Toddler Masturbation Happens! 5 Signs When You Need To Worry

Fact-Checked by Ronna Capili Bonifacio

This article was published on April 18, 2021, and updated on March 28, 2024.

Most of us are not comfortable when talking about sex. It could be for religious, cultural, or generational reasons. But the bottom line is many of us would rather not discuss sexual concerns with others, especially when they involve our children.

For example, when some parents see their young children touching themselves, they are horrified. They worry about what it means, what should be done, and something wrong with their son or daughter.

Many moms and dads will keep quiet rather than seek advice for fear of having people judge their child. Some end up shouting or punishing their children, hoping it will stop them from repeating the behavior.

Early masturbation

To help answer our questions on masturbation among young children, I called on the help of Dr. Sylvia Estrada, a pediatric endocrinologist. She cited Nancy Kellog’s “Clinical Report: Evaluation of Sexual Behaviors in Children” as her primary reference.

Dr. Estrada emphasizes, “Masturbation is the scientific term for self-stimulation. Among toddlers, it is NOT a sexual activity.”

Parents often wonder when self-stimulation starts. Dr. Estrada replies, “Many times, it is a behavior that is accidentally ‘discovered’ by a young child as he studies his body.”

“In adolescence, masturbation is an act that is associated with sexual fantasy or pleasure," she clarifies.

READ ALSO: Sex Talk On Your Tween's Messenger? Experts Say Parents Should Never React This Way

Kids touch themselves out of curiosity about their bodies

Children are curious by nature, and something they love to learn about is their bodies. It’s common for 2 to 6-year-olds to do the following, Dr. Estrada enumerates:

• Viewing or touching the genitals of a new sibling or peer
• Showing their genitals to playmates
• Trying to view adult nudity.
• Standing or sitting too close to a peer.

We shouldn’t worry too much about these actions because Dr. Estrada assures us, the kids will outgrow them eventually. Dr. Estrada says, “These are transient behaviors and are reported to occur less in between the 6-12 year old bracket.”

Masturbation among young children is not a rare occurrence. Dr. Estrada points out, “Literature cites that it occurs in about 50% of children below the age of 13 and is more commonly reported as part of normal sexual behavior among 2-6 year old children. It is usually part of a child’s curiosity of his own body.”

But it is “a transient behavior among the 2-6 years old age bracket.” It could take a bit longer for them to outgrow, depending on the family environment, such as “the exposure to nudity or adult sexual behavior (TV, magazines), stressors or absence of adult supervision.”

Dr. Estrada adds, “Children living with older siblings become more curious with their own bodies when they see the naked bodies of older siblings looking different from their own.”

READ ALSO: Practical Guide For Teaching Your Kids About Sex: Loving Your Own Body And Crushes

What to do if you catch your child doing self-stimulation

Dr. Estrada shares rules to remember when you see your children engaged in self-touching:

• Do not embarrass your child.
• Observe the duration of the activity. When masturbation is prolonged or repetitive, one can approach the child and gently redirect his/her attention to another activity.
• Suppose the child cannot be persuaded to do something else or gets angry when distracted from the activity. In that case, the parent may probe by gently asking questions like, “Is your vagina or penis itchy or ‘owie’?” or, “Are your underpants too tight?”

When should parents worry? Dr. Estrada identifies these as the red flags:

• When masturbation is associated with aggressive behavior.
• If the child seems to simulate the adult sexual act.
• When there is pain.
• If the child refuses to be redirected to another activity.
• When self-stimulation is a regular and frequent behavior.

“When the masturbation is persistent and associated with red flags, this child may need to be evaluated by a behavior specialist or child psychiatrist to evaluate for possible underlying causes.” Dr. Estrada advises.

Some parents think that self-stimulating in childhood may be an indicator of sexual behavior in adulthood.

Dr. Estrada responds, “Masturbation is an innocent behavior in children and is not associated with future deviant sexual behavior, provided the child’s parents or caregivers are able to address this issue appropriately.”

We can help children who are curious about their bodies by sharing children’s picture books on the topic or talking to them in very straightforward and easy-to-understand ways. (Books like Ako Ay May Kiki and Ako Ay May Titi can help.)

Other ways to assist them redirect their attention, watching out for any red flags and finding them the proper support when needed.

We must remember that young children have no malicious intent, and we need to help them feel safe, so they can grow into well-adjusted adults.

Frequently asked questions about toddler masturbation

1. Is childhood masturbation a sign of trauma or abuse?

Childhood masturbation is often misunderstood but is considered a normal part of sexual exploration and development by experts. Research and professional opinions emphasize that it is not typically indicative of trauma or abuse. Instead, it is viewed as a natural behavior through which children explore their bodies.

While parents should be vigilant for other signs of distress or behavioral changes, they are encouraged to approach the topic with accurate information and support. Consulting with pediatricians or child psychologists can help differentiate between normal behavior and potential indicators of underlying issues, ensuring appropriate support and guidance for children's healthy development.

2. Are there any long-term effects of toddler masturbation on a child's sexual development?

Available research indicates that toddler masturbation typically does not have long-term negative effects on sexual development or mental health. Studies suggest that open communication and education about sexuality can contribute to healthy attitudes later in life. While individual experiences and cultural factors may influence perceptions, providing children with support and accurate information is key to fostering positive sexual development.

3. How can parents support children who exhibit curiosity about sexuality in a conservative cultural context?

Parents can help kids understand sex by talking openly, following their culture's rules, teaching them what's right for their age, and getting help from people they trust. By being careful and giving true facts, parents can teach kids to have good feelings about sex while still respecting their culture.

Barbara Server-Veloso is known as Teacher Thumby in her preschool, Toddlers Unlimited, and Ms. Thumby in her grade school, Thinkers Unlimited, Alabang. She is a member of the Smart Parenting Board of Experts. She is also a partner in Spark Discovery Center in Jupiter Street, Makati, where she teaches the Baby and Me Class. Teacher Thumby has a Master’s degree from the University of the Philippines in Family Life and Child Development. She has been teaching since 1993. She is also the mother of Lucas and Verena.

Is it okay for your kids to see you naked? Read what experts say here.