8 Tips For Moms To Manage The Mental Load Of Making Holiday Magic

Moms often find themselves at the helm of holiday preparations because of traditional family roles, societal expectations, and a natural inclination to want to create special memories for their families. It’s like a default tab for making holiday magic—playing Santa, planning dinners, buying holiday outfits, wrapping gifts, cleaning, decluttering, and decorating trees and homes.

Heck yeah, all the brunt of holiday preparations on top of normal parenting—and did I mention the paperwork that has to be submitted before the deadline—oh, and also the laundry and toys that needed to be picked up from the floor two days ago?

If Santa's little helper is inside your brain right now, oh I can tell, he's not helping. 

Also Read: 10 Struggles Every Mom Knows at Christmastime

Being the holiday magic maker is exhausting 

Mental load is defined by UCLA Health in a news article as “the behind-the-scenes, cognitive and emotional work needed to manage a household.” In the same article,  University of Melbourne experts think that mental load tends to be invisible, without boundaries, and never-ending.

An American study shows that women, particularly mothers, often shoulder the majority of the mental load tied to holiday planning. It says, “It is women who shoulder the majority of the family burden for shopping and holiday celebrations and they feel particular stress from the time crunch required to get everything done.”

This unseen responsibility includes managing to-do lists, coordinating events, and juggling numerous details year-round. During the holidays, this load intensifies, leaving mothers especially prone to burnout as they navigate the season's heightened demands and expectations. Ongoing or increasing mental load may result in added stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation.

But you know what, mom? It doesn’t have to be like this.

Here are some tips to help manage the maternal mental load during the holidays:

8 tips to manage mental load during the holidays

1. Set priorities. Focus on what truly matters to you and your family. If there are budget constraints, learn to prioritize what the family needs for the holidays and what has to go. Do you really need a new set of tree decorations this year? Do you really have to attend all the parties you were invited to? List the things that you can and cannot accommodate if you are being honest to yourself. 

And if your plate is full, maybe it's time to consider the idea that not everything has to be done.

2. Plan ahead. Map out events, tasks, and deadlines. Apps or a physical planner can help keep you organized. Smart Parenting contributing writer, Riyalyn Pasismio, even creates a spreadsheet to make sure plans are in place.

She shares, “The secret is to make a plan. For Christmas gifts, I started sourcing out items na pwedeng bulk orders (for hubby’s officemates) na pwedeng discounted. I made an Excel file with names, gift items, price, including wrappers and all. Para 'pag pinakita ko kay hubby, approve lang ng approve. I already got these items as early as first week of November. Less hassle na.”

She adds, “For celebrations, since madami, we made a decision to have a quiet Christmas Eve  and New Year’s Eve. We’ll have our dinner at home, just the three of us (hubby, me and our daughter). I’ll cook special dishes na favorite naming tatlo and enjoy at home. On Christmas Day and New Year’s Day, we’ll spend them with other family members.”

Meanwhile, Pennelope Baria of the Smart Parenting Village, a community of more than 108,000 parents also talks about planning ahead. She suggests being on the lookout for promos and discounts in terms of bookings and getaways–including online shopping for gifts. She recommends buying during monthly sales of online selling platforms.

“Plan ahead, months ahead if possible. I booked all our December weekend trips, including Christmas getaway, starting September, kasi kapag early booking, may promos pang na-aavail and di pa ganun kamahal ang prices. Also, available pa yung mga desired dates and rooms kapag advanced booking. For the gifts, buy ahead also esp during 9.9, 10.10, and 11.11. I finished buying the essential gifts na din and waiting na lang sa mga dates na need itong ibigay. Mas tipid because of discounts.”

She concludes, “For the food, family of three lang kasi kami so more on take-out na lang kasi mas tipid and mas chill. Planning ahead works for me always kasi dun talaga ako nakakatipid and hindi nago-overspend.”

Also Read: Working Moms Reveal Must-Have Apps To Hack Parenting

Another look into meal planning is to plan holiday meals in advance and consider simplifying menus. Opt for potluck to share the workload during gatherings. If you want to save time and spend more moments with the family, you can just have the food delivered. If you want meal-prep time to be a shared family experience, plan the tasks for each family memeber and save time and energy by shopping canned items and supplies online so all you need to buy on the day is fresh produce.

"Truth is, I can’t remember what I got when I was seven, nor when I was twelve. And if you ask me now, I won’t be able to tell you exactly what the tree decorations were growing up. But I do remember preparing the salad together, dancing with the family or playing games on Christmas eve, and jumping while shaking our purses on New Year’s."

3. Learn how to say ‘No’. Limit commitments according to your energy and availability. It’s okay to decline invitations or traditions that feel overwhelming. Choose quality over quantity in attending social events. Be clear with family and friends about what you can and cannot do this season.

Another villager from the Smart Parenting Village, Alou Detera, has good advice about saying ‘no’ and communicating boundaries, “...(number) 1 rule para lesser ang stress is do not overcommit. Learn to say ‘No’ politely if hindi na talaga kaya ng sched or ng budget.” She adds, “Me personally, I don’t spend too much as I know that this season will pass. I don't want to be in debt as well just to please others.”

Also Read: How To Decline Holiday Invites Without The Drama

4. Practice self-care by delegating tasks. Learn to delegate tasks. Share responsibilities with your partner, children, or other family members. Assign age-appropriate tasks to kids like wrapping gifts for older children or tree decorating for younger ones. For your teens and tweens, you can delegate cooking, baking, and cleaning tasks.

Remember to schedule breaks and nap times. If you feel like you've hit a wall, do some deep breathing or a quick meditation to clear your head. Remember to seek support; it's always okay to ask for help.

5. Keep it simple. Re-evaluate traditions. Keep those that bring joy and meaning. Consider retiring those that cause stress. Keeping the house clean and good-smelling is far more important than the holiday clutter. 

Also Read: 7 Ways To Make The Holidays Less Stressful For Your Child (And You)

6. Involve the family. Sometimes, in an effort to ‘keep the magic of Christmas’ and make our families happy during the holidays, moms are stretched pretty thin to the point of exhaustion and overconsumption.

It is important to involve your family in planning and setting expectations. Having unmet high expectations can be deeply disappointing. To avoid this, discuss with your partner and the children what each person envisions for the holiday season. This conversation can reveal individual priorities and passions, making it easier to delegate tasks. This is also an opportunity for you to align the expectations and set realistic ones in terms of budget, time, and other resources.

Who knows, you might be planning a lot in your head, when all they want for Christmas dinner is your trademark Kare-Kare dish and that’s all. They aren’t really thinking about the rest of the menu you are strenuously putting together in your head.

ALSO READ: Stop Wasting Money Excessively: Underconsumption And Christmas

7. Let go of perfection. Maybe the point of all this is to just enjoy the moment. The holidays don’t have to be flawless. It only needs to be enjoyed. Gifts don’t need to be perfect. Memories are made in the messy, joyful moments, not in perfection.

Truth is, I can’t remember what I got when I was seven, nor when I was twelve. And if you ask me now, I won’t be able to tell you exactly what the tree decorations were growing up. But I do remember preparing the salad together, dancing with the family or playing games on Christmas eve, and jumping while shaking our purses on New Year’s.

8. Recognize signs of burnout. If you’re feeling constantly overwhelmed, easily triggered or irritable, it may be a sign to take a step back and re-evaluate priorities and cut down on your list of gatherings to attend to or maybe parties to host.

Also Read: Exhausted and Emotionally Withdrawn Parents May Be Feeling Parental Burnout

Moms need to feel the magic, too

The holidays should be a time for connection and joy—not a source of added stress. By sharing responsibilities, simplifying plans, valuing moments over material excess, and giving yourself grace, you can manage the mental load and still enjoy the season. 

Moms, don't let your magic-making skills drain the magic out of you. 

You deserve to glow.  

Is it time to re-evaluate holiday spending and switch to a more sustainable and budget-friendly approach in celebrating the Christmas season? Learn about underconsumption here and why this trend might make your holidays more meaningful.