Angelica Panganiban, Gregg Homan, and Amila Sabine Homan for Smart Parenting October 2023
Angelica Panganiban arrived at the B&B Studios in Quezon City at 3 o'clock on a Friday afternoon, ahead of her fiance, Gregg Homan and their daughter, Amila Sabine. Bean was still sleeping in the car, she told the Smart Parenting team. They didn't have anyone else with them, so it was either Daddy Gregg or Mommy Angelica taking turns to attend to Bean.
Donning a casual, laid-back athleisure attire, the 36-year-old actress who made us laugh, cry, and even get angry through the diverse roles she played on screen since she was six years old, was a sight to behold. She didn't ask for an elaborate meal, but her eyes lit up when she was offered siomai for an afternoon snack.
'Pinaka importanteng papel ng buhay ko'
Angelica first announced her pregnancy in March 2022, saying, motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened to her life.
"Nung nagkakilala kami ni Gregg, nag-swak kami, lagi na namin pinaguusapan magkaroon ng baby, like gaano niya kagusto ng kids, and same with me, mahilig ako sa bata," she tells Smart Parenting. "Pero iba pala 'no? 'Pag hilig mo 'yung bata, pwede ka nang umuwi 'pag pagod ka na. 'Pag may anak ka na, (laughs), wala, sa'yo lang yun!"
Before Angelica and I sat down to talk, she became teary-eyed talking about motherhood. She is not one to mask her feelings, and she has come to learn this as a mother. Becoming a parent is not easy even for an award-winning actress like her. Keeping herself in check and being honest with her feelings help her overcome, she says.
"Kapag malungkot ako, I'm so open about it, and lagi ko siya dini-discuss sa partner ko kasi sinasama ko siya sa journey. Gusto ko alam niya kung ano 'yung pinagdadaanan ko. Ayoko 'yung isang araw, sumabog nalang ako," she confesses.
While the struggles of being a first-time mom sometimes get the best of her, she compares her current state to a roller coaster ride, "Minsan happy, minsan sad. Minsan nakakatulala, but most of the time, happy, of course. Kumpleto, fulfilled naman ang heart, satisfied naman."
'Bean' waiting for you
While Angelica was being made up, Gregg arrived with a happy Bean in tow, and the entire content house broke into "Awws" with her smiles and giggles. At the time of the shoot, Gregg said she was in her walking and "I-will-put-everything-in-my-mouth" stage.
Gregg patiently followed Bean wherever she went, letting his adorable daughter with gray eyes and brown hair, take the lead. She was in playful mode until she felt a pang of hunger, so it was time to take her to Mommy, the owner of her beloved 'abu' or boob. Gregg then willingly brought her to the makeup room, and it was time for him to drink his Americano before it gets cold.
Angelica had her solo photos taken first, and she looked like a goddess. It took us back to her maternity photoshoot, produced by Gregg, shot on a yacht in Subic.
The production team was playing '90s music, and Angelica couldn't help but dance and jam when the Destiny's Child's Bootylicious played.
"I don't think you're ready for this jelly
I don't think you're ready for this
'Cause my body too bootylicious for ya, babe."
Angelica was having so much fun, and a year into motherhood, she looked like she's got it all figured out. But like most moms, it was a far cry from her first few days as a mother.
A 'shocking' breastfeeding journey
Probably one of the hardest parts of motherhood that Angelica hoped she had prepared better for was breastfeeding. If there's one word she could use to describe her breastfeeding journey, without batting an eyelash, she said, it's shocking.
"Nung ginawa ko siya, wala akong idea about breastfeeding. Ang buong akala ko, pagkapanganak mo, lalabas 'yung baby mo, ilalagay mo siya sa dede mo, then that's it! Nakakain na 'yung bata! Akala ko ganun siya, hindi pala. Ibang dimension pala siya!" she shares.
She experienced engorgement, wherein her breasts were painful and swollen she couldn't even keep her arms down. Angelica admits, she didn't prepare herself enough for breastfeeding, and so she had a hard time following the advice given to her.
"Parang oo ka lang ng oo sa mga tao. Nung mag-isa nalang ako, gulong-gulo na ako. Nung fourth day, nag-usap na kami ni Gregg na hindi ko kayang magpadede," she recounts.
At the time, she had already given up on breastfeeding, saying that perhaps Bean would be okay because both she and Gregg were not breastfed as babies. But it was Gregg who asked her to give it one last try. They hired a lactation nurse, and took the lessons to heart. She made sure to take videos that she could review afterwards.
"Kapag partner mo iba yung image ng boobs sa inyo. This is part of romance, bakit ngayon, pinipiga nalang nya yung dede ko, as in nag-iigib kami!" —Angelica Panganiban, on breastfeeding
She would also call her friends who breastfed their kids and ask them how they managed to do it. A common response she would get was to hang on and wait. "Sabi nila, maaga pa kasi sa'yo, bagong panganak ka palang, hintayin mo mga one month, mangangalyo naman 'yung nipples mo."
"Di ko matanggap yung kalyo. Kalyo?! Bakit magkakakalyo 'yung nipples ko?!" she stressed.
Angelica said she was just waiting for her doctors to tell her that she can stop nursing, but no one did. She couldn't help but feel alone and unsupported. Until one day, her nipples bled. She then turned to exclusive pumping and resorted to hand express just to feed Bean for a month. Turns out, hand expression and pumping weren't easy either.
"Kapag partner mo, iba 'yung image ng boobs sa inyo. This is part of romance! Bakit ngayon, pinipiga nalang niya yung dede ko, as in nag-iigib kami, naka-[pila] yung mga bote, as in igib!" she candidly shares.
Little did she know, she was getting closer and closer to success. Like a movie script that she would memorize, Angelica said, "Inaral ko lang, hindi ako nahiyang magtanong sa mga moms."
Until one day, she felt the urge to try letting Bean latch on her breasts again. "Nilakasan ko 'yung loob ko. Then, um-okay. May konting pain na tolerable, tapos nag-dire-diretso na. Hanggang sa nagulat nalang ako, hanggang ngayon ginagawa ko pa din."
Dede-cation of a mother
Back at the studio, Bean and Gregg were called in to pose with Angelica. Bean wore a white frock for her first-ever digital cover shoot. Instantly, Bean became the center of attention, and to keep her eyes fixed on the camera, everyone on the set went on singing the nursery rhyme, Skidamarink. She was overjoyed.
For Gregg, who Angelica teased as having officially entered his celebrity era, his commitment to his family was evident. One can see in Angelica's eyes how happy and grateful she is for her partner, her family, living in the moment, and taking it all in.
Upon seeing Angelica, Bean starts to grip her top. We all know what she means!
The moment Angelica showed Bean her abu, she dropped the photoshoot prop and latched on. It was indeed a touching moment for Angelica, who thought of quitting breastfeeding at day 4, yet cannot see herself weaning Bean anytime soon.
Angelica has indeed come a long way as a padede mom. On social media, she has become an advocate of normalizing breastfeeding anywhere by sharing her "strike anywhere" posts—may it be sitting on Bean's stroller at a park in Taiwan, or with the Sydney Opera House as the backdrop.
Despite new projects and their wedding coming up, Angelica said she doesn't plan to stop breastfeeding Bean anytime soon. "Sobrang sarap naman ng bonding namin, na 'pag nakikita niya 'yung boobs ko, sumisigaw siya! Parang ito yung pinakamagandang bagay na pwede kong ipakita. Talagang 'yung happiness niya, iba."
"Parang feeling ko naging selyado 'yung pagiging ina ko nung nagpapadede na ako." —Angelica Panganiban
But like in any movie, there's always a plot twist. Angelica had a hip injury recently that required her to take medications that are not safe for lactating moms. She had no choice but to go cold turkey on Bean. She thought it would be the end of their breastfeeding journey, but it was Bean who fought for it this time.
"Nag-hunger strike si Bean, nag-protest siya. Ayaw niya talaga [ng formula], hinahagis niya 'yung bote!" she shares.
"After 5 days," Angelica gestured, "Tentenenen, I'm back!"
As a mom, it pained her to think that her daughter couldn't sleep straight at night because she couldn't offer her boob. Bean also lost a few pounds.
"Nag-decide ako mag-drive to Manila, ipakita sa pedia niya, 'May mali dito, Doc.' Tinigil ko na 'yung gamot, so ngayon, 'di na ko nagpa-power through sa breastfeeding, power through nalang ako sa hip injury ko, hoping na, mawawala din ito," she said.
For Angelica, breastfeeding is a sacrifice she's willing to give because it's a calling. "Parang feeling ko naging selyado 'yung pagiging ina ko nung nagpapadede na ako. Hindi lang siya pag-aalaga, o imo-mold mo 'yung taong 'to. Doon, parang nakumpleto 'yung package nung nagpadede ako."
Raising Amila Sabine
Amila Sabine was named after Angelica's late adoptive mother, Melania David Panganiban. As the photographers took their family photos, the entire staff was singing, "I love you in the morning, and in the afternoon... I love you in the evening, and underneath the moon, oh!" This would send Bean clapping her hands and giggling happily.
Bean turned one last September 20, and if there's one thing Angelica hopes she could do, it's to put her life on pause. She wants to savor the moment. "Nabibilisan ako sa one year na 'yun. Gusto ko nang mag-slow down."
She continued, "Totoo lahat ng sinabi sa akin, na kahit gaano siya kahirap, sobrang sarap nung kapalit niya. May kapalit lahat ng hirap."
When asked about the values she and Gregg would like to instill in Bean, they want Bean to be able to live her life on her own terms. "Ayaw namin na maging entitled yung bata. Sa mundo ngayon ng social media, doon kami kinakabahan kasi pinasok namin 'yung mundong 'yun. But we're ready na, 'pag sinabi niya na hindi ito 'yung gusto niya, we will drop everything. Siya masusunod. Life niya 'yun, decision niya 'yun."
She adds, "But ngayon na wala pa siyang kayang sabihin—very careful lang kami sa privacy na kaagapay nitong lahat ng pinasok namin."
Contrary to her kontrabida roles, more than anything, she strives to be a good role model to Bean, and it seems like this one's harder than anything, even breastfeeding. "Lagi ako naka-check sa self ko, kasi kailangan ko maging kind. Sabi nga nila, kung influencer ka, influencer ka ng madlang people. Pero kung nanay ka na, influencer ka ng isang tao. Kailangang nandun yung focus mo, so kailangan kong maging mabuting tao. 'Di siya madali ah! Minsan gusto mo nalang pumitik, eh!"
Raising Angelica
Before Angelica and I sat down to talk, she got a little teary-eyed when we told her we published an open letter for her, at a time when she felt really low. For context, in a recent Instagram story, Angelica showed vulnerability when she revealed how she felt invisible and forgotten by her friends. Visits in their home would be all about Bean and not her. For her, it was a necessary release of her emotions, but it also became a spark for moms to finally speak up about the feeling of isolation due to motherhood that no one talks about.
"Alamin mo kung ano 'tong papasukin mo, and okay lang kung hindi mo talaga siya kaya, o hindi mo siya gusto. Lagi mong uunahin 'yung sarili mo." —Angelica Panganiban
Self-care for Angelica means spending time with herself—may it be to work out, do yoga or pilates, have her nails done, or get a massage. These little things remind her that she may be a mom, but she's never losing sight of who she was before Bean came along. As hands-on to Bean as they hope to be, self-care for Angelica and Gregg also means asking for help. They employed a stay-out helper who can take care of Bean during the day so they can attend to their own needs, too.
Message to mothers
Clearly, Angelica is taking motherhood step by step, one struggle after the other, and she is not rushing to get to the ending. In her first year as a mother, she learned that although there are going to be hiccups along the way, come hell or high water, she will find her way through it.
She tells moms-to-be not to emulate her being a know-it-all, but to humble themselves, ask questions, and admit to themselves that you cannot do everything by yourself, and you could use some help from the village that will help you raise your child.
"Ang nangyari sa akin, feeling ko ang yabang ko noon, parang, 'Alam ko na yan!' 'Wag kang ganun. Ayusin mo, magtanong ka," she emphasized. "Alam mo, noong buntis ako August last year, ang daming lumalabas sa algorithm ko about breastfeeding. Wala akong binasa ni isang article! Akala ko talaga easy-peasy, but no," she said.
She stressed, "If you're expecting, aralin mo siya, bigyan mo siya ng time. Budgetan mo siya. Alamin mo kung ano 'tong papasukin mo, and okay lang kung hindi mo talaga siya kaya, o hindi mo siya gusto. Lagi mong uunahin 'yung sarili mo dahil hindi ka magiging mabuting parent or partner kung hindi ka talaga maayos na maayos."
What Angelica sees as key to parenting is having an open communication with her partner Gregg. "Kahit masakit yung sasabihin mo, kahit na ano yung sasabihin mo, malungkot ka, kailangan alam 'yun ng partner mo. Kung hindi ka 100 percent, kailangan alam niya 'yun. And same with Gregg, kung hindi niya kaya, kung ubos na siya sa araw na 'yun, 'Gets kita, nangyayari yan, pahinga ka, kaya ko na 'to, ilalaban ko pa 'to.'"
"Minsan, nangyayari na parehas kayong kalahati nalang, hindi niyo kayang punan ang 100 percent, doon, kailangan niyo na mag-usap," she stressed.
Finally, she reminds us that although parenthood is hard, we should remember the privilege and the responsibilities that come with it.
"Importante, kasi may isang batang musmos na hindi pwedeng mapariwara dahil lang nagpabaya kayo na pwede niyo sanang solusyunan o maagapan," she says.
With our brief encounter with the Homans, we are inspired by their family's humility and acceptance, to embrace the season they are in. Celebrity or not, parenting is going to be harder and harder each day, but a mother with a supportive partner who knows how to set boundaries and give love to herself? Oh, yes. She can move mountains.
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Shot on location at B&B Studios
Special thanks to: Criselda Tapang, Dianne Dela Cruz, and Kaicy Ronda of Star Magic
Sittings Editor: Ronna Capili Bonifacio
Video Producer: Cherrie Julian
Art Direction by Stephanie Ocampo
Photographer: Andrea Genota, assisted by Neil Patrick Laguilles, and Arvic Alvarez
Makeup Artist: Denise Go Ochoa
Hair Stylist: Anton Papa
Styling by: Joy Bernardo and Jolo Bayoneta for Stylized Studio
Production Design: Reymark Legaspi, CJ Garcia, Myke Vargas, and Ernesto Legtan of Rocket Sets
Videographers: Jez Villapando and Rolando Pingco, Jr.
Editor and Post-Production by: Rolando Pingco, Jr.
Marketing Coordinator: Hannah Marie Bilgera
Social Media: Zen Arganda
Deputy Group Publisher: Iza Santos-Cuyos
