The following story came straight from the first-ever Smart Parenting daddy editor-at-large, and the man behind the DadbudPH Facebook community, with over 41,000 member dads as of writing.
Smart Parenting's advocacy, now more than ever, is to include dads in parenting conversations. We want to provide a judgment-free space where dads can voice out their unique points of view, whether majority agrees or not. Smart Parenting remains a platform that's pro-parents, and that includes dads.
Have you ever felt like you just want to give up? Yung talagang ayaw mo na? Parang walang pinupuntahan ang lahat ng ginagawa mo? Deep inside we all feel this way because we are only human and no matter how much we try to be the superhero that we aspire to be, we have low days and instances when we have to tell ourselves na “kapit lang”.
When I became a Dad, na realize ko na this is it, I have a son now na kailangan ko alagaan at mahalin. May misis ako na kailangan ko intindihin at unawain. May bago na kong pamilya na kailangan pakisamahan.
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Commitment talaga ang life stage na ito kaya pag pinasok mo, kailangan all in ka. Pero minsan may pagdadaanan tayo na pagsubok na talagang mapapa-hinga ka nalang ng malalaim nalang pero dahil tatay ka na, aba keep calm and carry on lang dapat.
It’s a recurring discussion in every parenting community and even in my Dadbud PH group, mental health is a concern. Minsan may mga dads na tila malapit nang sumuko. Here are some issues that Dads need to be open to discuss in order for us to fully understand. Kumbaga, ilabas na ang mga mabigat na bagay na nasa isip natin lahat. #RealTalk lang guys.
5 Issues Dads Face Today
1. Financial issues
Ito na siguro ang pinaka common at talagang pinagdadaanan natin lahat ngayon. Mahal na gasolina, mahal na bilihin and yes, inflation is real. Ito ang parating nasa isip natin sa araw-araw. ‘Pag gising palang sa umaga siguro ay iniisip mo na ang gastusin at mga bayarin. Hassle diba?
Utang na ilang taon mo nang binabayaran. Trabaho na nanganganib. Sideline na hindi natuloy. Napaka daming kaganapan na talagang nagpapabigat sa ating isipan. Madami sa atin ang kailangan ng tulong financially dahil madami ang apektado sa pandemic kaya kailangan talaga natin maging mas wais sa mga panahon ngayon.
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Kailangan itong pagusapan sa bahay para magkaron ng unawaan sa mga gastusin. Financial problems are finite things but your mental health is not, kaya make sure to weigh the more important one.
When the pandemic started, I also lost my job and had to close down our company, this happened a few months after our baby was born, imagine that? I sat down with my wife and we decided to really scale down and simplify. Jobless, but I wasn’t hopeless dahil may pamilya na ko and this pushed me to work even harder.
'Look at your kids, if they are healthy and happy, then goods na yun.'
Now that things are going back to normal, we are still living simple. Live within our means and saving up for the unexpected. Kayang paghirapan kitain ang pera pero ang kalusugan at mental health hinde. #Kapitlang
2. Unappreciated
Drama lang ba or baka totoong may hugot? Minsan talagang nararamdaman din natin mga dads ito dahil tao lang naman din tayo. Ang malaking problema minsan ay yung pag kimkim sa sama ng loob. Yung maliit na bagay lumalaki at naiipon tapos next thing you know, ayan sasabog na at nagkakagulo na kayo sa bahay.
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It’s always better to put out the fire before grows big and gets out of control. Again, open conversation and talking to your partner and family about issues is very important. Malalaki na tayo, walang bagay na hindi na kaya daanin sa matinong usapan.
And here is my own personal message to all dads out there who feel unappreciated: if you know that your are trying and doing your best, then that is good enough. You are the best when you try even if you don’t get that pat on the back. Look at your kids, if they are healthy and happy, then goods na yun.
'Minsan tayo din ang nagpapalabas sa toyo ni misis... Good vibes lang dapat sa bahay.'
3. Sexy time? Ano 'yun?
Let’s face it, dati nung mag jowa palang tayo sa misis natin, kahit saan abutan, game time. Tapos akala mo ‘pag kasal na kayo lalo pa siyang dadalas.
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Haha well, reality bites, iba na ‘pag may anak. Minsan iniisip mo na ayaw mo na dahil hindi mo na nakukuha yung gusto mo or malaki na ang pagkukulang. May kalabit pero gising pa si baby tapos by the time na tulog na siya ay lumipas na ang lumiliyab na feeling.
Agree ba kayo dito? Sabi nga nila, pag gusto may paraan at pag ayaw may dahilan. Sex is a very important factor in a relationship and this is something that we all need to value. Ingat lang at baka masundan si baby.
4. Topak mo vs. toyo ni misis
‘Wag na tayo mag dahilan dahil naniniwala ako na totoo ‘to. Nobody is perfect and whoever your partner is now and also whoever you are now is a result of how you are with one another.
'There is no room for pride when it comes to the welfare of our family.'
Minsan tayo din ang nagpapalabas sa toyo ni misis. Importante na may unawaan at maganda ang samahan. Good vibes lang dapat sa bahay. Iwasan ang mga toxic na usapan, 'yung mga bagay na alam mo naman na pupunta sa hindi magandang direksyon. Pag napansin mo na papunta na sa toxic, go back to number 3. That might help with the situation. Enjoy!
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5. Lost and confused
Being a new parent is a challenge and sometimes we feel that everything that we do is wrong. There is no handbook or instructions manual to being a good dad or parent. This is super common and actually. This is the reason why I formed my Dadbud community and also why established communities like Smart Parenting Village exist.
Don’t be shy to ask for help; always remember that there is no judgment if you ask for advice. Remember that groups exist to help out and those with more experience will always be a good guide. You never fail for trying and the more you practice changing diapers or doing the tightest swaddle, the better you will be.
RELATED: 10 Things New Dads Can Do As You Enter Fatherhood
Remember the first time you held your baby at talagang takot na takot ka tapos ngayon kayang kaya na with just one hand. That’s parenting right there, just enjoy. It is such a wonderful journey and learning is part of it.
When those days happen and you are down and out, always remind yourself of the joy of being a parent and a husband. Focus your energy on making every day good and making sure that everyone is safe.
Yes, the struggle is real but we have so much more to live for now that we are parents. To wake up every day with our children smiling at us. Yung kababawan ng pagiging comedy na ama. It is our role to keep everyone safe and this means keeping ourselves safe as well.
Hindi man madali, pero kailangan natin kayanin. Open up, speak up and talk to your family. Never keep a bad feeling inside for so long. There is no room for pride when it comes to the welfare of our family.
Remember that we are all in this together in building a happy and healthy parenting community. Walang susuko dahil sama sama tayo.
MORE READS FROM JOEY ONG:
- This Dad Explains How Being A Great Father Starts By Being A Better Husband
- Smart Parenting's First-Ever Daddy Editor At Large Joey Ong Gives Voice To Pinoy Dads
- Usapang Tatay: Malikot Is An Understatement! Hacks Para Makakain Ng Maayos Sa Labas Kasama Nang Toddler
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