"Anong mas mahirap? Breastfeeding or home birth?” This was first armor-piercing question that Smart Parenting Editor-At-Large Rica Parelejo-Bonifacio asked during her interview with Smart Parenting’s August 2022 digital cover star, Coleen Garcia Crawford.
In this exclusive 2-part interview for Smart Parenting’s PopRica, Coleen shares her lessons from her motherhood journey.
“Oh my God. Magkaibang hirap talaga siya," said Coleen, the 29-year old mom to Amari (now 2 years old) and wife to singer Billy Crawford. “I’m still traumatized. Sobrang painful. I think I had it easy pa sa lagay na yan.”
Giving birth at home
Most planned home births take place without interventions or pain relief, and are usually assisted by a doula or midwife.
“I was so zen, so chill the whole time.” She shares that her active labor took place over four hours. “It was so painful. Now thinking about it, I always thought I wanted to do it sunod-sunod, para magkalapit na yung age. But now going through all of it, I can’t. I can’t do it yet again.”
“What was the best part of your home birth?” Rica asked.
“I believe it was my connection to God during that time, and also Billy’s support," Coleen replied. "It was his ultimate shining moment as a husband and as a father. He was really there for me. I really did that for him also, the home birth, because I wanted him to be there.”
RELATED: What Exactly Is A Birth Doula And What Does She Do?
Part of the reason the Crawford’s chose to do a home water birth was because of the COVID-19 pandemic, and many hospitals during that time did not allow the father or a companion to be present during birth.
Watch the intimate and moving video intimate moments of Coleen’s home birth here.
She has no regrets about her choice of birth. “I’m happy I did it that way because God really gave me assurance.”
“I’m still traumatized. Sobrang painful. I think I had it easy pa sa lagay na yan.”
Coleen’s birthing team included OB-Gyne Dr. Cecile Francisco-Ordinariors from the Marikina Maternity Clinic & Lying In along with a midwife and nurse, and the doula recommended by Rica: Irina Otmakhova.
RELATED: Coleen Garcia Says Delivering The Placenta Was Harder And Took Longer
Dreaming of motherhood and the impact on their relationship
Coleen shares that being a mommy was always her dream. “My parents were separated," she said, "They’ve been separated since I was nine years old. I guess you want what you don’t have.”
"It was [Billy's] ultimate shining moment as a husband and as a father. He was really there for me."
“So you were looking forward ever since you were a young person?” asked Rica.
“We have so many dreams and goals, but I had no other dream as strong as that desire," replied Coleen.
She shares the challenges of maintaining a relationship with your partner after having a baby, saying that she’s so blessed to have Billy as a partner because “it can go either way."
A glimpse into parenting at the Crawford household
Coleen shared their parenting styles. “What I love is Billy trusts my instincts. If there’s something na hindi niya maintindihan, he just trusts me. He’s very much like, 'lead the way,' with parenting, but he’s so supportive," she stressed, "If there’s something he doesn’t normally agree with or doesn’t understand, he’s so open to hearing why and like, why it’s necessary. And he still practices it.”
She shares being overcome by stress and fatigue of parenting contributes more to their fights or disagreements than contrasting parenting styles. Rica and Coleen spoke for a bit about gadget use for young kids, too, and the importance of connecting with your child.
Overcoming post-partum anxiety
Coleen suffered from postpartum anxiety (PPA) after giving birth to Amari. “I didn’t know what it could look like. I read up so much about postpartum depression. I wasn’t depressed because I was just so filled with joy and so happy about everything, but I was anxious and I think some of it has carried over to today, because I’m still an anxious parent.
“I think every mom is an anxious parent,” Rica assured, “It’s not normal as a person to be so anxious.”
While parental anxiety is normal, PPA is different from postpartum depression (PPD) and characterized by racing thoughts, constant worry and dread about things you fear that will happen, and it can be accompanied by obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) or even panic attacks.
RELATED: 5 Ways To Help Yourself When You're Feeling Postpartum Blues, Not Depression
“Sometimes it was so irrational already. Sometimes I’d be laying down peacefully and I would have intrusive thoughts about something happening to him and it was so stressful," expressed Coleen. "I don’t know if I’d ever get rid of the anxiety, it’s not how it used to be.”
"I wasn’t depressed because I was just so filled with joy and so happy about everything, but I was anxious."
Coleen shares that her personal relationship with God helped her to overcome her PPA. “Trusting that nothing bad will happen. I always try to remember that Amari is my son, but he’s God’s first," she went on to say, "I’m my mom’s daughter but I’m also God’s daughter. God has taken care of me my whole life and he will do the same for Amari.”
RELATED: What Husbands Need To Remember About Postpartum Depression
Coleen shares her biggest lesson learned when parenting, the different adjustments needed in their relationship and how they manage conflicts and disagreements. She also speaks about modeling behavior for Amari and teaching by example. In order to do so, she works on herself. “To do the inner work and heal, everything that needs to be healed.”
“You’ve said everything in my heart.” Rica says as she wraps up the interview, “I think kids are actually the ones that lead you into your healing.”
If you think you have postpartum anxiety or depression, consult your health provider.
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