A First Time Father's Handbook: 10 Tips For New Dads

For a first-time mother, figuring things out doesn’t always come instinctively. What made all the difference for me were two key things: learning through experience (yes, trial and error) and leaning on support groups—families, friends, and online communities. One can find a number of books, apps, and online forums that help a new mom thrive in her new role.

How about the dads? I often wonder. We don’t always see a ‘rookie’ guide for first-time dads.

Perhaps this is because caregiving for a newborn is mostly attributed to moms. But dads are parents, too, and they also need a ‘what to expect’ guide so things can feel less daunting and demanding. Like any other newbie parent, becoming a dad for the first time is a life-changing journey—exciting, yes, but let’s be honest, it can also feel a little overwhelming. I could tell by my husband’s trembling and hesitant hands when he held our eldest for the first time.

Also Read: Nervous About Holding Your Newborn? 4 Tips For First-Time Moms And Dads

Being a first-time dad comes with a steep learning curve, from diaper changes to sleepless nights,. But don’t worry—you don’t have to figure it all out alone. This guide, based on Smart Parenting's research and tips from dads of Smart Parenting Village (a group of more than 108,000 moms and dads), is here to help you navigate the basics of fatherhood's highs and lows. Whether you’re feeling unprepared or just want to step into this new role knowing what to expect, we’ve got you covered with practical tips, honest advice, a spoiler alert, and perhaps a little encouragement to get you through your first year as a dad. (You got this, daddy!)

Read Also: Tatay na Ako! 21 Photos of Dads Meeting Their Babies for the First Time

Navigating Fatherhood: 10 tips for new dads

1. Bonding is not an instant thing (and that’s totally fine).

While mothers often form a deep attachment before their baby is even born, fathers tend to experience a flood of intense emotions when the baby arrives. “One of the biggest things that hits men, especially first-time fathers, is the overwhelming sense of responsibility and protection,” explained in an article by Richard Horowitz, a parenting coach and education professor at Caldwell University.

Additionally, Oxford University’s study found that new fathers, “whatever their intentions about sharing roles with their partners, found they were ending up in quite traditional structures where mother raised the child and father worked to support them.”

So don’t be discouraged if ‘bonding does not come naturally’ or the baby takes time getting used to your nurturing embrace—all the while your mind is trying to focus on how to provide for this new mouth to feed. It’s okay to relax a little, dad, and enjoy some humming and cuddling with your newborn.

Nick Fernandez from the Smart Parenting Village says, “It's okay to feel lost. There is no fixed roadmap when taking care of a child. The journey will never be perfect. Focus on the present moment and be present mentally and physically.”

2. Childcare is not only about changing diapers.

According to a study, one of the biggest adjustments that comes with having a newborn is managing daily childcare responsibilities. The stress of negotiating how these tasks are divided and ensuring they get done can place considerable strain on new parents and their relationship. In fact, disagreements over the division of childcare are among the most common sources of conflict for new parents. The study says, “It is important to consider not only how childcare is divided, but also new parents’ reactions to their childcare contributions.”

In that respect, dads, getting the job done is only half of the story—the other half is how much you’re willing and happy enough to help your partner in child-rearing.

But to get there, you have to fill half of that role first. "Matuto kang mag-palit ng diaper at mga iba pang baby stuff hindi nakakabawas sa pagka-lalaki mo 'yun," dad Carl Emilio says.

“Keep showing how much you love your wife. One day, your baby will understand.” —Mikko Santiago

3. ‘Exhausted’ has a new meaning in your daddy vocabulary.

Daddy Nick says, “Tired is a severe understatement for the experience.”

But don’t panic just yet. Sleep gets better as babies grow older. But for the first few months, expect sleepless nights. According to an article on fatherhood and fatigue, manage your fatigue by taking naps, staying healthy by drinking at least two liters of water daily, eating fresh whole foods, limiting sugar and alcohol, spending time away from screens, and staying active through regular exercise or brisk walks.

The article advises introducing the baby to a routine, sitting on a rocking chair and singing nonsense, walking while holding the baby, or playing ‘waterfall’ (white noise) sounds to help the baby settle and sleep. To minimize pressure, it is also recommended not to always reach out to friends and family straight away—getting and answering texts at random times would be helpful.

4. It’s not all about the baby—remember to check how your wife’s doing.

Mikko Santiago, another villager dad, offers heartfelt advice to first-time dads: “Keep showing how much you love your wife. One day, your baby will understand.”

Nick adds, “Be extra kind and be extra patient with your wife, your baby, and yourself.”

Read Also: Dad Lists Down The Ways To Support Your Wife While Taking Care Of A Newborn

Although most mothers are keen on caring for an infant, it is also best to take care of your wives during this phase. Make sure they can take naps, they can have extra minutes in the shower, they don’t skip meals, and you share the caregiving load with them.

According to a clinical report of the American Academy of Pediatrics, a prospective study finds that greater father involvement during infancy—through caregiving, play, and communication—was associated with reduced mental health symptoms in children at nine years old.

Spoiler Alert: Your sex life isn’t going to be what it used to be. It will take a while.

Your wife has little to no sleep, probably breastfeeding a baby who’s hungry every hour or so, hasn’t showered more than 10 minutes since the baby was born, has hormones in haywire as she regains her full functionality postpartum, and worries about the stitches popping—so please, try to be a bit more understanding if she’s not in the mood to get naughty and sexy right away.

I know you miss her, but please give her some time to get back on the saddle.

"If by any chance you're blessed with an atypical child, regardless which condition it might be, please do not blame anyone, especially your wife. Don't abandon them as well, be a provider and a father." —Crinan Antonio, Smart Parenting Villager

5. Learn the different kinds of cries.

Babies cry for the following reasons: they are hungry, sleepy, gassy, need to be burped, feel hot or cold, uncomfortable, or their diapers are dirty.

How to know if the baby is hungry? Fold your index finger and try to gently touch the cheek (near the sides of your baby’s mouth) and if the baby tries to reach and suck your index finger, that means the baby’s most likely hungry.

Irritable and fussy? Try to rock the baby gently or gently rub or stroke the baby's back, chest or tummy—she might be feeling tired and sleepy. Wrap your baby in a swaddle and if it calms your baby, he might be feeling cold. Turn on some white noise to calm the baby, like the sound of a vacuum cleaner or a spinning washing machine.

An American children’s hospital site reminds us, “It is normal for a baby to cry and it is normal to feel frustrated when he or she won't stop. Sometimes, in that moment, you might feel like you are going to lose control. In that moment, do not shake the baby. As a parent or caregiver, you are human…no matter how bad it gets or how tired and frustrated you feel, shaking the baby, putting the baby down roughly or throwing the baby is never the answer. Instead, calm yourself and calm your baby. The crying will eventually end.”

6. Learn how to burp the baby.

Burping is a crucial step during feeding. When babies swallow, air bubbles can get trapped in their tummy, leading to discomfort. While some babies burp easily, others may need a bit of assistance.

It is not rocket science to burp your baby—you can nail this one, dads. When burping your baby, support their head and neck, ensure their tummy and back are straight (not curled), and gently rub or pat their back for a couple of minutes. With your baby’s chin resting on your shoulder, use one hand to support their head and shoulders while gently patting or rubbing their back. Walking around as you do this may also help.

Read Also: WATCH: Learn How to Burp Your Baby

7. Start them young—get chatty with them!

Help Me Grow website says, “Talking to your baby is an important way to help him/her grow. It promotes communication and language development. It also supports social and emotional development. Even before your baby starts to talk, he/she communicates with you through facial expressions, body language and crying. It is important to respond to your child’s signals. This lets your baby know that you are listening and that he/she can communicate to have his/her needs met. Talk with your baby about what he/she may feel or may need from you. For example, when your baby cries, you can say, “You’re crying. Are you hungry?”

So as young as they are, talk to your babies gently and softly (and maybe sometimes, sing them a lullaby!)

8. Remain steadfast if there are little surprises along the way.

“If by any chance you're blessed with an atypical child, regardless which condition it might be, please do not blame anyone, especially your wife. Don't abandon them as well, be a provider and a father. This is a shared obligation. The earlier you accept your child's condition the better, equip yourself with resources and knowledge about your child's condition. Accessible na 'to at this time and age. If it's overwhelming, seek the Lord's guidance,” says Crinan Antonio, another Smart Parenting villager.

See Also: Dad Takes Photos of His Son "Flying" to Raise Awareness for Down Syndrome

9. Save up, dads.

After the baby is born, there will be several doctor’s appointments for the first year—check ups and vaccinations. If you are trying to save money, have your baby vaccinated for free at a health center near you—and get the rest of the prescribed vaccines from your pediatrician of choice.

You will also spend loads on diapers, wipes, and other hygiene and feeding essentials. You can hold off from buying non-essential stuff for the first year and stick to what your baby needs at the moment. You will also need vitamins for the baby and yourself so both you and the baby have a strong immune system while you navigate through the first year of life. Along with your wife, you will also have to think of health insurance in case the baby needs to be hospitalized or just be sure to save up some funds for emergencies.

Also Read: Raising a Baby From Birth to 2 Years Is Less Than P500,000: Mom Shows Us How

Danica Castillo, another village member, puts it this way, “However much money you think you need, you need more.”

10. Do not forget to take care of yourself, too.

As the usual hero and protector of the home, dads, like moms, carry a lot of invisible load.

Daddy, it is important that you take care of yourself, too. Have a little space for your hobbies, take naps if you must, spend time with your wife over coffee or dinner, and have a nice little chat—your mental health is just as important as everyone else's in the household.

How else do you deal with the pressure of being a first-time dad? Read here.