This Song Will Teach Your Kids How To Set Boundaries

Do you have kids who don’t want to be hugged and kissed by relatives and are instantly branded as “masungit” or “shy”? Most Filipinos grow up needing to adjust to how older relatives and close friends of their parents want to show kids their fondness or affection but as experts often remind, parents should not force their kids to hug and kiss relatives if their children don’t want to in order to protect children from sexual abuse. 

But when the friends and relatives are close to the child’s parent, is it a bit too much? And won’t they feel offended when my child doesn’t want to hug or kiss them? 

“This is a common scenario during family reunions or get togethers. We should avoid doing this to also save our children from receiving inappropriate remarks just because they do not want to hug or kiss relatives,” said Dr. Mel Reyes, Miriam College’s Women and Gender Institute’s (WAGI) Executive Director said in a previous Smart Parenting article. 

Look at it this way: Would you be comfortable to hug or kiss your friend’s friend when you first meet them just because you have a common friend? Yeah, we didn’t think so. What more for kids who are trying to understand the world every second of every day? 

Boundaries are good 

“Parents should keep in mind that their children’s well-being is more important than what others will say,” said Shenina Badua, WAGI Technical Assistant in the same article.

Setting boundaries includes protection from sexual abuse but it also is a basic lesson for kids, the lesson of respecting ours and others’ needs. “Boundaries are essentially about understanding and respecting our own needs, and being respectful and understanding of the needs of others,” says clinical psychologist Stephanie Dowd PsyD for Child Mind Institute.

Teaching children to set boundaries can also be helpful for sensory sensitive children.

Dowd says teaching kids boundaries requires two things: empathy and self-awareness. Thankfully, there’s a song that makes teaching boundaries easier. 

The Boundaries Song by Hopscotch Kids 

“Please stop, I don’t like that/I’m feeling uncomfortable, I need more space/Not around me, don’t take it personally/That’s just a boundary, that’s a boundary” 

It’s an old proven formula: if you want to teach a child an important lesson, turn it into a song. And that’s what Hopscotch Kids did with The Boundaries Song.  

Even better, it explains the importance of boundaries for both kids and adults. For children, the song helps them to understand that they can say no when anyone is doing anything that makes them feel unsafe, is inappropriate, or just doesn’t make them feel okay.  

Some of the sample scenarios in the video show kids who are too close to other kids, kids who might push another kid down the slide, or a child who is hearing things that “make you feel hurt or gross.” The song reminds kids, “Whatever affects you most, you need to say something”.  

And here’s where the song is important: it provides kids the exact words they can say when this scenario comes up. “Please stop. I don’t like that.” 

Adults, don’t take it personally 

Any adult who listens to this song will understand that a child who sets boundaries is healthy, it is not personal. It doesn’t mean the child has rejected you. “You set boundaries to clarify”, the song’s opening stanza goes. 

At the end of the song, the lyrics remind listeners “I’m not trying to be mean, that’s just not my scene”, and that’s an important reminder. Kids who say no to a hug or a kiss are not mean or masungit. If as adults we say we should not be hugged or touched without our consent, why shouldn’t kids’ feelings be respected? 

“Everyone has different needs/ And we can't read each other's minds/ But if we ask before we do something/ We won’t cross each other’s lines/ And we’ll know what is and isn’t fine”. 

Watch The Boundaries Song below and learn to sing it with your kids here:

Here's a young child singing The Boundaries Song on Tiktok:

@peanut The boundary song is adorable. ???? (???? @learnwithcharz) #kids #cute #daughter #gentleparenting #foryoupage #fyp? ? original sound  - Peanut