'I Miss My Life Before Motherhood' This Mom's #SPConfession Gave Us The Feels

The following story was shared to Smart Parenting Village, Smart Parenting's Facebook community with 95,000 members and counting. To join our thriving community of Filipino parents where you can connect with other parents, click on the link. Smart Parenting editors have made minor edits for clarity.

"I miss my life before I got married.

I am a mid-30s tita who's been married for almost 10 years. I used to have a carefree lifestyle before I got married. Whirlwind romance ang nangyari sa amin ng husband ko, wala pang 6 months in the relationship, nabuntis ako.

My lifestyle turned 180 degrees. Dati, 'pag weekend, I am torn kung anong activity gagawin ko sa oras ko.'Pag Friday night kaya ko mag-stay sa labas hanggang 5 AM doing random things. Kaya ko mag-out of town without the need to report my whereabouts.

Don't get me wrong. May pros and cons ang buhay may asawa. Mas may direction at goal na ako sa buhay. It feels good na there are people who care about you and your presence. I am comfortable to stay at home.

Kaso, feeling ko may inner self ako na nag-c-crave ng adventure. Ng freedom. Ng randomness. Ngayon, 'pag lalabas ako, need ko i-report mga ginagawa ko. May ko-coontact sa'yo at may mga responsibilities pa rin ako na iniisip kahit sa sandaling me-time ko. Hindi man lang ako makaalis ng 24 hours na walang iniisip na mommy ako or asawa ako.

Nawalan na ako ng social life. Lalabas ako madalas pero nandun pa rin yung mindset na kailangan makauwi ASAP  kasi may mga naghihintay sa akin sa bahay. Nakakapagod."

Life is not the same after motherhood

Parents were quick to empathize with the anonymous poster and share the reality: life is never the same after becoming a mom.

"First, accept that you are now in a different phase in your life," said Genette Apostol Buclatin, a Gallup-certified Strengths Coach and member of the Smart Parenting Village. "Second, find ways to add some randomness and fun by including your family in the adventure. If you do need me time, talk to and arrange it with your spouse. For example, a day in the spa or a dinner with friends. Your life doesn’t have to be over but it is what you decide to make it.

Most replied that it's normal and valid to miss your pre-mommy life. "Me time" is how they ensure that they "don't lose their sense of self".

"It’s normal to feel this way. I cope by having 'me time' regularly so I don’t lose my sense of self," said another parent. "I see my girlfriends and mommy friends for occasional drinks and coffee. I set playdates with co-parents to enjoy along with kids. I also set weekly dates with my husband where we do not talk about the kids.

She adds, "When schedule allows, travel without kids. Allow yourself some time to enjoy. Then you can look forward to going home to your kids and be more happy with them."

RELATED: Mom Of Twins Has The Best 'Me-Time' Hack For The Busiest Mom Out There!

Find time to be by yourself

"Bilang nanay eto ata ang hirap matanggal sa isipan natin na kahit nasaan tayo, maiisip talaga natin ang anak natin. Ang diperensya lang sa akin is pag lalabas ako mag-isa hindi ako nag-rereport kung nasaan na ako at ano ang ginagawa ko (same thing ang husband ko). We just trust each other at sinabi ng asawa ko na 'me time mo yan, hanggat maari hindi ka iistorbohin unless emergency or needed talaga.

'At home, may mga days na hinahayaan ko lang na hindi ganun ka linis ang bahay. May lazy days ako.' - A commenter on avoiding parental burnout

This commenter reminded the anonymous poster to talk to her husband about her thoughts and feelings. "I think you need to talk sa husband mo na bigyan ka kahit one day na mag-late night out with your girlfriends at si hubby mo na bhala sa anak niyo. Mag out of town or country ka ng couple of days by yourself or bestie mo na walang dalang anak. Refresh lang."

Have lazy days too

One mom shared that she used to make sure her home was always clean and fixed but soon realized she didn't need to do it all the time if that meant she would burn out quickly. Like other commenters, she finds time to be by herself and also spends time with her friends.

"Normal lang to miss the things you used to do before getting married or being a parent. What I do is kapag lalabas kami ng mga friends ko, bitbit ko anak ko. Hinahayaan kong magdala ng 1 small toy para habang nagku-kwentuhan kami, may pinaglilibangan s’ya.

She adds, "We choose din venue na outdoor para nakakatakbo-takbo anak ko at hindi mabugnot agad. Basta nakabantay lang ang mata ko sa kanya.

"At home, may mga days na hinahayaan ko lang na hindi ganun ka linis ang bahay. May lazy days ako. Dati kasi sinusunod ko ng linis ang bawat kalat at dumi sa bahay. Ang ending, napapagod ako at nae-exhaust. Ngayon, as much as possible, isang mabilisang linis sa weekends, minsan lang ang general cleaning. Then, may times na hahayaan ko rin maglaro sa bahay ang anak ko basta nakikita at alam ko ang ginagaa, maaga papatulugin ang anak para makapag-K-Drama sa gabi. Ayun na pinaka-me-time ko. Parenting is hard but I know you can do it," she said.

Things may be different once you become a parent, but that doesn't mean you can no longer have fun or a good time. And acknowledging your feelings doesn't make you a bad parent.

If you want to avoid parental burnout, read this article.