where no individual is ever the same person after becoming a mom or dad. Our roles as nurturer, protector, educator, and provider for our offspring are clear at the onset, but these evolve as our children grow up to lead independent lives—and this is where much of the emotional distress lies.

"Don’t forget that your child also misses being with you in their original home. They also wonder how you are, how you’re feeling, if you’re making it alright. It’s tough for you and them." —Zsa Zsa Padilla

No one person copes the same way as the other, and there is no telling how long one parent can move forward versus another. In the most difficult moments, the best way to heal is to acknowledge the pain of letting go and making use of our big emotions into something entertaining and productive.

Zsa Zsa poured her longing for her kids into her art. The Divine Diva is releasing an extended play (EP) sometime this March featuring five new songs, one of which is about the grief over her now-empty nest after her youngest, Zia, has wed in 2022 and has since flown the coop.

“I was deeply moved the moment I sang the song, and it made me realize that my children are experiencing the same sadness I was. If I can address people my age who are empty-nesting, it’s that: don’t forget that your child also misses being with you in their original home. They also wonder how you are, how you’re feeling, if you’re making it alright. It’s tough for you and them,” she said, sharing more details about the upcoming song written by Jeremy Glinoga which highlights how the difficult transition goes both ways.

Even as our children start to leave home one by one, an empty nest does not necessarily mean the end of our identity as parents. If previously we have our days organized around what they need, this newfound quiet and free time now provides us with opportunities to rekindle our love for former hobbies or discover new passions without guilt nor interruptions.

Feeding the mind and body, putting extra energy into our career, pampering ourselves and our partner, and reconnecting with our individuality can occupy us until we have fully adjusted to life as empty nesters. We can always find refuge in the fact that while we may no longer be able to hover or have our kids by our side every day, they will remain attached to us in ways no distance can ever break.

If you are having extreme episodes of depression brought about by an empty nest, the National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) Crisis Hotline offers free, compassionate, and confidential support over phone 24/7 through the following numbers:

• 1553 (landline)
• 1800-1888-1553 (toll-free)
• 0919-057-1553 (Smart)
• 0917-899-8727 (Globe)
• 0966-351-4518 (TM)

Check out what these parents are doing to pursue their passions and hobbies, here.