Back to Zero at 42: The Anxieties of Late Fatherhood

A dad anticipates his the arrival of his 'surprise' second-born child.

Published on Jun 14, 2025

Artwork by Alexa Manalang | Photos courtesy of Omar Glenn D. Bello

My paternal grandfather passed away at 57. My father left this Earth a little earlier at 48. I’m about to be a dad again at 42.

It’s not the best thing to think about, especially for something as joyous as the blessing of having another baby. But to be completely honest, I’m terrified.

I find myself struggling to sleep most nights. My blood pressure, something I’ve been told to monitor regularly, has been higher than usual ever since the start of the year when we found out about the surprise pregnancy. On three separate occasions while driving alone, I’ve shed tears, most recently on the day we’re scheduled to find out the gender of our coming baby.

Fear factor

I could say a couple of reasons, but everything boils down to fear. Not that I’m afraid of having a child, but I’m scared to bring a new baby into my world at this point of my life because of a few things.

There are reasons why DINK (Dual Income, No Kids) couples are gaining global popularity these days. Financial stability in such unstable economic times, for one. Raising kids are getting costly, too. Sure, may budget hacks naman and all, but fear creeps in again. You want to make sure you give the best for your kids to have a better future, and it will cost you, lalo dito sa ‘Pinas.

Kaya nga, having baby number 2 is scaring me, lalo na in this age of AI. My line of work is not immune to the potentially detrimental effects AI could bring to my livelihood. It’s a natural fear bosses and higher-ups in different companies have long tried to downplay. But witnessing what emerging tools can do in such a short span, parang kakabahan ka na rin talaga eh.

Still, such fears are solvable. We’re known to be resilient. Sabi nga, marunong tayong mamaluktot kapag umikli ang kumot—the classic Filipino trait called diskarte. I see it in my wife and how we’ve somehow addressed the waves of challenges we’ve faced in raising our family of 3. Yet something deeper is bugging me, I guess, that keeps me up late as we count the days until we become a party of 4.

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Photo by Bryan Fuentes.

Older dad, bigger worries

Let’s start with the physical aspect. There’s the knee pain and back aches that my 40-something body will have to endure in the baby and toddler stages. There are also the perils of sleep deprivation that come with taking care of a newborn, while also driving my teenage boy early to school, apart from my actual work. Then again, kaya nga may Salon Pas, Omega, Berocca, kape, and other remedies. The riskier concerns that get me all anxious about being a father again at 42 are more genetically related.

As mentioned, my father and his father before him never hit 60. If I’m blessed to reach senior citizenship with good health and still strong joints, I will still have a child to get through college. Malayo pa yun, my relatives tell me and say I’m overthinking things. Overthinker na kung overthinker, but it’s a thought that’s hard to discard, lalo pang na-amplify with my bunso on the way.

Then, there’s the mental side that drills this fear further into the depths of my soul. I’m far from a perfect father to my now 13-year-old son. Honestly speaking, I’m not sure I’m the kind of father he needs. My temper gets in the way of my intentions, sabihin na lang nating ganun. I often forget I’m dealing with a boy who just entered puberty. I don’t even remember the mistakes I made when I was 13, yet I recall I have never been treated the same way I do my boy today.

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For that, I feel shame, I feel the need to change and take the necessary steps to be the father my son and his soon-to-be sibling deserve. Yet I also feel fear. This will be a life-long struggle for me. I have my demons, my trauma I’m dealing with, and for sure, I’ll do the best I can to win in this daily battle. But I fear there will be days I will lose, na I might cause emotional harm to my children, and that’s such a crippling thought for me.

The kind of father I am now—fiscally, physically, genetically, and emotionally—is basically what’s keeping me back from fully embracing the coming of my new baby joyfully and fearlessly. Ito yung midlife crisis ko, I guess. There’s always that creeping thought that I won’t be good enough or even live long enough to be the father my children need.

The author and his family had a gender reveal party for their surprise second-born.

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The soon-to-be Belo family of four.

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Husband and wife reaction to the gender reveal of their baby girl.

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Going from mom of one to mom of two.

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The far side of fear

That last line got me choked up a bit again. I felt a little shortness of breath, some tightness in my chest. But thankfully, may quick remedy ako that made me feel better, calmer.

On my left, in my corner of the living room I call my office, I have a little pink dress handy, the dress my sister-in-law used to reveal the gender of our latest addition to the family. I hugged it close to my chest, eyes closed, imagining the day I have my baby girl in my arms.

Parenting can be a scary ride, more so if you’re going for another round in your 40s. But whatever fears I have entering this next phase of fatherhood—my father of 2, girl dad era—I know I must face head on, laban lang. It will all be worth it, lalo on the day na may mag-tanong sa akin sa college graduation ng bunso ko kung apo ko ang graduate. Picture me laughing my heart out then.

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The author poses for a selfie after their family's gender reveal party for their second child. | Photo from Omar Belo.

*Editor's note: Quotes have been edited for clarity and brevity.

Father to a teenage son and soon-to-be girl dad, husband to a beautiful wife, and a storyteller since birth, Omar was formerly the managing editor of sports website Spin.ph. In his past life, he began writing professionally in ancient artifacts called magazines.