Grades Don't Show Your Child's Full Potential, Says Life Coach

TW: self-harm, suicide

‘Graded po ba?’

This question is often heard from students when teachers try to introduce an activity or task—as if the quality of effort would depend on whether there’s an equivalent final number attached to the activity or not. Being asked about your GWA (general weighted average) when job hunting is proof of the obsession over numbers. GWA is used to evaluate students' overall scholastic standing.

We wear good grades with pride, like a badge—and it does feel invigorating, but have we ever tried to pause and ponder, is it what we truly care about?

Hidden burden: grades become the focal point

Ivy Marquez, both a life coach and a homeschool coach, an educator who recently graduated with a diploma in Early Education from Helsinki Teaching Program, touches on “the curse of grade slavery” through a post. Fondly called Coach Ivy, she points out how parents obsess over numbers and how one number on the report card can either make us or break us.

This reminds me of a story I read from an Opinion column of Inquirer.net written by esteemed historian Ambeth Ocampo. “I was shocked when an overperforming student’s mother requested my signature on a form for dropping the course a few weeks before the end of the term. I couldn’t understand this because the student could not fail, even with an “F” in a unit test a few days later. The mother explained her child was not prepared for the unit test, but would not take a grade lower than an “A.” By withdrawing, the student would have to repeat the course, so I scolded the mother as I signed the form, saying, 'I will sign as you want me to, but I am telling you, this isn’t the way to raise a child. Believe me, a child that never fails in school is not equipped for life in the real world,'" he wrote.

"The number doesn’t explain where we struggled, what concepts we didn’t understand, how hard we worked to get there, how well the material was taught, what’s going on in our personal lives, or how we handle stress in the moment.” -Coach Ivy Marquez

Have we really reached a point where we have become more focused on grades rather than real, actual learning?

Coach Ivy gives an example—it's like getting a grade of 75 in Math. She asks, “If we stop and think about it, does it really show what we’ve learned? The number doesn’t explain where we struggled, what concepts we didn’t understand, how hard we worked to get there, how well the material was taught, what’s going on in our personal lives, or how we handle stress in the moment.” She continues, “A 75 in math gives a narrow snapshot that doesn’t really help us figure out where to go from there. Maybe it’s not about whether we’re bad at math but rather a reflection of other things.”

Read Also: 'Kamustahin Ang Anak Bago Ang Grades' Mom's Parenting Reminder Goes Viral

In an article by Natania Peh entitled, “Why is Grade Obsession Dangerous?,” Peh argues that students are often shaped to conform to a system that promotes deference and risk-avoidance. While grades serve as a motivation to excel, they can also hinder learning, as many students feel disheartened by low scores, limiting their willingness to engage and explore. She writes, “We constantly think about what the rubrics say, what the teacher wants, and we always have a constant fear that our work does not meet the grade boundaries set. By limiting the domain of our research, we restrict our own learning by inhibiting our thought process and natural exploration of a topic.”

"Several factors contribute to the rise in schoolchildren suicides, including academic pressure to excel in both their studies and extracurricular activities." -PIA

The price of perfection

According to the Philippine Information Agency (PIA), during a Senate hearing of the Committee on Basic Education on January 31, 2023, then Assistant Education Secretary Dexter Galban shared alarming statistics from the Department of Education (DepEd), revealing that 404 students took their life and 2,147 attempted suicide during the 2021-2022 academic year. Several factors contribute to the rise in schoolchildren suicides, including academic pressure to excel in both their studies and extracurricular activities.

Additionally, according to MentalHealthPH, in 2019, Southeast Asian countries experienced a rise in youth suicide rates, making it one of the leading causes of death among individuals aged 15 to 29—risk factors are attributed to pressure in academics, low self-esteem, and pressures of conforming to society, to name a few.

When grades do not show the child’s full potential

When my kids started to bring home medals, it was easy to get lost in the magic of those moments. My daughter, seeing how happy I was, made a decision for herself that this academic year, she’ll aim for a higher spot on the Top 10. I hope my joy didn’t pressure her to get even better grades simply for the sake of making me happy.

I hope she doesn’t lose sight of the end goal of education—learning, understanding, and applying the concepts she learned. I hope she won't focus on grades for the sake of ‘just getting the grade.’

Read Also: Don't Let Bad Grades Define Your Child. How You Can Help Them

Coach Ivy writes, “The truth is, grades don’t paint the full picture of their understanding, their effort, or their potential. Learning—real learning—is so much more than that.”

“The goal of education should be more than just passing a test—it should be about preparing students for the real world." - Coach Ivy Marquez

According to Coach Ivy, a grade of 75 won’t show whether a child is honest and not taking shortcuts, or is patient to keep on trying to solve a problem, if he is patient with his classmates, or he tries to finish his homework till the end. “These are the things that will matter in the future,” Coach Ivy explains.

Meanwhile, “The goal of education should be more than just passing a test—it should be about preparing students for the real world. And the real world doesn’t reward shortcuts or memorization; it rewards effort, creativity, and the ability to think critically and solve problems,” says Coach Ivy in her article, ‘How do you really measure learning?’

Aim for academic excellence (and all that comes with it)

In a third-world country like ours where most parents probably have nothing else to pass on to their kids except quality education—the urge to be the best of the best is highly understandable. But we can’t lose our children to the belief that their competency can only be measured by a number. Grit, resilience, perseverance, curiosity, teamplay, and emotional intelligence are values and competencies that are hardly marked by a grade.

We cannot undermine the importance of studying well because with it comes discipline, organization, time management, and accountability, but making grades the sole reason of their academic experience might make them lose the real meaning of why they’re studying in the first place. When kids naturally develop a love for learning, their mind opens up to a hundred possibilities and their willingness to think outside the box or to become better learners doesn’t feel forced.

“As parents, we have the chance to shift the narrative. Instead of emphasizing grades, let’s focus on helping our kids build skills and attitudes that will serve them for life. Let’s encourage them to develop a love of learning, to be curious, to ask questions, and to think critically. Let’s teach them that effort matters more than perfection, and that resilience—getting back up after a setback—is what truly defines success… Let’s encourage them to keep trying when things get tough, to be kind to others, and to learn how to manage their time and emotions. These are the qualities that will help them succeed in life, not just in school,” Coach Ivy concludes.

Coach Ivy Marquez hosts Teaching Moms, a page dedicated for parents and kids that provide homeschooling, marriage, and parenting tips!  

Want more stories on going easy with academic pressure? Find out what this educator says.