To The Mom Who Is Chasing After A Toddler And Nursing A Baby, I See You

Dear Momshie,

You may be exhausted right now, chasing after your toddler and nursing your newborn. I want you to know that I see you.

You may be getting little to no sleep because of the conflicting schedules of your children on top of changes in sleeping routines, tummy aches, toothaches, and seasonal aches that keep you awake at night. 

There may be nights where you find yourself staring at the ceiling, wondering when things will get better. I've been there too.

You may have doubted your decision to have another child while still caring for a toddler. I certainly did.

You might probably think it was wrong to get pregnant again when your first child was only a year or two. I understand those doubts and regrets because I've had them myself.

You may even contemplate if you should have settled for one child or waited longer before getting pregnant again.

You thought it would be challenging, but nobody told you it would be THIS hard. So tricky that you have yet to learn what you're getting yourself into. 

But let me assure you, Momshie, that all those doubts, regrets, and frustrations will fade away when you see your little ones starting to play and interact with each other.

You'll realize that you've given them the gift of a sibling—a lifelong companion. And that's something money can't buy.

Having children with a small age gap can be challenging at first, but it will be worth it in the end.

"If only you could split yourself into two or three, you would because that's how much your family needs you." –Victoria Dang

No doubt, this journey of parenting two little ones will be unique and unforgettable.

There will be days when you want to crawl and disappear, but you can't because even a 5-minute toilet break will be interrupted by your kids banging on the door.

There will be stormy days where you want to drop everything and cry, but you can't because your children look up to you and make you happy.

Most days, you might feel like your body isn't your own anymore, with all the chasing around and the waking up moments during the night. Still, you power through because you had to!

I know you're trying so hard to try all the possible ways for your children to learn to co-exist, yet you still find them having difficulty together in one room.

I know you tried your best to give them your undivided attention, yet one still feels jealous of the other. 

There were moments when you felt like your body wasn't yours anymore because you felt consumed even to the last strand of your hair. 

You try your best to give everybody the necessary tender love, care, and attention, yet you still struggle because your husband, your kids, and you need you. 

If only you could split yourself into two or three, you would because that's how much your family needs you. 

Sometimes, you think that life is so unfair. There's only one of you, and two of them, plus your husband, and you can't be their everything.

Every day, you're faced with decisions on what to feed your family and how to discipline your kids. It's a never-ending cycle combined with anxiety and fear of judgment.

I see how hard you're trying, and I appreciate you for it.

But I want to ask, Momshie, how are you feeling?

One thing I'm slowly realizing, though, is this: You do what you can to feel good about yourself. 

You can't pour from an empty cup. If you focus on loving yourself and caring for your own well-being, you can avoid burnout and depression.

I know you carry that mom guilt, which is so freaking hard to ignore, especially when you're trying to meet the needs of two kids. But remember, a mom who understands that she matters can make things happen for herself and her family.

MOM GUILT? It will always be there. But if you ever think you're not doing enough as a mom, that you're failing your kids or feeling like a terrible mom, let me stop you right there.

Society has high expectations of us, momshies, and it's no wonder you have high expectations of yourself too.

But consider this: How can you live up to those high expectations when you have two little ones, a husband, and so much else going on?

Accept that not everything will be perfect or under your control, and that's OKAY.

Accept that your life is different now, and it's okay to say 'no' to other things.

Accept that you can't teach your kids everything or be with them 24/7. Sometimes, you have to let go and allow them to learn independently.

Remember, every day is a blessing, a chance to be a better mom than you were the day before. So don't feel guilty about letting your hair down and putting your feet up when possible.

Reach out to your friends, go out of the house to attend fitness classes or get your nails done. Pursue a hobby if you can.

Keep yourself, your identity, and passions alive. Your kids will grow and change, so you must remain true to yourself.

Never depend on others for your happiness; create and find it within yourself.

Take pride in your children because not all achievements are on paper. Sometimes, it's the little things they do that go unnoticed. Be proud of yourself because you're doing great. G-R-E-A-T!

"I know you may find yourself counting the hours, wishing for your kids to grow up quickly. But believe in the saying, "The days are long, but the years are short." –Victoria Dang

I'm here to listen and offer a shoulder to cry on. I understand and stand with you on this journey.

However, I can provide parenting tips all I want, but you will truly understand them as you go through them yourself.

It's not only your kids who will grow, but also you. Being a mom of two little kids will teach you many things, develop your skills, and unlock your hidden talents. Grow with your children, enjoy the journey, and be grateful for the little things.

I know you may find yourself counting the hours, wishing for your kids to grow up quickly. But believe in the saying, "The days are long, but the years are short."

Cherish your little ones, breathe with them while they sleep close to you, and shower them with hugs and kisses. In a few years, they'll become more independent, toilet trained, attending school for most of the day, and they might even try to stop you from kissing them in public.

You might wake up one day and wonder if you enjoyed your children's childhood, if you let the moments pass you by, or if you were able to create lasting memories despite the endless days.

I hope you did. I'm sure you will!

Victoria Dang is a member of the Smart Parenting Mom Squad, and is the author of the Amazon best-selling book, Go Momshie. This open letter will be part of her second book to be released soon.

Buy her first book in National Book Store branches nationwide, or on Shopee here.