Christmas Magic Is Most Often Created By Mothers, And It’s A Friggin' Tiring Job

“Ma’m follow up on your payment.”

“Mommy, did you buy the gift yet?”

“Babe, where did you put the scotch tape?”

“Did you get gifts for their kids?”

The amount of follow-ups and gentle reminders I wake up to each December morning can only be compared to the pile of laundry pouring out of our hamper. It’s less than a week to Christmas but my to-do list isn’t getting shorter, even when I tick some items off. While most of my officemates grunt and console themselves with ‘one last push till the break’, I can only muster half a smile as I hold my tongue.

What break, mothers everywhere ask. When is our Christmas break coming?

There is no yearend break for us, not when we are tasked to be the magic maker of the family. How can we enjoy a one or two-week-long break, when everyone is free and is in search of things to do to make memories? Memories don’t always get made without someone running the show.

As I write this, the pending tasks on my to-do list include publishing two articles a day (one to go, if you count this), completing our Christmas gifts for the extended family, buying my kids’ gifts for each other, getting a day cleaner to help tidy up our place, and of course: what will we eat for noche buena? All this on top of our daily problems of ensuring my kids still have a supply of clean socks and underwear available for the next day.

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Admittedly and thankfully, there are several things my husband shoulders like what we’re cooking for a dinner party we're hosting this week (including grocery shopping, cooking, and rearranging our condo to fit people in) and preparing gifts for other people on our list. However, I recognize that this may not be the case for all two-parent households.

There is no Christmas break for mothers because this is also the season when much is demanded from our role, but rarely does anyone see the work and mental load a mother takes on because we’re all too busy giving love to each other and exchanging gifts with the whole family. We’ll have to wait for Mother’s Day for that.

“Mama, I want to wrap a gift!”

Once I clear off all my deliverables at work, I just dive into another set of things to do–a set covered in glitter and poinsettias.

But before you say a mother’s favorite rebuttal to our venting–’Ginusto mo ‘yan’–I’d like to think that I can speak for many moms when I say, hindi ako nagrereklamo.

I’m not complaining about how much magic I need to make while juggling my other duties. I’m not whining that I have to think of Christmas gifts for my kids’ coaches and tutors.

I’m merely stating that all this ‘Christmas magic’ does not appear out of thin air. If Christmas brings you good memories, someone was making it for you. And she’s probably dead tired.

“Miss, can I follow up on this deliverable?”

This season is extra heavy on mothers who are carefully balance creating memories, keeping the family healthy, navigating extended family dynamics, and social responsibilities, on top of her responsibilities as a homemaker/employee or business owner.

While most just need to power through to get to Christmas day in one piece, for mothers, that’s just when the curtain comes up and the show begins.

In the years I’ve been the family’s chief magic maker, I’ve had to figure out how to get through the season without running myself to the ground. There's ordering in instead of cooking a feast from scratch, declining gatherings if I or my children are not 100% physically, or allowing the home to be in disarray.

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What’s been difficult is finding quiet moments with my own family to slow down and savor the message of the season. And perhaps the pressure to “enjoy them while they’re young”, and “you’ll miss this when they’re older” sometimes can invalidate the weight of the demands on a mom during Christmas.

Christmas season is almost like the mother’s dilemma during the pandemic: While the rest of the world is told to slow down and reflect, a mother’s load doubles because she is often running the show at home. Except it doesn't happen every hundred years, it happens every 12 months.

We know we need to "slow down and enjoy the season”, but how can we when the inner workings of the Christmas magic just won’t sparkle without our wands?

So please, if there’s a mom in your home or a family member who makes Christmas memorable for you, give her space. Let her breathe and carry the load for a moment, if you can. Because after our quick breaks, we’ll happily return to working the magic all for the love of our families. With a full smile.

Ronna Capili Bonifacio is a mom of three and editor-in-chief of Smart Parenting.