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'Wag Takutin,' 'Set The Mood': Dads Give Tips For Wives To Get Their Husbands See A Doctor
PHOTO BY Christian Halili and Ronan Capili (3rd from left)
  • The Smart Parenting Family Thanksgiving, held on June 1, 2022 at the Summit Media HQ, served as the perfect venue for the first meeting of Smart Parenting Mom Squad and Dad Squad.

    These moms and dads are the ambassadors of the new Smart Parenting, which is not only about raising bright kids. More importantly, it promotes the physical, mental, emotional, social, and financial health of parents, and along with the rest of the family.

    On the Dad Squad side, there were Alfie Tulagan, Edroy Lim, JC Lasam, Julius Bayoneta, Boom Domingo, Dale Camandang, Dreus Cosio, Jing Ruiz, and JPaul Hernandez.

    We got to talk to Alfie, Edroy, JC, and Julius on health matters, and this is what they have to say to their fellow dads. They also give tips for the wives on how to encourage the husbands to see a doctor.

    Edroy: Say it in a loving manner

    "Pagtiyagaan n’yo ang mga mister n’yo kasi maraming iniisip at saka maraming inaalala. There’s a certain na talagang puwedeng maging firm tayo. Pero in a loving manner."
    PHOTO BY Christian Halili
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    "Saktong-sakto kasi habang tumatanda, may mga nararamdaman tayo," Edroy points out. "Being a dad, naiisip natin sayang ang oras. Natatakot ako pag sinabi sa ’kin na may sakit ako. Paano ’yung hanap-buhay natin?

    "Pero sana isipin din ng mga dads na kung may karamdaman ka, di mo inintindi, baka mas mapaikli pa ’yung kabuhayan mo na pag-provide sa family mo...Imbes na matigil ka ng trabaho ng isang buwan, lumala, mapatigil ka ng limang taong trabaho. Worst-case scenario, lumala, mawala ka sa mundo."

    Edroy, who works as an event host, advises wives to talk to their husbands in a loving manner when it comes tohealth matters and medical checkups.

    How? The tone the wives should use is not "pautos" or in a nagging way, and it also shouldn't come across as "pananakot."

    Thus avoid saying:

    "Pa-check-up ka na, grabe ka na."

    "Magpa-check ka nga, baka ano pang mangyari sa ’yo. Lumala pa ’yan. Paano kaming mga anak mo?"

    Edroy explains, "It can be put in a softer tone, na caring rather than nagging." He adds, "Probably also help in looking for a doctor, scheduling kung kailan, and handling until the backend. Para ma-lessen din ang stress of nagging do’n sa husband."

    Say these instead:

    "Mahal kita. I want to do this kasi ayaw kitang nakikitang nahihirapan."

    "I understand."

    "Naga-alala ako sa ’yo. I want to grow old with you. Siyempre ang anak natin, gusto kang makita, magka-apo."

    Alfie: Take health as safety net

    On why men have to be told about seeing a doctor: "Generally siguro ando’n ’yung fear lagi na they don’t want to add doon sa, siguro, ’yung pressure, ’yung problema ba sa family. They want to appear strong."
    PHOTO BY Ronan Capili
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    Working in the insurance industry and being married to a doctor make Alfie thoroughly aware of the value of regular health monitoring and medical checkups.

    "Pero siguro to convince other husbands," he says, "my tip to them is to take their health as their safety net. Because if they are unhealthy, how can they provide their family better?"

    Alfie adds, "Di ba sabi nila we are the providers? Pero sometimes even if we don’t provide the material things, if we are physically healthy to them, we offer them our strength, how we give time, focus on them, taking care of them. You know, simple things, doing household chores. So very important ’yung health."

    In their 30s, Alfie points out, they may not feel the effect of neglectfulness in their health. But he cautions, "Sa future, lilitaw na ’yan. We have to be mindful of our health conditions.

    "Mahirap ’yung antayin mo pang lalala siya. Lalong mas magastos, more stress sa family. Puwede pang reason ng paga-away ng mag-asawa. Magsisisihan pa sila. That’s what we want to avoid sana."

    JC: Looking after your health means loving your family

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    "For me, kung wala ’yung financial problems, one is ’yung emotions nila. Aminin man nila, ang mga daddies, ‘I’m strong. Wala akong sakit-sakit. Nasa utak lang ’yan.’"
    PHOTO BY Christian Halili

    Both JC and his wife are in the field of medicine, so they don't need to remind each other of the value of healthcare. But he totally understands why others don't feel the same way.

    He has an advice "for those dads talaga na kailangan pang pilitin" to have themselves checked by healthcare providers: "Better to look na lang sa ikasasaya ng inyong pamilya."

    He goes on explaining, "If you really wanted to be with them for mas mahabang panahon or considering na need mo rin alagaan ang sarili mo, which is kailangan talagang magpa-check up ka. Tignan mo ang kalusugan mo. That’s a way of loving your family, not only yourself."

    JC's tip for the wives in convincing the husbands to see a doctor: "Siguro kausapin talaga nang masinsinan, ipa-realize kung gaano ka-importante na magpasuri in terms of kalusugan.

    "Ipakita mo kung ano ang pros at cons, ang kahalagahan ng pagpapa-check-up. In that way siguro mapapakiusapan ang mga dads kung napa-realize mo naman. Nakikinig naman po kami. Kapag napakita naman ang kahalagahan ng isang bagay, susunod naman."

    Julius: Set the mood for a heart-to-heart talk

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    "Now, I think because of the pandemic, it’s gaining traction, medyo nagbabago na. Kasi na-realize ’yung value of health. The need really to be healthy or to survive because you will not be able to support your family kung ikaw ang magkakasakit. That’s a sad reality. But I think it’s changing now. Maybe that’s one of the silver linings of the pandemic."
    PHOTO BY Ronan Capili

    Julius, who's in the field of project management, training, and people development, has very doable tips for the wives in making the husbands see the value of health.

    He offers saying these lines: "If you want to live longer, if you want to witness your daughter on her 18th birthday, if you want to bring her to the altar when she gets married, then you need to live longer."

    He explains, "I may sound medyo odd, pero that’s one thing to make realize. On a personal note, it made me realize, ‘Yeah, I think I have to have my sugar checked. I think I need to have the whole body checkup.' Kung covered naman ng health card, why not?"

    Julius elaborates: "Siguro my way wife was clever enough to do that trick on me. I think the timing should always be okay. Now, there should be husband and wife dates. I think that’s a good opportunity.

    "Kung meron silang weekly or monthly dates, then during the conversation, you don’t need to do it outside, even at home, eh. While the kids are at sleep or napping, and then, over a cup of coffee. Then put the discussion."

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    He admits that's his "trick" when he needs to discuss something with his wife that requires undivided attention. "I’ll set the mood first. I’ll put her in an atmosphere na puwede kaming mag-usap nang walang umiiyak na bata or nagpapaturo ng assignment na anak."

    Julius adds, "The husbands kasi tend to be hard-headed din. I don’t know if I’m only speaking for myself, but I think for many tatays, they want to be the last. Okay, ang bata ang unang i-check-up. Ang asawa, next.

    "And then you, as head of the family, you want to be the sacrificial lamb, so to speak. Pero dapat ngayon equal din, di ba? You have to be equally healthy in order to support your family."

    Read also: Men Embrace Healthier Behaviors When They Become Dads: Study

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