Parents learn from each other. When actors Luis Manzano and Camille Prats got together in the former's vlog not to perform a dance number but to talk about parenting, we picked up some gems that might be helpful to other parents, too.
Camille is not privy in sharing that raising four children--two kids and two growing tots--is not an easy feat. With her husband VJ Yambao, they parent as a team, and model the behavior they wish their children to have.
So when Luis, a new girl dad, asked her what's it like to raise 19-year-old Ice and 14-year-old Nathan, all he needed was pen and paper because Camille's wisdom and tips would come in handy a couple of years from now.
READ ALSO: The Little Princess Is Now The Queen: Camille Prats And Her Beautiful Blended Family
Camille Prats on raising teens
In the Yambao household, Camille revealed that VJ is the more strict parent, however, she supports him when he remains firm in his decisions. This is so that their kids will learn to respect them both.
"I follow through with what he says, but I explain it to my children," Camille explains. "Especially to the older boys."
She added, "So kapag hindi nila naiintindihan kung bakit hindi sila pinayagan o kung ano man, ako yung nagpapaliwanag."
With teens clamoring for more independence, Camille says raising teens is not a walk in the park.
"Kailangan mo silang pakiramdaman. Like, kunwari, wala sa mood. Nakain lang, okay siya kanina, kumakain. Maya-maya napapansin ko, hindi na sumusubo, nakasimangot na, nakaganon. So ikaw parang, 'Okay ka lang 3 minutes ago, tapos ngayon, hindi ka na okay.' So may mga mood swings that I don't understand at first," she said.
"Hindi ako nagre-react in such a way na madi-discourage silang mag-share sa akin." —Camille Prats on raising teens
She admits feeling lost when it comes to parenting her two older sons, "Parang all of a sudden, I don't know what to do. Kasi pag younger, ang dali. 'O bawal yan. Hindi yan bawal. Grounded.' But when they're teenagers, parang gusto na nilang maging independent on their own, pero hindi pwedeng basta-bastang payagan, tas sasama ang loob."
How to react when your teen has a crush
She realized that what she had to do is to build a relationship with them. Having a good relationship and open communication with her sons made her their go-to person when it comes to talks about their love lives.
"Ang thing ko is that, hindi ako nagre-react in such a way na madi-discourage silang mag-share sa akin," she said.
When one of her sons confesses that they have a crush, Camille says she has to put a face on, and say, "Really? Who's this girl?" In her mind, she wonders, "Ha? Ano kayang ugali niya? Ano yung itsura? Ganun."
She added, "So, ganun yung style ko. Hindi ko sila inaasar, binabadtrip. I just ask."
In an article by Psychology Today, Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D. backs Camille's style on handling teenage crush. "Because a romantic crush is so intensely felt, parents must not take it lightly or make fun of it. An awakening of romantic feelings, it provokes a lot of anxiety because there are many problematic questions for the young person to answer. “What am I supposed to do with these feelings?”
In general, Dr. Pickhardt reminds parents to respect and recognize the phase their child is going through, and try to get to know the people who surround them. When kids get ignored by their parents at this stage, it could lead to anxiety on the part of the child.
Sex therapist and Smart Parenting Board of Experts member Dr. Rica Cruz also reminds parents, "If your child tells you about their crush, listen openly and try not to laugh or dismiss their feelings. You’ll want them to feel comfortable opening up to you and reacting negatively could scare them or make them feel like they can’t open up to you in the future." Read more here.
How Camille handles teens when it comes to their love life
Camille stressed that she encourages her sons to have friends who are girls, but not enter a relationship yet because she believes they are not yet ready for it.
"Ang nature kasi ng parent, gusto natin, lahat handa na para sa kanila. Like, 'I'll prepare everything kailangan sa ganito mong edad.' And I realized that, hindi pala dapat ganun." —Camille Prats
"Sabi ko, you're just setting yourself up for your biggest heartbreak. And as much as possible, dahil pinagdaanan ko yun, sabi ko, hindi kita pinagbabawalang hindi magkagusto. It's normal. Lahat tayo, pagdadaanan natin yan. But the good thing is, you can choose to keep that friendship with the girl."
Here's a line from Camille that will come in handy for parents of teens who are also wary about their kids wanting to enter a relationship at a young age, "If you really like her, then I'm sure you wanna end up with her. But if you're gonna keep on pursuing her now, na hindi ka pa ready, hindi ka pa buo, hindi ka pa mature, you will most likely end up hurting each other. And your chance in the future, malabo na. Imbis na sana, may enjoy mo yung panahon na yun, mawawala yung opportunity. Kasi, hindi ka pa handa sa panahon na to, pero pinilit mo."
At this point, Luis was in awe of Camille's answer, and related, "Ako ang payo lang ng mommy ko dati. Eto, totoo ito ha, "Use protection!"
Most important lesson Camille's kids taught her
Consistent with what Camille told Smart Parenting last September when the Yambao family graced the cover, she said that the biggest lesson she learned from her kids is allowing them to take the lead.
"Ang nature kasi ng parent, gusto natin, lahat handa na para sa kanila. Like, 'I'll prepare everything kailangan sa ganito mong edad.' And I realized that, hindi pala dapat ganun. Because, we have different dreams. Iba-iba tayo nang gusto sa buhay."
"Like, what I want for my child is probably not what he wants for himself. At hindi ko pwedeng ipilit yun. Kasi buhay niya yun," she stressed.
"I can only encourage and support and give the resources that he will need in order for him to achieve his dreams. Pero hindi ko siya pwedeng diktahan."
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