Before Bianca Gonzalez got married to JC Intal and had their their two kids, both girls, Lucia, 7, and Carmen, 4, the TV host and podcaster enjoyed going on solo trips. So when she was asked by JC about her plans for her 40th birthday, she said she wanted to go to Bhutan, alone—and she did!
But Bianca made sure she prepared well both herself and her daughters for being away from one another for the whole six days of her trip.
"The day we left for the airport," she tells Smart Parenting in an interview during an event, "my panganay was really, like, ‘Mommy…’ Ayaw talaga niya...I just kept talking, explaining to them. I think kasing hirap i-prepare ako at sila for it."
Bianca admits there was a feeling of guilt to leave behind her kids while she pursues her individual journey. But it wasn't as much as what she felt when she was a new mom.
"Siguro I had second kid na, and one year old na 'yung first, when na-realize ko na hindi ako puwedeng nagi-guilty on wanting to do things for myself," she points out. "Kasi it’s not healthy. I really need time for myself."
She adds that having their kids a little older now helps feeling less guilty going on a solo trip to Bhutan. Plus, they would be under the care of her husband. So she was "panatag ang loob" to be away from home for six days and "wasn't as guilty" as she thought she would be.
"We’re so lucky nga na may video call," she says. "You can send photos and videos easily...Na-excite sila for the video of what I saw that day." She recalls telling her panganay, for instance, "Oh, Lucia, I saw this mountain today," and the girl would get excited.
When Bianca got home from her trip past midnight, her daughters were already asleep. She recalls, "The moment they woke up, ando’n na ’ko with them. My bunso said, ‘Mommy, you’re home!’ Super non-stop hug."
Why alone time for moms is important
Bianca clarifies that enjoying alone time need not be just one grand gesture, like a solo trip to a faraway place. She points out, "I think it’s important for every mom to find kung ano ’yung activity na nagpapa-recharge. Sobrang important."
After tucking her kids into bed at 8 p.m., for instance, she then enjoys her me-time: "That’s when I do things for myself. Sa maliit na bagay na ’yun, I feel refreshed. I no longer feel guilty to take time to work out. Tatakbo ako for Pilates. Dati talaga nagi-guilty ako. I learned to rationalize to stay healthy for them and for me."
If you decide to also go on a solo trip, Bianca's advice is to prepare your kids by talking and explaining to them the whats, wheres, and whys. She briefed her daughters like having a pre-production meeting with them. She nods, "Gets ko na kung nabigla sila, magre-react sila."
She says in reflection, "You know what I realized, okay din na our kids know that mommy and daddy can leave for work or leave just to do things for themselves. I realized that’s a good lesson. For them also to realize how to take time for yourself."
Read here on why taking time for yourself is not vanity.
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