If you grew up with strict parents, will you parent your child the same way? For Nikki Valdez, mom to 14-year-old Olivia, the answer is a mix. Nikki calls herself a strict parent but her daughter testifies that she’s quite patient.  

“I always tell her [Olivia] na kahit yung sumama yung loob niya sakin. For me, as a parent, I would only just want the best. So hindi ko ikinakahiya na kahit na medyo strikto ako, kahit na medyo disciplinarian talaga ako, said Nikki at a February 22, 2023 guesting in ABS-CBN's Magandang Buhay. 

Nikki, like many of today’s young Filipino parents, grew up disciplined with harsh punishments like kneeling on monggo seeds or salt. But even if she doesn’t apply the exact same punishment to her daughter, she recognizes that that was the only discipline style older generation of parents knew then. 

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“For me, yung style na ‘yun, it just made us stronger. At saka yun yung alam nating disiplina noong mga panahon na yun. It wasn’t done out of fear naman, may explanation naman kung bakit yun ang ginagawang pagdidisiplina sa amin, she said. 

When Nikki talks to Olivia, she reminds her that how she speaks to her parents matters. “I always tell her it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Kaya minsan kahit siguro nga nag-e-explain lang siya o gusto niya lang na marinig siya pero minsan pag-pabalang yung sagot, masakit sa tenga ng magulang yon. 

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Getting teenagers to be more open to their parents 

Nikki’s daughter Olivia says she’s very comfortable talking to her mom and Dada, Luis Garcia. But when asked if she actually shares everything, she honestly answers no.  

“No not everything po, if I’m really being honest, not everything po. There are things I keep for myself, for me and my friends, because there are things we talk about na siyempre naman na... not everything I share with them. But I’m mostly open with them with what’s going on. 

Nikki says she understands that now that her daughter is a teenager, it’s a phase of one’s life when they enjoy being with their friends which is why she allows her that space. But of course, she reminds her daughter that her parents will always be there for her. 

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“I remind Olivia, all the more kung nasa alanganing sitwasyon ka, kung nasasaktan ka na ng sobra or yung hindi mo na talaga kaya, all the more you should be open to me. 

She adds, “Kahit na alam mo masasaktan ako, kahit alam mong magagalit ako, sinasabi ko lagi sa kaniya, huwag kang mag-hesitate na maging open ka sa amin ni Dada or ni Nona (my mom). 

“But of course there are stages in a child’s life, katulad ngayon, 14 years old na siya eh, mas sa friends siya ngayon. So I let her. I let her have that liberty to be with her friends. Basta I tell her ‘yung mga pinaka-importante, pinaka-masakit, worst na puwedeng mangyari sa ‘yo. Sana kami muna."