8 Parenting Tips For One and Done Families

In the Philippine setting where the traditional Filipino family model often includes multiple children, the rise of 'one and done' parenting is reshaping the landscape of family dynamics and influencing conversations around parenting approach.

Whatever their reason may be, as more parents choose or find themselves with only one child, it's important to understand the unique opportunities and challenges that come with this family structure.

Sissy Goff, a renowned author and counselor, offers insightful tips for raising an only child. We delved deeper into these eight tips, providing a helping hand for parents navigating this path. 

Embracing the Unique Journey of 'One and Done' Parenting

Although she isn’t technically an only child, Goff was, for the whole of her formative years an only child. In an Instagram post, the author shared the things she wished her parents did.

1. Encouraging Team Sports: Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

Goff suggests that participation in team sports can be invaluable for an only child. Being involved in sports activities teaches kids about collaboration, handling wins and losses, and the importance of contributing to a group effort. They have to know that hindi sila laging panalo. This experience is essential in developing social skills and understanding the dynamics of working with others toward a common goal.

2. The Power of Friendship

The presence of friends into your child's life can help simulate the sibling experience. It allows them to learn about sharing, compromise, and the joys of companionship. Encourage playdates, sleepovers, and group activities to foster these important social interactions. Goff even encourages that parents include their child’s friends on trips.

3. Navigating Anxiety: Building Resilience and Confidence

Only children may experience anxiety due to high expectations placed on them or the pressure of being the sole focus of their parents' attention. It's important to recognize this instead of tiptoeing around this possibility so you can provide support as early as needed through open communication, reassurance, and professional help if needed.

4. Flexibility And Control: Teaching Adaptability

In the context of raising an only child, the desire for control can often stem from their unique position within the family. Teaching your child to be flexible and not overly controlling is a vital life skill. This can be achieved by exposing them to different environments, people, and situations that require them to adapt and go with the flow.

5. Learning to Accommodate

Encourage your child to think about others' needs and preferences. This builds a sense of empathy and consideration. As an only child, there is tendency that they feel that most things will be done to accommodate their needs but in preparing them to live their lives outside the four corners of their safe space at home, they would need the skill to be comfortable in compromising to engage in healthy relationships. While it's natural to want to give your only child the world, it's important to balance attention and gifts with lessons in gratitude and humility.

6. The Gift of Self-Reliance: Independence

Granting your child a healthy level of independence is not only important for their immediate growth but also for laying the foundation so they can be capable and self-sufficient adults. As a one and done parent, this might not come as easy to practice. 

It's helpful to remember that it’s about striking a balance between providing guidance and stepping back to let them navigate their own way. Encourage them to make decisions, from choosing their clothes to selecting extracurricular activities they're passionate about. Assign them age-appropriate chores or responsibilities, like tidying their room or helping with meal preparation. All these will help instill a sense of ownership and accountability.

7. Modeling Relationships: Be A Good Friend

It’s a fact that children learn by example, and this is particularly true when it comes to developing social skills and understanding relationships. For parents of an only child, it's essential to model healthy friendships as a way to teach their children how to interact with peers, resolve conflicts, and maintain lasting relationships. This is because only children may not have the built-in social setting that siblings provide, where they can observe and participate in social dynamics on a daily basis.

By actively engaging in positive friendships, parents demonstrate to their child how to communicate effectively, show empathy, and offer support. When conflicts arise, parents have the opportunity to show their child how to approach disagreements with a calm demeanor, negotiate solutions, and make compromises.

8. Being Open About Friendship Expectations

As parents of an only child, it's important to help your child set realistic expectations when it comes to friendships. Encourage your only child to engage with peers and to understand that friendships involve a two-way street of give and take.

They may also be used to adult attention and conversation, which can sometimes lead to expectations that their peers may not be able to meet. It's not your fault if this is the case but know that there are ways to help your child cope from this. It's essential to remind your child that other children may not think or act in the same mature manner they do, and that's perfectly okay.