Before Smart Parenting: Unwavering Faith Through the Long Wait

In Before Smart Parenting, we honor the grueling journeys that begin long before that coveted first day of parenthood—the quiet waiting, the unseen struggles, and the hope that keeps families going.

Trying to conceive looks different for every couple. For some, pregnancy comes easily. For others, it takes years of waiting, medical interventions, unanswered prayers, and emotional resilience.

In the Philippines, an estimated 10% of the population, or around 5.7 million couples, experience infertility. Behind that number are stories rarely told. Stories of loss, patience, and learning how to celebrate others’ joy while carrying your own grief.

Mike and Gia Lao know this journey well. For 12 years, they waited and prayed to hold a baby of their own. Along the way, they endured a miscarriage, endometriosis, and the emotional weight of watching friends and loved ones build families of their own. Like many couples trying to conceive, they learned how to live with heartbreak while choosing to hold on to hope.

Today, their story has come full circle. Smart Parenting spoke with Mike and Gia during the final stretch of a successful pregnancy. As of publication, they are now enjoying life with their long-awaited baby in their arms. This is their story of faith, patience, and hope after 12 long years of waiting.

Mike and Gia Lao (ML and GL): Hi Smart Parenting! It’s Mike and Gia, we’ve been married for 12 years and we’re currently at our 38th week of pregnancy.

Smart Parenting (SP): Is this your first pregnancy?

GL: We had a miscarriage last 2016, so technically, this is our second time conceiving. Pero ito lang 'yung natuloy until what you call, a viable stage.

SP: How did you cope with the miscarriage?

GL: Hindi siya yung parang usual na grieving. Parang I got distracted lang with work, I went back to work immediately, after around two weeks.

I think big factor is, I had a good support system—husband, friends, church community. So it was an easy recovery from the first miscarriage. Though throughout the years, we realized that we weren’t able to grieve enough. Many times during the pandemic, we realized we still had to grieve the miscarriage.

SP: After that, when or what sparked your decision to try for a baby again?

ML: We didn’t try agad right after. After a year, we prayed about it. Nilalagay namin siya sa prayer and fasting booklet namin na we’ll try again. We consulted doctors to have both of us checked, pero wala eh. Okay kami, both of us, pero hindi talaga kami nakakapag-conceive.

GL: We never stopped trying. It’s just that after the miscarriage, hindi nalang kami nakabuo ulit until this pregnancy.

We had our regular checkups with our doctors, and we tried different doctors who also gave us different advice. Nag-undergo din ako ng surgery, a laparoscopy, to clean my reproductive system from endometriosis and a certain type of cyst na nasa ovaries ko. It should’ve helped me conceive easier, pero hindi pa rin kami nakabuo. After that, we were advised to try other methods.

We were advised to try IUI (intrauterine insemination) first but we decided not to go In our church kasi, we have go through prayer and fasting during the start and second half of the year. We list our faith goals there, and we always write a baby, even after our miscarriage. And ever since, we were hoping for a natural conception kaya we decided not to push through with the IUI treatment.

Then the pandemic happened, and we decided na maybe I needed to resign from work to rest and try to conceive. But when we had our regular checkup again with our fertility doctors, we found out my endometriosis came back, even if I had the laparoscopic surgery after I had the miscarriage. This time with additional adenomyosis, which added to the struggle with infertility. They also checked my fallopian tubes and they also saw that both my fallopian tubes were blocked. So we were advised to do in-vitro fertilization (IVF)—this would be the easiest way for us to conceive since we’re at the age now it will be harder and riskier for us.

We prayed about it. Waited for almost another year. And then we decided to try.

ML: We went through the initial process—checkup, workup, blood work, lab tests.

GL: But there was no peace in our hearts. Everything was okay naman for us. Then when the time came na iha-harvest na yung eggs from me, we decided to not push through with it because parang walang peace. Nagkaroon ako ng anxiety, I questioned myself if tama ba? If talagang ito yung way ni God for us to conceive a baby, or we’re just too afraid to…

ML: Let go.

GL: Na just because our doctor said na we’ll have a hard time na because of our age, we’ll go through with it without seeking God. Na ito na ba talaga Lord, after all these years believing and waiting for natural conception?

SP: How long have you been including having a baby in your faith goals?

GL: I think it was during our first year of marriage lang namin na we didn’t try to conceive. During that time we just wanted to enjoy the time na kaming dalawa lang. But after that…

ML: We included it yearly na.

GL: We’ve been trying yearly since 2014. So we’ve been married 12 years na, so 11 years of trying to conceive.

SP: During those 11 years, what was the hardest for you?

ML: For me, the hardest is seeing her cry, kapag meron na isa, o dalawa siyang co-workers na sabay-sabay nag-conceive, siya nalang naiwan. As a husband, yun yung pinaka-masakit, na makikita siya na malungkot, umiiyak. Una, masaya siya when her friends tell her the good news. Pero after nung smile na yun, pag-uwi niya, doon naman siya iiyak.

I felt din na wala akong right na umiyak kasi umiiyak siya eh. Where will she draw her strength if ako din, iiyak? If ako din, mahina loob ko?

GL: To add, I worked sa Church namin. There was a time na five or six na wives kaming trying to conceive. We were prayed for by our Church leaders. Pinag-pray kami nang sabay-sabay, and sunod-sunod nag-conceive yung mga workmates ko that time. Of course as a friend and co-worker, I’m happy for them. But you ask God na parang, “Lord, ako na ba yung next?” Or “Okay, baka ako na yung next?”

Tapos isa-isa na rin silang nag-resign kasi malapit na silang manganak. So naisip ko, “Okay nagiging pregnant na sila tapos naga-alisan na sila. Ako, okay, andito pa rin ako. Hindi pa rin ako buntis.”

It’s really more of the struggle of waiting and asking na, “Ako, kelan?” This was the first batch.

The next batch, wives na naging friends ko rin. Ganon din nangyari. Most of them newly married, kakakasal lang, after a year or six months, nabubuntis. Parang sunod-sunod. The process is the same, happy ka na you’ll celebrate with them pero kapag ikaw nalang mag-isa, iiyak na.

I also remember one instance na, complete kami on a Sunday, so syempre busy day kasi there are people attending Church. Halos lahat ng staff andun sa office nung time na yun. Tapos yung isang workmate namin, she announced na she’s pregnant. So happy, I said congratulations. Tapos I went to a private part ng office. Hindi ko na nahintay makauwi ng bahay to cry to God. Doon pa lang sa office, umiyak na ako, hindi ko na napigilan mag-break down. Parang, heto na naman, Lord.

So to answer, sa 11 years, ang hardest part is yung waiting season. Seeing your friends, your workmates, mga kasabayan at ka-edaran ko na nagkaka-anak. Maraming factors, parang you feel left out. Because sila may babies, so we don’t get invited to kiddie parties because wala din naman kaming anak. Although we do get invited din naman. Pero yung feeling na nasa parenting era na sila and kami wala pa so hindi kami maka-relate. Hindi na same and wala nang common ground.

Yun yung hardest part. The waiting game and the feeling of being left out.

Another bittersweet part of waiting is showering other people with love and happiness but at the same time, ikaw, waiting ka for your turn. Like kapag may nagsasabi sa akin na buntis ulit sila, parang naiisip ko, “Bakit ang bilis for them?” Minsan nga yung hindi pa nagta-try, pregnant na, na parang, “Bakit sa kanila mabilis?”

So may mga ugly cry moments ako na parang, “Sana favorite mo din ako Lord,” or, “Lord, bakit? Hindi mo ba ako favorite?” May times na din na parang I argue with God na, “Kulang ba kami sa faith? Kulang ba kami sa prayers? Masyado ba kami naka-focus doon?”

May ganon kaming moments na, “Lord, bawasan mo yung desire if its too much. Lord, dagdagan mo kung kulang.” Yung litong-lito ka na paano at anong klase bang prayer kay Lord para ma-answer ito.

SP: What kept your hope alive?

ML: Nag-iba siguro yung perspective namin. Instead of maging malungkot kami with the season we had, we shifted to gratitude. Kasi even though we were praying for our own child, that season we enjoyed each other, nakapag-travel kami na wala masyadong iniisip. We thought, we are already complete.

Naisip namin, bakit kami ma-stuck sa “Lord, bakit wala pa kaming baby?” So nagkaroon kami ng shift in mindset to, “Lord, thank you dahil as a couple we are able to enjoy ourselves, nabui-build namin marriage namin. Kasi hindi ba, the greatest gift you can leave your children is your marriage? Thankful din kami na binigyan kami ni Lord ng season na nag-build kami. Yun yung hope na pinanghahawakan namin and eventually, nagkaroon kami ng baby na.

GL: I think it helped na walang pressure from my husband. He never pressured me to try this or that, na we do this or that to try to conceive. What he always tells me is we’re already complete.

Second, the hope na I know na, Lord, ibigay mo man or hindi, alam kong may joy pa rin kami sa marriage namin. To explain, for me kasi as a woman, ang iniisip ko, kapag hindi ako nagka-anak, magiging happy ba ang marriage namin in the future? Na parang may purpose pa ba ako as a woman or as a wife if wala akong anak? How will our old age look like? I had hope because I held on to the assurance from God na there will still be joy in our marriage with or without a child, and I’m so grateful na sa 12 years naming walang anak, sobrang na-enjoy namin marriage namin. Never naging issue sa amin na, “Bakit hindi tayo nagkaka-anak?”, never namin pinag-awayan yung infertility journey namin.

And I always share this to everyone, na God, He never failed to give me hope through my dreams. I always dream na meron akong anak, its either I’m pregnant, na nasa hospital ako, or nabuntis ako. Na hawak ko yung baby or newborn, or na may toddler kami sa bahay. So alam ko na that’s God’s way of giving me hope and assurance na meron.

SP: How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?

GL: Natulala ako nung nakita ko na dalawa yung line. Although, I knew in my heart na mag-positive siya. Siguro yun yung mother’s instinct. Pero nung nakita ko na positive talaga siya, natulala ako. Parang, heto na ba yun? Totoo na ba ito?

ML: Na-confuse ako nung pinakita niya sakin. Sabi ko, “Bakit? Paano?” Kasi, alam namin na blocked fallopian tubes niya and the only way for her to get pregnant is either magpa-laparoscopy ulit siya or magpa-IVF na kami. So talagang na-confuse kami.

GL: Hindi kami nag-iyakan, pero we hugged each other. Pero yung hug is more…

ML: Totoo na ba to?

GL: For me, may fear din na, will this push through?

Nung narinig namin yung unang heartbeat, doon talaga ako umiyak. Kasi yung first pregnancy ko, walang heartbeat. So nung narinig ko heartbeat in this pregnancy, naiyak ako na parang, “Ah, totoo na to, kasi may heartbeat na.”

After that, Mike personally shared the good news with our loved ones, family friends, and our church community, kasi we know so many people prayed and waited with us. Prayed for us and believed with us for this child.

SP: Are there things you wish more people understood about the trying-to-conceive journey?

ML: Para sa akin, na hindi siya ganon kadali na kung kailan mo i-decide na mag-conceive, makakabuo na kayo agad. Akala kasi ng iba na parang if you want to conceive, you just do it and meron na.

Kapag may friends kami na who say na mag-wait muna sila ng one or two years before having  a baby, I say, “It’s okay na ma-enjoy niyo sarili niyo, ang hirap din na tinataningan niyo lang.” Kasi hindi siya ganon, mahirap din mag-conceive based sa experience namin. Though sa iba nga ang bilis lang, pero sa amin mahirap. Kailangan ng faith and prayer if you’re going to conceive and start a family.

GL: For me, it’s a different story for every couple, it’s not an easy topic to discuss. For example, for us, the hardest part is the waiting but na-enjoy din naman namin yung time namin, baka for others hindi ganon. Hindi din kasi kung ano lang nakikita natin, alam na natin kung ano journey nila. Maraming times na we received comments like, “Masyado nyo naman ine-enjoy yung kayong dalawa lang.” Well-meaning comments pero parang in-assume na nila na yun yung reason bakit wala pa kayong baby. Sana alam ng mga tao na waiting is not easy for some, I don’t think it’s easy for anybody.

SP: How can family and friends support trying-to-conceive couples?

ML: Huwag bigyan ng pressure. Encourage them to enjoy the season na meron sila ngayon and each other. Kasi nga ba sobrang focused doon sa trying-to-conceive na nami-miss out na nila yung ganda ng how marriage is supposed to be. And give due importance sa marriage, because at the end of the day, kapag lumaki na yung mga anak, maiiwan din tayo eh. Magkakaroon din sila ng sariling pamilya. Babalik din naman sa tayong dalawa lang. Hopefully, lahat ng married couples get to enjoy their marriage na sila lang.

GL: We’re very blessed na both our parents didn’t pressure us na, “Asan na yung apo namin?” Or, “Wala pa ba?” That’s one thing I can advise people na may couple na trying-to-conceive. Especially din sa panahon ngayon na maraming couples na ayaw pa talaga magka-baby. Hindi rin makakatulong to give pressure or unsolicited advice. Help them invest in their marriage, mag-bangko. We’re very grateful na nakapag-bangko kami ng memories, time, and effort sa isa’t isa, before dumating itong miracle baby namin.

Be there for them, and malaking part is to pray for them. Stand with them in prayer, believe with them. Kung ano yung faith nila, stand with their faith. Like kami, we believed na we’ll have a natural conception, we’re very grateful na hindi kami na-pressure na mag IVF or IUI. Our family and friends believed with us sa paniniwala namin for us. Encourage them, pray for them, do not give unsolicited advice.

SP: Do you have any message for other couples who are trying-to-conceive?

GL: Don’t stop hoping, believing. Anything your heart desires, God sees it. Hold on to God’s promises for you and your family. Don’t feel guilty kapag nakakaramdam ka ng sadness for yourself dahil happy ka for your friends, dahil buntis sila. It’s okay na minsan malungkot ka. Don’t let sadness dictate how you’ll respond to another couple’s pregnancy announcement. And don’t let the sadness and longing dictate how you would go about your waiting season, na malungkot ka throughout your waiting season. You have to decide, “Paano ko mae-enjoy habang nagwe-wait ako?” Invest on your marriage para kapag andyan na yung anak niyo, hindi kayo nag–a-adjust palang sa isa’t isa.

ML: To the husbands, don’t put pressure sa mga wives niyo. Even if we want it so much to conceive and have a family, huwag natin sila bigyan ng pressure. I hope na our primary reason we married our wives is because we love them and we want to be with them forever and ever, not just because gusto natin magkaroon ng family. Let’s support them. Be a best friend to our wives. Support her, cry with her. Also, dapat talaga matindi ang foundation and faith natin to believe. Kasi if tayo mismong husbands, mabilis mag-crumble sa mga ganitong circumstances, sa mga prayers na hindi ma-answer, kanino pa kukuha ng strength yung spouses natin?

Be a supportive husband. Be with her. Support her. Ikaw mag-initiate na mag-invest sa marriage habang naghihintay kayo. Ikaw ang mag-simula, ikaw ang mag-lead. Through those experiences of building your marriage, naiiba yung attention niyo from building a family. Na-e-enjoy niyo lalo ang isa’t isa. Na-re-refocus yung attention niyo sa mas magandang bagay, which is your marriage.

Mike and Gia’s story reminds us that the waiting season is not empty. It is filled with growth, faith, and choices to love deeply even when prayers seem unanswered. For couples still waiting, their journey offers a quiet reassurance: hope does not disappear in delay, and joy can still be found, even before the miracle arrives.

Editor's Note: Quotes have been edited for clarity and brevity.