A Psychologist Explains Why Moms Should Find Support Beyond Their Family, 'Nauubos Din Tayo'

When actress Angelica Panganiban talked about feeling being forgotten as a mother, many of our readers who are parents could relate to her sentiments.

During the transition from being a single person to becoming a mother, our sensitivity tends to increase, explains psychologist Dr. Michele Alignay, RPsy, RGC.

A mom of two herself, Dr. Alignay shared with Smart Parenting that being a mother in this day and age comes with its own share of struggles, even though there's now more universal and accessible support through the internet.

"It's very critical for each person to find their own tribe, or to find a supportive community or a gathering of women." —Dr. Michele Alignay, RPsy, RGC

"We should remember that we are social beings," she stressed. As much as each person is an individual, it's not only within their family that they should find strength. It's very critical for each person to find their own tribe, or to find a supportive community or a gathering of women," the member of the Smart Parenting Board of Experts emphasized.

READ ALSO: An Open Letter To Angelica Panganiban And All The New Moms Who Feel Like They Have Been Forgotten

Why moms need support beyond their family

Having a support system beyond our families helps modern mothers feel less alone. Unlike in the past, moms now have multiple roles aside from being homemakers and wives.

"Given these multiple roles, sometimes we get zapped out of our energy, nauubos din tayo," she said.

As much as we love our families, we also need to recharge by connecting with people who truly understand us, and that often extends beyond our own families.

"It's the support of women who know the heart, the soul, and the realities of women like us who are working, raising kids, finding their careers, and having their community or ministry to attend to," she added.

Dr. Alignay shared her own experience as a young mother who suffered a miscarriage in 2004. She felt she didn't get enough support during that time as she only had email, text, and landline to connect with her mentors and friends.

After giving birth to her son in 2006, she joined online forums that helped her navigate her pregnancy and parenting journey. Now, with older kids, she highlighted the significance of her spiritual community and friends who are also raising kids of similar ages.

Going Beyond Ourselves: How to support one another as moms 

Dr. Alignay then outlined three ways moms can offer support to each other.

1. Offer a listening ear.

"We can be a listening ear, we don't need to be a speaker, we don't need to be a celebrity, or a content creator just for us to be a platform. When moms are journeying, one of the most crucial things that you can provide is actually just to listen. give a listening ear. Accept them wherever they are, and know that some mothers, don't need your answers, your inputs, they just need to unload, and they need to feel accepted and understood."

She puts it firmly, "Listen and be a safe space for mothers."

2. Share what you can

Dr. Alignay recounted a time when the little that she had was extra breastmilk. Her sister had experienced mastitis, and since she was already weaning her own daughter, she stepped in to nurse her nephew. This was a way to ensure the baby got the milk he needed when his mother couldn't provide it.

"Whatever little you have at that moment, even if it's not much, you can still sincerely offer it to someone else," she explained.

3. Acceptance and prayer is important

Dr. Alignay emphasized, "Creating a community of acceptance and prayer is critical for supporting other moms. We need a supportive community that understands us and prays for us."

"We all want the best for our children, we know that the community of being accepted, of supporting through spirituality and prayer, can do wonders for our heart and soul." —Dr. Michele Alignay, RPsy, RGC

She continued, "The world is already harsh, marami nang judger, marami nang nag-judge sa atin. Pero minsan tayong mga mommies, tayo yung kailangang mag-stick together because we know that we are going through a lot of realities. We all want the best for our children, we know that the community of being accepted, of supporting through spirituality and prayer, can do wonders for our heart and soul."

If you are a new mom or dad who needs a support group, you are welcome to join our Facebook group Smart Parenting Village.

Know when to seek professional help

Dr. Alignay also advises new moms to be aware of their own needs so they can communicate them effectively.

"Kasi kung kilala mo sarili mo, you know that this is your need, and you can assert your needs to your husband like, 'Hey, I just need a timeout, give me 1 hour.' Pero kung hindi, the role of motherhood, nakakalunod siya. Kung hindi mo kilala ang sarili mo, you'll forever be joining the bandwagon, you're forever just a copycat of 'What works for this person, it might work for me also,'" she warns.

She explained that becoming a mother tests your self-worth and self-awareness, "I believe that if you lack self-worth and self-awareness, you can journey with good people, good friends who can walk through with you, who can listen to you."

"Pero if you see that you are no longer yourself, you are already becoming the worst side of you, and most of the time you do not like the state of your motherhood, then it may be the time you seek professional help."

Dr. Michele Alignay, RPsy, RGC will be one of the speakers at the Jewels Conference 2023: BEYOND on August 19, 2023, Saturday, from 9 AM – 5 PM at the SMX Convention Center, Pasay City. Other speakers include celebrity mom and host Bianca Gonzalez-Intal, and Smart Parenting Mom Squad member Love Cosio. Register now at www.jewelsconference.com