Vern Enciso-Lim: Smart Parenting Mom We Love August 2024
Lifestyle vlogger and influencer Vern Enciso-Lim has always been candid about sharing her adventures and milestones with her sister, Verniece Enciso Dichaves, on their YouTube channel, Wife Life Diaries.
Known for her feminine style and relatable content, Vern has built a community online that follows her every step, from fashion tips to personal stories since 2010.
It was in August 2022 when Vern bravely opened up her conception journey and its challenges, saying that there's no right and wrong way to cope with infertility. Her vulnerability resonated with many women trying to conceive and it brought attention to a topic that is often kept private and sometimes, unfortunately shrouded in shame.
Two years later, Vern and husband Ben Lim shared the joyous news that finally, the stork has visited their family. They are expecting their first baby, a boy, conceived through in-vitro fertilization (IVF).
Smart Parenting had the unique opportunity to visit Vern at her gorgeous modern home overlooking Cebu, and she shared her much-anticipated journey to the exciting, new chapter ahead of her—parenthood.
In this heartfelt conversation Vern revealed her hopes, fears, and the profound respect and gratitude she feels towards mothers as she prepares to become one.
Vern Enciso-Lim on pregnancy and motherhood
At what point did you realize that you want to become a mom?
That moment for me was very memorable because it was something that my husband and I decided together. We were actually in a staycation in Mactan. And then one night after dinner, we were just drinking wine. It was November of 2022. And then we both said, "I think it's time to have a baby." And it made sense because we've been together for eight years. We were married then for about a year already. So we both felt like it was time.
How would you describe your trying-to-conceive (TTC) journey?
My trying-to-conceive journey is really a roller coaster ride. Kasi at first, we were so excited. We thought just like any other couple na, we were at the right age. That time, I was 29 and my husband was 35. We thought it was going to be easy just like any other couple na, okay, one attempt lang then go. No pala.
We were trying naturally for about a year without any app, without the ovulation, without tracking all of those. And then from excitement, it became worried na maybe something was wrong. Anxiety started to kick in. Oh no, maybe something's wrong. One of us is wrong. But I really commend my husband because he was willing to also take tests. Kasi diba a lot of husbands, they think it's always the wife who has a problem. Sure enough, it's me who has the problem. But I'm just happy that my husband was willing to take all the tests and the measures to know if something's also wrong with him.
When we found out after one ultrasound that I had endometriosis and myomas, that's when sadness started to kick in. More anxiety. On me, it was a lot of anxiety because I felt like I was failing my husband and I was less of a woman. Even if it's not, no one really puts that pressure on us but ourselves. Pero the greatest pressure one can experience is really what we put in ourselves. So that was really a roller coaster.
"With IVF, I thought the hardest part was the procedure. That the adventure and the drama ends once you're pregnant. It doesn't end with a positive test. There's still more to it." —Vern Enciso-Lim, on her misconceptions about IVF
When I did my first surgery, we were excited. We were happy. The doctor said, 'You're so clean. You'll probably get pregnant in three months.' We went on a month-long vacation, and then I come back and had my period.
I remember that period. It was very memorable because we were in the airport. I was wearing a skirt, tapos when I stood up, I was like, 'Oh my God, I feel my period.' Since it was a month-long vacation, akala namin makakabuo na kami. I wanted to cry, but I was in public. It was really a sad time for us.
After that first surgery, after the three months, we did a workup again for me kasi my husband was fine. And we found more things. I don't just have myomas. I don't just have endometriosis. I have pala PCOS. And then I have chocolate cyst [Editor's note: Chocolate cysts are cysts filled with menstrual blood]. My chocolate cyst was big. So it was another round of depression and I had to get another surgery. Then my doctor said the same thing, 'Okay, try again for three to six months kasi you're very clean now. All your endometriosis is gone.'
And then there, during the surgery, that's when they found out I have Stage 4 endometriosis, which is the highest stage. And my uterine lining was very thin. So that's when we decided to do IVF.
Did you have any misconceptions about IVF?
I thought the hardest part was the procedure. That the adventure and the drama ends once you're pregnant. Pero no pala. A pregnancy with IVF is even more fragile than a normal pregnancy. So it doesn't end there. I really thought, okay, once you're pregnant, it's easy na, 'yun na 'yun. Like, that's it. We got what we wanted.
Especially for me, I really had a hard time during my first trimester. I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. Apparently, a lot of IVF moms go through it, because it's not their body's natural response because of course, it was chemically induced. That was the start. I was put on bed rest for five months. And now I'm dealing with a placenta problem, which is something common also to IVF moms. It doesn't end with a positive test. There's still more to it.
How did you and Ben prepare emotionally and mentally for IVF?
We really told ourselves na, we don't have to get it on the first try. Kasi we always hear from friends who succeeded on the second or third try, so we really flew to Bangkok thinking na we're just going to try so we can say that we tried.
And then it was really praying together. I shared this, I'm so open about this online. At first, I was even shy to share it kasi I don't want to be preachy. There's different religions or they just don't welcome that kind of content in their space.
You know, prior to that, we never prayed together. We went to church, yes, sometimes, but it was just typical na, okay, we'll go to church, then magdi-dinner kami after. I look forward to the dinner date after. But it was really a test of faith for us, this whole conceiving journey. And because we prayed together, we had like a whole ritual of reading the Bible together. And then every time we felt anxiety, or we were nervous, instead of crying about it, or letting our anxiety sink in, we would really pray together. Then we'd feel better.
"Ever since I shared my journey when it comes to conceiving and hearing their personal stories and telling them to me in paragraphs, I feel like I have friends apart from the ones that I have in real life." —Vern Enciso-Lim, on the community she's gained through her conception journey
How has this season strengthened your relationship with Ben?
We were in a long-distance relationship (LDR) for seven years prior to getting married. I was in Manila, he was in Cebu. I feel like our relationship is really next level. It's really comfortable. Kasi siyempre in our first few years of marriage, it was honeymoon stage and now, no holds barred. 'Yung pagka-comfy namin, comfy na talaga sya. Because especially with all the medical things I had to go through, he really saw everything.
Apart from physical, also emotionally, we really loved each other more. It's a whole different meaning because it's not just the two of us anymore. We really learned to love the person who's going to come into our lives.
What about with your sister Verniece?
When she got married, I felt like our relationship was drifting apart kasi of course she has her own life, and I have my own life in Cebu. But when I got pregnant, she really helped me survive this pregnancy because she was there for me emotionally, even if not physically. Imagine, she also visited me here almost every month ever since I was allowed to get up from bed. It's also a deeper relationship with my sister.
Did you seek support from any communities or support group for couples undergoing IVF?
I'm so blessed to really have the online community that I have. Before, I feel like our relationship with my readers or the people who would watch my vlog was very shallow. It was always about, okay, this is the makeup I use, you have to try this. Or they'll share to me all their recommendations about very shallow things. But I feel like ever since I shared my journey when it comes to conceiving and hearing their personal stories and telling them to me in paragraphs, I feel like I have friends apart from the ones that I have in real life.
My journey was lonely at times because my husband, even if he tries to relate to me, he can never really relate to me. Only a woman who knows what I'm going through can relate to me. And it's really the online community who did that with me because my sister didn't go through what I'm going through. My mom didn't go through what I'm going through. So it's really these strangers that became friends online who helped me go through it.
"I really want to open the doors to Filipino moms na it's okay that even if your baby's not naturally conceived, your baby is still a blessing." —Vern Enciso-Lim, on IVF
I even have this one friend whom I've never met, but she was the one who coached me through my IVF. I feel like she was the reason why my IVF was also successful. I've never met her, I only met her through Instagram. She taught me the work. She taught me what to eat, what not to do, everything. And apart from my husband, my sister, my family, I really owe it to her as well.
Now that you're in your third trimester, what are you most excited for about parenthood?
What I'm most excited about is really seeing us—a different version of ourselves. I feel like we're going to go through a 180-degree change. And I'm sure at the start it will be hard, maybe we won't recognize each other. But I'm excited how we'll be because he's known me in my 20s, then in my 30s, and now as a mom. So I'm excited.
How are you preparing for the arrival of your baby?
I waited seven whole months to nest, so I never bought a single baby item for seven months. All of it was given to me. Now that I'm seven months, I'm so excited to open my phone, shop online, and go to a baby store. That's how I'm preparing.
There were gifts given na, may crib na kami, the big things. But the little things that I think I want for my kid like clothes, things I'm excited about as a kikay mom. I'm very excited to prepare for it.
What kind of mom do you think you will you be?
I believe and I hope I won't be strict, but feeling ko na sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko, I'll be so careful with my kid na I'll probably be the strict mom!
"I'd give everything up to become a mom. Now I know why my mom gave up her whole life for her kids, because I would do the same." —Vern Enciso-Lim
What made you decide to let the public know that you're trying to conceive through IVF?
At first, I was very hesitant. One, because how society perceives IVF, especially in the Philippines, there are still people who think na baka daw mapalitan sa lab, it's really not our baby, or it's not 100 percent ours because it was manipulated genetically.
But after sharing my story about having a hard time conceiving two years ago, and then hearing all the stories and the real stories of real moms every day, not the curated ones you see online, it gave me the strength to share my IVF journey because not everyone is blessed to naturally conceive just like me. And a lot of us hide behind that. There are some moms who even don't say that their babies are IVF babies. But I really want to open the doors to Filipino moms na it's okay that even if your baby's not naturally conceived, your baby is still a blessing, no matter how or whatever form he or she was made.
Do you have any plans for their future, knowing you have three remaining embryos?
If I could carry all three of them, I would. I can't imagine leaving them in Bangkok. God-willing, if I could carry them all, I would. But I don't want to plan anymore, I'll just go with the flow. If we'll be blessed naturally with a second kid and then so be it. And then we'll see what happens in the future with the other three. So I think it's better not to plan because it led me to so much heartaches!
What can you tell couples who are trying to conceive and are considering to give IVF a try?
The number one advice is to be sure that you're mentally, financially, and emotionally prepared for the journey. Because it's not an easy one. It doesn't stop when you get your positive test, you still have to go through a long journey. And it comes with IVF; there's APAS, there's immunologists, and that's also expensive.
Apart from that, it's also an emotional journey, mentally spent for sure, because you might not get it on the first or second try. So it's something you really have to prepare for in all aspects of your life. And to just really pray about it, that if it's really meant for you. And at the end of the day, if you're not given a baby, you and your husband are enough.
How has this experience changed your perspective on parenthood and conception?
This has made me appreciate moms. I never really understood before why they would call moms as super moms. I thought motherhood wasn't a big deal, that it was such an easy job. I even had a misconception before na it's something that moms have no choice over because society tells them to be [one], that they're a mom.
But after going through this journey for two years and this pregnancy, my God, there's a reason why we're called super moms. I proudly wear that badge, that I really am a super mom.
During my teenage years, my mom and I never really had a close relationship. But now, with every single thing with this pregnancy, she's the first person I call. Whenever I'm down with hormones or my hormones are flying around, it's really my mom whom I call and I feel like my day is okay na. Super moms really do exist.
When I was just trying to conceive, people would call me mom, I felt like I didn't deserve it. But now that I'm pregnant with a baby on the way, even the moms who are still waiting to be blessed with a baby, they also deserve to be called moms because it's really the best job in the world. I wouldn't exchange it for anything. I'd give everything up to become a mom. That's what I know now. Now I know why my mom gave up her whole life for her kids, because I would do the same.
What role does your baby play in the journey of trying to conceive?
My baby really made me stronger, he really played such a big role in my life. I haven't even met him yet. He made my faith stronger as well. I feel it's so weird because I've never met him, but I feel like he taught me to love myself more, and love my husband more, too. It's so weird. Whenever I would talk to my baby and then I feel like he would respond to me with his kicks, it's a feeling that only moms will understand.
I know that even my husband can't understand even if he touches my belly, but our baby really taught me so many lessons already and I haven't even met him yet. I don't even know what he looks like. It's crazy. That's what I think he taught me—to be stronger.
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Shot on location in Cebu City
Photographs by Nono by Dyan
Hair and makeup by Jade Acusar
Styling by Style like Ai by Ai Rene
Produced by Ronna Capili Bonifacio
Assisted by Judy Santiago Aladin and Em Cruz
Art Director and Production Design: Stephanie Ocampo
Video Director: Cherrie Julian
Videographers: Rolando Pingco Jr. and Greeko Joy Junio
Video editor: Rolando Pingco Jr.
Social Media by: Zen Arganda
Marketing Specialist: Marie Bilgera
Associate Publisher: Bettina Santos
Publisher: Iza Santos-Cuyos
Special thanks to Solea Mactan Resort and Just Celebrations
