It’s an all too familiar scenario: a parent is asked why their child has not yet met a particular milestone because they appear too old not to have done so. In this case, it was Rica Peralejo who was asked by a commenter why her second born, Manu, “still wears diapers”. The commenter goes on to ask, “isn’t toilet training part of parenting?”
Rica created a TikTok video to answer this question and she begins by comparing her experience potty training her older son Philip to how she’s doing it with Manu. As of this writing the video has received 22,600 likes and 1,255 comments after only a day of posting.
“Actually yang toilet training na yan, akala ko, when I first became a mom, is a must. I was getting very insecure about my firstborn not knowing how to go to the toilet yet, at the age of I think that was 3 or 4, she reveals.
Rica says for parents who have successfully toilet trained their children at an early age, “there’s nothing wrong with that. I think there are a lot of benefits to that as well.
But her own research has led her to learn that toilet training a child at a young age may cause a child to not want to use the toilet.
"But I also learned from reading all sorts of different things, yung pagtotoilet train sa bata, lalo na pag masyadong maaga, can actually cause them to not want to go when they really need to go because they always have to control it,” she explains.
Kids below three years old may not be developmentally ready to potty train
Rica’s TikTok video then quickly cites an article on ABC News entitled ‘Is Potty Training for Toddlers Harmful?’ and quotes the article:
“Training a child too early can lead to toilet accidents because the bladder may not be strong enough. It may also lead to constipation, kidney damage and even urinary tract infections, said Hodges, mainly because children are holding in their bowel movements longer than they should, said Hodges.”
RELATED: How Do You Do Toilet Training Without The Stress? We Ask Tips From Preschool Teachers
Since learning about how early toilet training—before three years old—can be working against how a child’s body develops, Rica has since adjusted her approach.
“Ever since I heard that, I let go of the thought of forcing toilet training on my children. She then got real, saying that for most, there are no toilet training issues as adults. “I mean lahat naman siguro tayo no nakaka number one at number two sa tamang lugar hindi ho ba?
Rica says that this is a parenting lesson she wants to share, which may also be why she made time to answer the commenter through a standalone TikTok video and not just replying to the comment.
“Some things they will just learn naturally and organically on their own or with just a little bit of nudging here and there without really trying to force them without trying to get into it without their bodies or their developmental age being completely ready for it, she says.
Why she let her son skip wearing clothing for a time
Rica goes on in her video by using another example of Manu’s development. The Smart Parenting Editor-at-Large’s fans know that Rica’s younger son often appears in her content wearing only his diaper.
She explains that she feels Manu preferred not to wear clothes because his body temperature was probably different from the rest of his family’s. “He easily gets hot. ‘Pag natutulog kami at naka aircon, Hindi niya talaga kayang mag damit kasi mabilis mag heat up yung body niya.
Rica did not force him to put on clothes until it came to a point when he would not be allowed in establishments if he was not dressed. “Hinahayaan ko lang siya until dumating kami sa point na Hindi na siya pinapapasok ng guard sa establishment pag wala siya gets suot na damit.
She adds, “That was really just what I was waiting for as a mom. There will come a time when the world will tell you that you can’t do something if you don’t comply with their rules.
Now that Manu understands what the rules are and has personally encountered them, he complies. Rica warns not to take her example out of context so as to say that she always allows her children to do everything and anything.
“I’m just merely talking about him not wearing clothes and I feel like at some point in his life, he will understand that wearing clothes is important and it is actually a form of respect to other people when you go out.
RELATED: Paano Ba Maging Kalmadong Magulang? Rica Peralejo Had To Work At Becoming A Gentle Parent
Just like using the bathroom, Rica says that for most adults, wearing clothes every day is not an issue. Even if maybe there were some adults who were preferred not to wear clothes when they were young children.
To end her video she says her main point is that there are things that happen naturally. “Ang point ko diyan ay may mga bagay na hindi niyo kailangan i-force out of time, she says.
“At may mga bagay na hindi natin kailangan madaliin because organically, naturally, may mga tiyempo yung mga buhay natin na matuturuan tayong gawin yung tamang bagay na gawin sa buhay natin. But she is also quick to provide balance, “At may mga bagay na kahit gaanong ka-aga, ay dapat tinuturo na.
She says that her style as a parent is talking to her children but does not force things on them. "Ang mga anak ko ay sinasabihan ko pero hindi ko sila pinipilit. She believes in going slow and being gentle and allowing for her children to learn and realize things on their own.
"'Pag mas organic na natututunan ng tao yung lesson na yun, mas tumatatak sa puso at isipan talaga nila yung tama nilang dapat na ginagawa," Rica says.
RELATED: It Took Rica Peralejo 7 Years To Become A Calmer Parent
Experts remind parents not to force kids to potty train
The ABC News article Rica cited says “To prevent medical complications, children should be allowed uninhibited elimination until they are ready,” says Dr. Steve Hodges, a pediatric urologist.
"Children under age 3 should not manage their own toileting habits any more than they should manage their college funds,” wrote Dr. Hodges. This is because a child’s bladder is still growing until three years old and it grows stronger and faster when it is filling and emptying uninhibited.
Toilet training too early interrupts the process of a child’s bladder growing. “To prevent medical complications, children should be allowed uninhibited elimination until they are ready, ABC News reports.
When it comes to potty training, the article says age does not matter according to many experts. And some children will be ready before others.
When is the child ready? American Academy of Pediatrics says when the child communicates interest in using the toilet. Parents should not force children.
WATCH THIS RELATED VIDEO OF RICA PERALEJO ON PARENTING:
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