TW: abuse

The 14th Dalai Lama, a key spiritual leader with millions of followers, is at the center of controversy for asking a young boy to kiss him and “suck his tongue” in public view. Public rage is warranted, even if the move was made in jest, or even if it was just a form of “teasing.”  

We could just imagine the horror of the family involved in this incident, and sadly, forcing kids to kiss the elderly, relatives, or people they don’t even know as a sign of respect is a practice that’s been so ingrained in our culture. And we have to stop this, because we should teach the concept of consent to our children this early, right now. 

This change in point of view will strengthen our children’s resolve about owning their bodies, and adults learning to respect their boundaries. 

Why is this important? The numbers of sexual abuse incidents are staggering, with at least 17 percent of Filipino kids aged 13 to 17 experiencing sexual violence, according to a 2015 UNICEF study. Sadly, many abuses against children are done by those they live with, a family friend, or people in their community. 

Guide to sex education

This recent event coupled with local and international data on child abuse is why Smart Parenting launched Smart Parenting Guide (SPG) to Sex Education. Together with sex therapist and Smart Parenting Board of Experts member Dr. Rica Cruz, we have created a series to help you, parents, be your child's first and primary teacher of sex education.

Here’s how to empower your children to keep themselves safe. 

1. Don't force your kids to hug or kiss relatives they don't want to.

Know that when your child is in an unsafe situation, they will not know what to do or say. You can start with, “How do you feel about this? You don’t have to hug Tita if you don’t feel like it, and you can say no.”

Do not assume they will know what to do. They will know it's wrong, but they may freeze because of the shock they are experiencing.

Tell kids it's not rude or impolite to reject a hug or a kiss when they don't feel comfortable. There are other ways they can greet people, with a high-five, a bow, or a fistbump. 

RELATED STORY: Do Not Force Kids To Hug Or Kiss Relatives: Experts Share How To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse

2. Properly naming private parts.

According to Dr. Rica Cruz, sex education must start at the age of two years old. No, it's not explaining to them the birds and the bees, it starts by naming the proper body parts. Vagina and penis shouldn’t be called other names, and these are body parts that need care (personal hygiene) and cannot be seen by anyone else. 

3. Investigate when your children tell you a story.

When they say uncle played with their private parts, don’t dismiss the thought or evade confronting the situation because it could just be a child’s imagination. Investigate further, calmly ask for details, or even ask your kids to illustrate it with a drawing activity. 

READ: Parents, Believe Your Child If They Report Sexual Abuse Says Expert

It is Smart Parenting's heart to raise happy and healthy Filipino families and this means helping you, parents, to protect your children.

Remember that you are the best person to educate your child about sex in order to help keep them safe. If you hope to influence your children with religious views, faith-based values, or what a healthy view of sex would look like, this can also be enough motivation for confronting what may initially feel like an awkward conversation. You got this mama and papa! 

SEE OTHER RELATED STORIES:

• What Parents Need To Know About Child On Child Sexual Abuse According To An Expert
• Practical Guide For Teaching Your Kids About Sex: Loving Your Own Body And Crushes
• I Caught My Child Googling Sex Phrases Because Of Online Games! What Should I Do?