Mom Breast Cancer Warrior: “What Will Happen To My Kids?”

Every mother carries the innate worry of leaving her children too soon, a fear that deepens profoundly once faced with a serious illness. How does a mother courageously face her illness while also ensuring that her family is well-prepared to cope with the situation?

Doctor and mom of two, Aliza Garcia found herself confronting this terrifying possibility when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. At 34 years old, Aliza has two sons, Seth who is 15 years old, and Sven who is 5. She’s currently a dermatology resident in training at a government hospital, and her husband of 7 years, John Mark, is also a healthcare professional–a urologist in private practice.

Below, Aliza talks to Smart Parenting about her cancer journey, from the initial diagnosis, treatment, how the illness has affected their family, and a message for recently diagnosed cancer patients.

The cancer diagnosis and treatment

Can you share more about your cancer journey? What was your diagnosis, and when and how did you find out?

Almost exactly a year ago, in March 2023, I was diagnosed with Invasive Breast Carcinoma. I was in my senior (and final) year of dermatology residency training when I decided to ask for one day off to get the lump on my left breast biopsied. I’ve had the lump since 2021, ever since I stopped breastfeeding my youngest, and yearly ultrasound examinations would tell me that the lump was likely just benign. Towards the end of 2022, however, I started feeling like something was off. I would regularly feel the lump and it was noticeably getting bigger and less movable. I also felt very tired all the time and started to have dizzy spells at the gym, so I decided to see a breast surgeon. She advised that we do a biopsy and lo and behold, it turned out to be breast cancer.

A week after my biopsy, my husband gathered my parents, my siblings and my kids at home and he broke the news to me. It was all a blur. I wanted my husband to take back what he just said because I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was only 33. Other than my dizzy spells, I felt healthy. How could it be? What will happen to my kids if something bad happens to me?

Everything happened so fast after that. I found myself sitting on the other side of the doctor’s table. I took a leave from training, got all the needed tests done and within two weeks underwent a total mastectomy of my left breast. They took my entire left breast out, along with 3 lymph nodes to check if the cancer had spread beyond my breast.

Thankfully, it turned out that we caught the cancer early (at stage 1), and my tumor profile and scans showed that I did not require chemotherapy. I was advised hormone therapy for 10 years, which I am taking now, to lower the chances of the cancer coming back.

"When I was diagnosed with cancer, I realized that it wasn’t just my body that was ill. Cancer strikes the mind and the spirit as well and I knew those two parts of myself also needed to heal."-Aliza Garcia

How has your perspective on life changed since your diagnosis?

Cancer was a wakeup call for me. It forced me to think about the end of my life, and to stop living in denial of the fact that my time here [on earth] is finite. I realized that being young is not an excuse to think that you have all the time in the world to delay your joy or take your life for granted. Every single day really is a wonderful gift, a great privilege to enjoy meaningful relationships and experiences.

What were some of the biggest challenges you faced during your treatment, and how did you overcome them?

One of the challenges during my treatment was seeing the changes in my body after the mastectomy. I thought that being a doctor had prepared my mind for the surgery, but turns out, it didn’t prepare me for how it would make me feel. When I saw the huge scar across my chest, it felt like a huge part of me was taken away. I had breastfed my kids for 3 years each, and now that breast is gone. Every time I looked at my body in the mirror, I would see the scar and would feel the grief of losing a version of myself that was meaningful to me.

There was also the challenge of dealing with fear and anxiety. Each of the test results that determine your prognosis and treatment course take days to several weeks to come out, and the waiting is excruciating. During each of the tests and procedures, you find yourself alone with your thoughts, wondering why it’s all happening to you. Being a doctor myself, I couldn’t help but run all the numbers and possibilities in my head. There were moments when I found myself spiraling down mentally and emotionally, but I was blessed to have received a lot of support from my husband and closest friends, who never got tired of listening to me and praying for me, and who also encouraged me to seek professional help. Dr. Tito Almadin, a professional counselor, and Ms. Charity Marohombsar, a cancer and grief coach, helped me process and navigate through my cancer journey. I don’t know how I could have managed without their help.

Communication, support, and recovery

How did you communicate your diagnosis to your family, especially your children?

My kids were there when I found out about my cancer diagnosis. Seth, who was 15, burst into tears. He was worried that I was going to die. We assured him that we would do everything we can to keep that from happening. Sven, who was 4 then, didn’t really understand yet what was going on. We told him that I had a “boo-boo” on my chest and that I needed surgery to take it out. The last thing I wanted was for my kids to be afraid. We felt that making them feel involved in the process would give them a sense of control over things. It also became an opportunity for them to step up, and they stayed by my side to be my bantay at the hospital after my mastectomy and after my reconstructive surgery. In the hospital, my eldest helped me eat and go to the bathroom when his dad needed to leave for several hours to attend to some patients. My youngest never wanted to leave my side, and I saw how careful he was not to accidentally hit or touch the bandaged parts of me. I let them accompany me to some of my clinic visits. We always prayed together as a family, asking and trusting God together for healing.

Did your relationship with your spouse and other family members change during and after your treatment?

I thought that I had already seen the best of my husband when he took care of me after giving birth. But he outdid himself when he took care of me again after my two surgeries, when I just felt so tired, and when the pain hampered me from moving my left arm. I grew an even greater appreciation for his life, and how God has truly blessed me with a faithful partner who, day to day, prayed for me and the kids. I think that one of the best gifts that God has given us in this cancer journey is the opportunity for us to grow in faith together. To together surrender our fears to Him. To together trust in His plans for our lives, and our children’s lives.

Has your illness and subsequent treatment affected your and your family's life? How have you coped?

My diagnosis required me to take a leave from residency training [in the hospital] to undergo mastectomy and reconstructive surgery six months apart. In between and after my surgeries, we decided to move to another home and travel a lot together as a family. Searching for a new home and planning our travels together gave us new things and experiences to look forward to. I started to tick things off our family bucket list – scuba diving, going on a trip to the desert, experiencing snowfall. I realized how blessed I was to be able to do these things with my husband and kids despite my cancer diagnosis. I did my best to stay present every day and that allowed me to see how God had showered my cancer journey with his love and grace. Slowly that turned the grief in my heart to immense gratitude.

"My greatest fear was for my kids to have to grow up without me. I thought that the solution to that fear was to have the surgery done as soon as possible, but when my breast – and the tumor – had been taken out, I realized I still would have to live the rest of my life with the worry that the cancer might come back."

Can you discuss any support systems or resources that were particularly helpful during your journey?

I may have lost an important part of my body when I had cancer, but God replaced that with the love and support from our church community and the Better Days community I met through my cancer coach, Charity. Few months after my diagnosis, I was also serendipitously connected and welcomed so warmly into a group of Breastfriends, an awesome bunch of breast cancer thrivers journeying together, talking about anything under the sun (from scanxiety to sunscreens!). We have a very active group chat and go out on lunch dates where we get to hold a safe space for each other to talk about our cancer highs and lows. The love and support I received from these communities gave me so much comfort and made me realize that I didn’t have to journey alone after all.

Can you share with us your recovery process? Were there any lifestyle changes you made that you believe helped you in your recovery?

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I realized that it wasn’t just my body that was ill. Cancer strikes the mind and the spirit as well and I knew those two parts of myself also needed to heal. I decided to request for a longer rest from residency training to focus on my recovery (which was thankfully granted), and used that time to be able to establish healthier physical habits - getting enough hours of sleep every day, maintaining a regular exercise routine, and making more mindful food choices. I also learned to be tuned in to the signals coming from my body and to respond mindfully. This can be as simple as getting more rest and sleep when I have a headache, or pausing to do deep breathing exercises when I feel my shoulders tensing up a lot. I begin my days in prayer, and am now more selective about the thoughts I allow to linger in my mind.

How do you manage the fear of cancer recurrence?

My greatest fear was for my kids to have to grow up without me. I thought that the solution to that fear was to have the surgery done as soon as possible, but when my breast – and the tumor – had been taken out, I realized I still would have to live the rest of my life with the worry that the cancer might come back. I grieved the loss of the self that never had to think about cancer at all. It took time and constant prayer for me to be able to surrender the fear to God. I realized that as much as I want to take control, it’s only God who is ultimately in full control of my life. I take comfort in knowing that I’m doing my best in terms of treatment. The rest is up to Him. I also realized how much that fear was holding me back from fully experiencing the joy of today, and I just didn’t want to hold on to it anymore.

A new perspective

What has been the most positive outcome of your experience with cancer?

Cancer put my life pursuits in better perspective and made me reassess my priorities. Because of this experience I was able to trim my life down to the basics – to the things that truly matter. I consider myself to be on an extended lease on life, and I’m now more mindful that I don’t waste it on things that don’t align with God’s purpose for my life.

Going back to work as a doctor, and as a cancer survivor, was a full circle moment for me. My experience with cancer allowed me to step in the shoes of my patients. My own journey has become something that allows me to feel exactly how my patients feel - whether it be the heartbreak of a diagnosis or the joy of cure - and helps me allow each of them a little more time, patience and compassion.

What advice would you give to other parents who might be in a similar situation? What message do you want to share with newly diagnosed cancer patients?

Dealing with the diagnosis, the rollercoaster of emotions, the series of tests and procedures, while taking care of the kids can be overwhelming. While it can feel strange to suddenly be the one needing a lot of attention and care, it's important to focus on your physical and mental well-being in this season of your life. I would always remind myself that I need to be in my best health so that I can be more present in the lives of my children. Communicate your needs to your partner or a trusted family member. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Connect with a therapist or a coach if you feel that you need help managing your thoughts and emotions. The battle in cancer is in our minds as much as it is in our bodies. Commit to keeping a positive mindset. Choose your thoughts well as this will greatly impact your quality of life during treatment. No matter what happens, no matter what stage your cancer might be, never stop hoping and praying for the best.

My cancer coach once told me that, “Cancer is never random.” Only we can find the meaning in our cancer journey. This season can be a great opportunity to pause, reflect on our lives, nurture our bodies, and identify our best relationships. It’s possible to still live a meaningful and purposeful life with a cancer diagnosis. Pray relentlessly for strength and the wisdom to be able to use your journey for His greater purpose.

Read here for more breast cancer survival stories from other moms.